Tuesday, October 29, 2019

Annie Hogsett--On Being a Writer


DEBORAH CROMBIE: Every so often a book comes along that makes you sit up with delight. That's how I felt when I read Annie Hogsett's debut novel in her Somebody's Bound to Wind Up Dead series, TOO LUCKY TO LIVE.  (A sassy girl meets a hot blind guy who's just won 500 million dollars trying to convince a young friend not to gamble!) Annie's writing is so self-assured, her voice so fresh and funny, that I couldn't imagine she'd ever doubted that writing was her path. 

But she did, and here she is to tell you more.


 Before my dream came true.

In the lowest moments of my quest to become a published author—a year before I found my wonderful agent and two years before I came home at last to my fierce and supportive editor and the warm and generous Posse at Poisoned Pen Press—I wrote an essay.

Outside my window on that Wednesday, February 5, 2014, Lake Erie was stone-cold frozen, and I was sitting at the rock bottom of Sad & Rejected. So I wrote my misery into my blog, and, as so often happens, the writing raised me up and set me back on my path.

I titled the post “When a ‘No’ Is a ‘Yes.’” And began it with some words from a favorite poet:


"It may be when we no longer know what to do,
we have come to our real work,
and that when we no longer know which way to go,
we have begun our real journey."
~ Wendell Berry
This is that post.

“In the middle of last week I finally heard from the agent who had been considering the first hundred pages of my novel. She’d been considering it for six months. Actually, it had been lost for four of those six. So for the last two months, her response had been gracious, kind, encouraging. She liked it, it was good, I should not give up. And so on. And now?

No. It was not for her.

In some respects, I was relieved because I don't think I'd ever have the guts to say no to an agent's yes. And based on things she's written online about what she’s looking to represent, my novel did not seem to be a good fit for her. Today's agent really needs to find a good fit. I get that. Therefore, I'd already moved on. About 97% on. 96% maybe. 87%?

What ensued, I can see now, was a mini dark night of the soul.

I had traveled from Ohio to the Rocky Mountains last summer to meet this agent who had judged my entry to be a finalist in the writer's contest for the Crested Butte Writers Conference. I could tell she appreciated a lot of things about the story that I myself think make it special. She'd had a chance to meet me face-to-face in all my charming irresistibility—and still she said no.

Moreover, I'd finally permitted the whole screaming flurry about The State of Traditional Publishing and Publishing In General to penetrate the carapace of my resolve to a) find an agent b) get a publisher c) become a real bunny after all. The odds against that happening—especially that last thing, which is not now nor has it ever been in the purview of publishing— seemed vast. So very vast.

There it was. The freaking abyss.

I fell right on in. I sulked about my lost grail. Wept some over it.  Ate a few—well, maybe six—brownies in its honor. (Good choice, IMHO.) And I felt really, frighteningly, totally, adverbially lost for...I think it's been exactly one week. The questions I kept asking myself were

What am I going to do with myself?  
Who am I if I'm not a writer?  
Wherever will I go? It's too late to take up figure skating.

Then last night I was burrowing through some old emails and I stumbled over the Wendell Berry quote I've posted above. It seemed serendipitously apropos. I put it back in my email signature and this morning it all came into focus for me. At last.

So I'm sharing.

Oh, for Pete's sake! Here's who I am: I'm a writer. I've been a writer since I was eight. Truly, I can't remember when I wasn't one. I'm a writer washing dishes. I'm a writer driving my car. I'm a writer, eating brownies. I'm a writer, most especially, when I'm writing anything at all. And when I'm in gear, fully, physically, word-to-page writing, in that space between Infinity and the keyboard of my laptop? Then? I am a writer as deeply, profoundly, miserably, exaltedly as can ever be. What's more I've been an author since I finished my first of four complete novels in 1997. Fact: Writing is not publishing, it's...um... writing. And letting people read what you write.

