Tuesday, February 25, 2020

Do You Have Imposter Syndrome?





HANK PHILLIPPI RYAN: True story. I was in a car with the definition of perfection, Lee Child. He was...mulling over the whether James Patterson (who I also adore) sold more books than he did.

Friends, I burst out laughing.  Come ON, I said. You sell a book every second.  You are incredibly talented. You are adored and beloved. And come on. Either way. You have got to be happy.

I am happy, he said. Of course. But I could tell--he was still calculating.

This is all to say--writing is a non-stop march through unpredictability. With smart successful people who are striving to be the best they can be.

And with that--I give you the gloriously talented and amazingly successful friend of the Reds: Annette Dashofy.  Who, if I were sitting in a car with, I would say the same thing.

Any yet, and yet. She's talking about:

Imposter Syndrome, Author-Style


My next book has just come out. Under the Radar is my ninth, but the release of a novel out into the world never gets old or routine. Early reviews have been excellent. My launch party was amazing. My blog tour is winding down.

So why am I so nervous?

Because I’m always afraid the newest book will be the one to unveil me as a fraud.

I’ve been fooling them all along, making readers think I know what I’m doing when, in fact, it’s nothing but smoke and mirrors.

Yes, I confess. I suffer from Imposter Syndrome. [https://hbr.org/2008/05/overcoming-imposter-syndrome]

I’ve heard the term “Imposter Syndrome” before and knew I was a victim, but until I read this article, I had no idea just how bad a case I had. I didn’t tick off one box. I ticked them all off!

I must not fail. Check. I have such an incredible support team, starting with my family, both blood and ink. My local Sisters in Crime, Pennwriters members, and critique group have all been incredibly supportive. I don’t want to let them down.  

I feel like a fake. Check. Me? A writer? Hitting the bestseller list? Being nominated for awards? Someone definitely made a mistake. I think that’s why I make screen captures every time my books are on a list. I know it’s why I keep going back to the Agatha Awards webpage to make sure my name’s still there. Phew. They haven’t realized they counted the ballots wrong yet!

 
It’s all down to luck. Check. Timing is everything. I’d rather be lucky than good. I’ve heard these phrases coming from my lips. And I truly believe I’ve been incredibly fortunate.

Success is no big deal. Check. Well, it is a big deal, but in my version, I haven’t attained it yet because someone is going to realize I’m a lucky fake and my success is an illusion, a house of cards that will collapse the next time I breathe on it.

The rest of the article goes on to give suggestions to overcome Imposter Syndrome. Recognizing the negative mental conversations we have with ourselves and talking about them being two key components. So here we are at the newly formed ISA (Imposter Syndrome Anonymous) chapter.

Have you ever felt like a fraud? Wondered what were they thinking when someone puts you in charge of an important project? Believed your success was nothing more than luck? Please tell me I’m not alone in these feelings.

Hank: Puh-leeze. 
Reds and readers? Weigh in! 
(And Annette, just saying: congratulations on your Agatha nomination and your crazy wild success!)



UNDER THE RADAR
Paramedic and deputy coroner Zoe Chambers responds to a shooting and discovers her longtime friend, Horace Pavelka, has gunned down a man who’d bullied him mercilessly for decades. Ruled self-defense, no charges are filed. When another of his tormentors turns up dead in Horace’s kitchen, Police Chief Pete Adams questions the man’s innocence in both cases…especially after Horace and his girlfriend go into hiding.

While fighting to clear her friend, Zoe is handed the opportunity to finally learn what really happened to her long-lost sibling. What starts out as a quick road trip on a quest for answers leads her to an unfamiliar city in the middle of a November blizzard, where she finds way more trouble than she bargained for.

Pete’s own search for his missing fiancĂ©e and a missing murderer ultimately traps him in a web of deception. Face-to-face with one of the most cunning and deadly killers of his law enforcement career, Pete realizes too late that this confrontation may well be his last.


Annette Dashofy is the USA Today best-selling author of the Zoe Chambers mystery series about a paramedic and deputy coroner in rural Pennsylvania’s tight-knit Vance Township. Annette has garnered five Agatha nominations including her current nomination for Best Contemporary Novel for FAIR GAME. She is the vice president of the Pittsburgh chapter of Sisters in Crime Chapter and is on the board of directors of Pennwriters. UNDER THE RADAR is the ninth in her series.
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103 comments:

  1. You are not an impostor. Trust me, you deserve all your sales and award nominations and much more.

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  2. Did I know there was such a thing as Imposter Syndrome? No, but I could definitely be an ISA member . . .
    However, I’m absolutely certain, Annette, that you are definitely not an imposter . . . Congratulations on your Agatha nomination and on your newest book [which sounds amazing and which I can’t wait to read] . . . .

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  3. Sorry to tell you this, Annette, you are the real deal! I know, I've read all your books and can't wait to start Under the Radar tonight.

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    1. Thanks, Kait! I hope you like it!
      (See? That's me, chewing my fingernails, hoping like mad that you really do like it!)