Will I ever find an agent? Maybe. Who knows. I haven't given up. Will I ever be published? Oh, maybe. I hope so. Will I ever— and this is the only question that makes the difference to me at the end of all things—have readers? Heck. I have readers. Honey, I have you. Every single reader counts like crazy.

I'm not sure why this feels like such a revelation to me. Maybe, because I'm a prisoner of my time and place like everybody else on this beautiful planet, I believe I actually subconsciously thought I'd have to give it all up if I couldn't sell it. That I equated "real writer" with "best-selling author." There’s my good old "real bunny" problem again. Everybody has one. Let's all make a pact to give that one up and be our own real bunnies all the time.”

I wrote that, and time passed….

It’s been five years since February, 2014 and the third book in my mystery series came out on October 15. I share all this because I believe if you’re a published author, you’ll remember that journey and maybe smile. If you’re a not-yet-published author, you can be raised up, again and again, by realizing the truth and the joy of who you really are. 

DEBS: I was so inspired by this. And so thrilled to have that third novel, THE DEVIL'S OWN GAME, in my hands, a new adventure for one of my favorite mystery-solving couples, Allie Harper and Tom Bennington III!


 The murder is the message

What you don't see is what you get. When a sniper targets a blind man walking along the lagoon of the Cleveland Museum of Art, the bullet is a wake-up call aimed straight for Allie Harper and Tom Bennington, shattering their illusion that the Mondo Mega Jackpot Nightmare is over.

On the day Allie—sassy, lonely, broke—met Tom—smart, hot, blind—he won $500 million trying to show a kid that gambling doesn't pay. Romance—and multiple murders—ensued, along with a new, opulent lifestyle that the couple had never dreamed possible. Then a ruthless man of formidable skills and resources hacked into the security system in their rented 9,000 square-foot lakeside mansion, and they learned just how far someone who begrudges their good fortune would go to destroy them. Now they know the past six months of peace and quiet were the calm before a rising storm of mayhem and revenge.

The new game begins tonight. An old devil. A new devil. And a new case for The T&A Detective Agency. (Yes. They should have put Allie's initial first.) Tom and Allie aren't on the case long before they discover a strong lead that takes them into the heights of Cleveland's upper-crust, where husbands and wives weave webs of betrayal with unfathomable sums of money at the center. As the threats–and murders—multiply, Allie, Tom, and the T&A must fight to beat the devil's own game. Will they get out alive?

Reds and readers, share your recipes for dealing with self-doubt--brownies or otherwise, and welcome Annie!




63 comments:

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    1. Joan! Thanks for your comment. I've been wrangling the reply process. But I think I"ve got it now. My reply for you is at Jay's comment. I'm getting there….

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  2. Congratulations, Annie, on your perseverance and on your newest book. I’m looking forward to reading Allie and Tom’s newest story.

    As far as self-doubt is concerned, I think you have two choices: you can give in or you can keep on keeping on because I truly believe it’s all about believing in yourself [and anything chocolate helps] . . . .

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  3. Congrats on the new book. I really must find time to try this series.

    My recipe for overcoming self-doubt and set back? Read stories like this. So thank you for sharing with us.

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    1. Mark, I need stories like this myself, and I know lots of writers who do. That's why I'm happy to share this.

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  4. Welcome! I'm not sure why I haven't discovered your series before now. Will remedy that, stat.

    I live with a dear man who is a bit of a pessimist. When I resumed writing in earnest, he said in a Voice of Doom, "You know, it's really hard to get published." I said, "Well, somebody's going to get published, and it might as well be me." My 20th novel will come out next March. ;^)

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    1. Now that's a story that inspires me. It pays to be sassy!

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  5. Congratulations on the new book and the stick to it nature that got it done.

    Meanwhile, despite little spots of life where I am fine, I think I'm otherwise riddled with self-doubt. Otherwise, I'd pursue the different things I'm interested in with far more fervor and dedication than I ever do now.

    And that's without even including my pathetic social life into account. That's so bad I've given up. Even in my dreams I don't "get the girl", which I think is my subconscious telling me something.

    But maybe someday that book in my head will come to fruition so that I can let it out into the world of 1-star Amazon reviews by people who didn't actually read it. :D

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    1. And maybe someday, I won't get clobbered by one of those "prove you're not a robot" boxes. Sorry I called you "Joan", Jay. I think I've got this now. Self-doubt is one of the leading signs of "human."

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    2. We are all 100% behind you Jay! Don't give up on any of it!

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    3. Annie, I'd like to be a little less human then.

      Lucy, my dreams last night included a spot where I was going to see someone I know and instead of getting there, she was literally passing me by on a bus out of town. (the destination banner on the front of the bus SAID "Bus out of Town"). I mean, if that's not a hint and a half, nothing is.

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    4. Jay, that is the best story I've read all week. If it is a hint and a half of anything, it's that you're a born storyteller. And self-doubt is the badge of the writer, or anyone who grapples creatively with the great who and why and how of life. Honoring the book in your head is as good a north star as any. I say follow it for as long as you are willing and able.

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    5. Thanks Tina. I'm slowly cobbling together bits and pieces before I try to make anything resembling an attempt.

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  6. I agree, Joan, and I believe most of us alternate between confidence and doubt most of the time. It's what's at the heart that counts. And the chocolate. Annie

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    1. Look! There's the post that went into outer space when when I missed a fire hydrant in the "prove I am not a robot box." Annie is not a robot! Hurray.

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  7. Hurray! You know how much I love you and your books! And thank you for this inspirational story—much needed . Xxxxxxx and I agree about the brownies.

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    1. Oh, yeah, Hank. What the world needs now is more brownies. And us, of course. It needs more writers and their brownies. Thanks for the love.

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  8. Welcome Annie! Love your essay and will pass it along to a good friend who's struggling with the same doubts. And now I must read your books!

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    1. I have a good friend like that, and this is here today, in part, because of her.

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  9. This was an excellent essay. And your series sounds wonderful! It will enter my TBR list near the top.

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    1. Thank you, Susan! I do love the top of the TBR. I hope you enjoy.

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  10. How did I miss a series set so close to home? Looking for books 1 and 2 first!
    Self-doubt? Loads of it. Remedy: learn to live with it and keep on keeping on, as Joan says. Apparently, even our wildly successful JRWs still have that bugaboo, self-doubt, peering over their shoulder occasionally. So, pfffft, sit your self down and pick up that pencil/pen/fingers on keyboard and GO!

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    1. Excellent advice. And you're close to Allie & Tom's town? That makes us neighbors.

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  11. I have my copy in hand and a whole bowl of Halloween chocolate to go with (not as consolation, as celebration, because chocolate is multi-talented and will never let you down). Congrats on the third -- can't wait to hang with Tom and Allie again.

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  12. Ah, the guardian angel of my series. Nowhere without your support, Ms. Tina. Tom and Allie are looking forward to spending time with you, and chocolate really is a versatile companion.

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  13. Tina Whittle! Doing the fan girl dance here! I love your books and Annie's! Thanks for joining us.

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    1. Allie & Tom & Tai & Trey have so much in common it's scary. Since they all existed before Annie met Tina. Serendipity many times over. I love those books too!

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    2. I am usually a lurker here, Deborah, but I had to put my hand up and let Annie know I was in the room. Annie and I are Exhibit A+ as to the powers of serendipity. Also, back at ya on the fan girl dance!

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  14. Annie, what was your inspiration for Tom and Allie? I know I'm venturing into "where do you get your ideas" territory, but it's such a clever set up.

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    1. Okay. Truth, Deborah. I was coming out of McDonalds and somebody was blowing their horn at a blind guy who was trying to cross the street. And I said—out loud maybe, because I do talk to myself when outraged—"You know you live in a rough neighborhood when somebody honks at a blind man in the crosswalk." And that was her. And him. And all I had to do was drive home and write them down. Well, it took a little time but it was for sure from there and that is the first line of TOO LUCKY TO LIVE.

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    3. I LOVE this!!!!! There is nothing, nothing, as much fun as when characters leap into your head! And that is so perfectly Allie.

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  15. Congratulations on not giving up and pursuing your dream! Your series sounds exciting and unique. I am definitely going to check it out.

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    1. Hey, Abby. I will never catch up with you on the books, but I'm looking forward to getting to know you and them better!

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  16. I love Tom and Allie and their posse! We lived in NE Ohio for 18 years so it is fun to read about familiar places. I’ve been holding off buying your latest book until I can get the super duper autographed one at Bouchercon. Hope to meet you there! As for dealing with discouraging events? I tend to step back, mutter very un-PC words, re-examine the situation, and eventually jump back in. Wine, beer, and reading books may be involved in my recovery process.

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    1. Pat, I like your recovery process--although you can leave out the beer lol.

      Annie, shoot, I just bought the book on Kindle because I'm going to be traveling. Now I may have to get an autographed copy to share with my reading posse. Tell us where to find you at B'con.

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    2. Okay, now I definitely need to get packed for Bouchercon. Pat! So excited to meet you at last. And, Deborah, I'll just sign your hand. I'm on a panel "Murder Is Everywhere" at 9:30 Saturday morning in Reunion C with Sandra Balzo who's moderating, Mary Lee Ashford, Susan Alice Bickford, Baron Birtcher, and Nancy Parra. And I'll also be hanging out in the Hospitality Suite with the Poisoned Pen folks from noon until four that day. But first packing…. And because of you guys yesterday I'm freaking about forgetting stuff.

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    3. well, boo, we are up against each other on Saturday morning. But I suspect we could meet up in the bar at some point!

      And, yay, Pat, so excited to see you in Dallas!

      Note to all of you who are Bouchercon-bound--brings your coats. It's going to be chilly.

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    4. I feared that was the case. Do you think it would be okay if I ditched my panel…..

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  17. Annie, welcome to Jungle Reds and congratulations on finding an agent! A bookstagram friend is writing a romance novel and submitted her novel to a publisher who turned it down! There are no romance authors in her nationality demographic group. I asked her if she is looking for an agent and she decided to do it on her own. She is seriously considering self publishing.

    How did you find your agent? It looks like you got your novels published. Glad you did not give up!

    Diana

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    1. It took me about ten years. My best advice is go to conferences. Meet people. Join Sisters In Crime. I wrote in splendid, angsty solitude until Tina Whittle made me go to Left Coast Crime. That's where I heard of Bouchercon for the very first time. And pretended I'd known all along. It came to Cleveland that year and I got a look at the big picture, and was in the same bar as Lee Child. Just sayin'. You mostly likely don't have to travel far. Find writers in your own town. They know where the agents are.

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    2. Annie, thanks for the tips! Diana

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  18. Welcome, Annie! Thank you for such inspiring words that convinced yourself to persevere and not give up. I don't seem to have any real tried and true recipes for dealing with self-doubt. I talk to myself a lot which might help. Or maybe not since I don't always agree with what I told myself.

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  19. When you talk to yourself, be kind but firm. I try to remember that.

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  21. I support the use of brownies. And everything else you wrote here too. So glad you kept going cause I have certainly enjoyed reading the results. Myself? I have quit writing several times,not just discouragement but also, life getting in the way and it was time for me to move on. But writing refused to quit me and there it was and is. I write, in the end, like you, because it is who I am. See you soon in Dallas!

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    1. Yeah, Triss. There are many occasions of quitting, but generally it wears off in a couple of days. So glad for your persistence too! See you in Dallas. More packing now.

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  22. I love this, Annie! Even published authors with agents go through the dark night of the writer's soul at times - the Reds all know I seriously considered chucking my unfinished manuscript and starting over again with something new. I'm glad I didn't, but it was a close call. We all nee to remember that this, too, shall pass, and if you stay true to the work, you can't really ever go too far wrong.

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  23. That's true, and, to be honest, Julia, just about every page I write is on the edge of some cliff or other before all's said and done. I try to give them at least a day or two of mercy because somebody who's been writing for hours isn't all that trustworthy. When I ask myself where something's going, I tell myself to shut up and let me find out.

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  24. Annie, I loved reading this. It reminded me of the 20 years it took and five unpublished novels before finally getting an agent and working with Poisoned Pen Press. But what you said is true. A writer's got to write. See you in Dallas!

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    1. Thanks, Tom. Can't wait! I need my copy of Graveyard Bay!

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  25. Shalom Reds and fans. And Annie. Thank you for sharing some of your journey with us. I am not a writer but even as a reader, I sometimes despair of hope. I am usually pretty much an optimist but over the years I have sometime been so far from “home” in my mind that I am lost and completely alone.

    Chocolate is good. In fact, anything sugar can do the trick. (But I am diabetic and suffer from GIRD, so I must be moderate if I want to avoid terrible consequences.)

    Poetry has often been my salvation. All sorts of poetry. I love the Psalms of David. I remember about a dozen years ago, I was down on my luck and being sheltered by a friend on a small farm way out in the country. There was a brook babbling perhaps a hundred yards away. I was ruminating on the 23 rd psalm. Coming to verse “He leadeth me beside quiet waters.” I suddenly had a revelation. No longer was the “me”, David the King of Israel. Rather, it had been written of me, little David of Bucks County, PA. That knowing kept me whole for weeks after it occurred. I wish I had the words to convey the power of the experience.

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  26. Sometime an experience seems to speak directly to us, David. And somehow it makes a difference. I'm like that about a lot of poems. And sometimes about the wind in the trees. Thanks for the insight.

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  27. What a fantastic post. You brought back so much of my own journey to me - a timely reminder that was needed today!
    Also, how have I not glommed onto this series??? It sounds perfect for me! I am going to hit the Poisoned Pen today and load up on this series. Congratulations, Annie! Thanks so much for joining us today!

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    1. Thanks, Jean McKinlay, you'll make me a hero at the Poisoned Pen. I'm so thrilled to be hanging here today. So many fun, engaging, interesting comments. So what if I don't get underwear packed for Bouchercon. I'm having a great time. I hope you enjoy Allie and Tom. And Margo. And Otis. And Valerio. And. And. My life is full of new friends these days. It's been a blast so far.

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  28. Homemade brownies, box mix or scratch, store brought, I'll take 'em all. Self-esteem and confidence have so many levels. Glad you've preserved and are here today, telling your story. Adding you to my growing list of authors to find and encourage. Time to pack and head to Dallas.

    Coats, really?

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    1. Alrighty, Deana! You have now asked my burning question. Coats? Really? I just came to the laptop to check the weather in Dallas. It's quite lovely in Cleveland today. Not warm, but I'll look dumb heading out in my coat. What are we thinking? And, thanks so much for the kind words.

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    2. Oh. I checked. It's worst than I imagined. We need a waterproof coat from the looks of things. And people badmouth Cleveland weather. My verdict: A sweater and a shawl will not get the job done. How is this possible?

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    3. Deana here: UH-coat not an option but I can grab my umbrella out of my car. I have sweaters and shawls, it will have to do. Office kicked me out yesterday after letting me use a prepaid hotel room for the night. Hotel even got power back last night. Just about to do laundry in my SFO hotel so I'm less smokey tomorrow.

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  29. This! That you for sharing this. My self-doubt has kept me from even starting. How awful is that? I know I’m a great story teller - at least about life on 10 acres with the craziest cast of characters (animals), because people are always glued to the stories I relay. And I can certainly make people laugh with said stories. I also know there’s at least one book swimming around in my head, waiting to escape on “paper.” So I’m attending my very first Bouchercon and attending a Texas Writers’ League workshop the very next weekend. I think they’re going to have brownies there. ��

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    1. Good for you! You'll have fun. I'll look for somebody with PDD.

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