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  4. Annette, congratulations on your Agatha nomination, and your series is on my list of "I Have to Start This Series This Year." I have two of your books in order to do that. From all the great comments I read about your books, Annette, I think you can tell the Imposter Syndrome to take a hike.

    Imposter Syndrome. Oh, hello, my old friend. I am going to relate the following not to impress or brag, but to show that it does run deep with me. When I heard back from my comprehensive exams for my Masters, within the written evaluation was a sentence stating the professors grading it were intimidated by my quality of work. Say what? I then realized that the professors whom I had regarded so highly all smoked crack. I can only tell those of you on this blog of this experience because I know that they must have not been talking about me. And, when someone compliments a review I've written, I realize that my professors have shared their crack. It's a rare occasion when I can admit that I've written something praiseworthy. I can only imagine how it must feel to write successful books and realize that you really did it.

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    1. "the professors whom I had regarded so highly all smoked crack." Kathy, you made me snort coffee! But I totally GET it. Sending hugs and reassurances that you really ARE that talented.

      (And I hope you enjoy my books whenever you get around to reading them!) :-D

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    2. Kathy, you MUST read Annette's books!

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    3. I have Circle of Influence and Lost Legacy on my Kindle, and I've put Circle of Influence on my March/April read list. Oh, how I wish I read faster.

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    4. So many books, so little time.

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  5. Congratulations on the new book, Annette!

    Maybe I believe what my mother told me long ago, or maybe I learned my lesson at my first real job when my boss said, "We hired you because we thought you could do this. Don't ask me if it's right. You decide if it's right." Maybe I'm an arrogant bitch. Whichever way that works out, I don't much worry about imposter syndrome. I just focus on making the work as good as I can make it. Of course, it's never good enough, and I can always see the sweat stains and sticky fingerprints where I made it less than perfect, so maybe that's the same thing.

    I will tell you that I once brought a guitarist in to the arts school where I volunteer. This is a guy who has played with everybody, and is a reliable go-to whenever Eric Clapton puts together another Crossroads festival. Critics call him a genius, he makes the cover of guitar magazines, kids copy his style, and by any reasonable measure he is at the top of the game. One of the kids at my school asked him, "When did you know you had made it?" He said, "When that happens, I'll let you know."

    Keep doing what you're doing and make it as good as you can make it. You are definitely not an imposter.

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    1. That's a great story, Gigi! And thank you. "Make it as good as you can make it." Words to live by.

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    2. Gigi: I'm with you 100%. Having been called an AB more than once in my life, I now wear it as a badge of honuor and understand it to mean more about the person saying it than it does about me.

      There's always room for improvement, but your "make it as good as you can make it" are words to live by. Thank you.

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    3. I think we are also guilty of constantly raising the bar on ourselves—Know what I mean? When we have a goal, and achieve it, suddenly that’s not the goal anymore. instead of celebrating that we accomplished what we hoped for, we keep our eyes on a farther prize. that’s great, but don’t forget to celebrate!

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    4. Celebrating is so important and something so many of us skip over

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    5. Skipping celebration? Guilty as charged.

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    6. Make it as good as you can make it or do your best is my letmotiv.

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    7. I love the idea of celebrating, Hank, but I do forget that little detail far too often. Hummm . . . last (tiny) milestone was achieved on National Margarita Day. Maybe I can revisit that.

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  6. I'm so excited about this book, dear Annette!

    Yes, I'm a member of ISA, too. Of course. I'm polishing a book now and wondering who will ever want to read this dreck. Or I'm in the middle and wonder if it's the last book I'll ever write. And let's not EVEN go to the Agatha nominations. Still, fingers crossed this is your year. See you in North Bethesda!

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    1. Fingers cross for you too, Edith!

      You could NEVER write "dreck." Ever.

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  7. Sit back and read any one of your books. You will know that the author of those books deserves every accolade and more! One issue is that authors are always striving for the next success, who isn't, but it doesn't give time to absorb what they have accomplished! Wallow in your triumphs for an extra second, you deserve it!

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    1. Jeanie, maybe that's it. I'm releasing Under the Radar today, but I'm up to eyeballs in edits for the next one at the same time. Yes, I'm celebrating with chocolate (which I eat daily anyway!), but mostly I'm focused on what I need to fix on book #10.

      I'll try to take your advice and take a moment to wallow. In a good way! :-P

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  8. Stepping into our own light and keeping the flame burning steady is some of the hardest work we can do, I think.

    Congratulations on your ninth (!!) release, Annette. I'm off to introduce myself to your series. I bet you're already working on your 10th or 11th book, right? I'd cash in that ISA membership, if I were you!

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  9. Imposter Syndrome—I think we all suffer from that at some point. It only hits when you really care about what you’ve offered up for others to see. Your writing shows the care you take so no worries about not being “real”.

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  10. Seriously? I think there is a difference between imposter syndrome and embracing the challenge that we can always be better. It is a very difficult step, I have learned, to actually believe in yourself. Believing in yourself does not mean you have given up, it means you are allowing yourself to enjoy your success. It means you can pat yourself on the back for how much you have persevered, and how hard you have worked, and how hard you are still working, but I mean… If you are not going to be happy now, after all you have demonstrably accomplished, when are you going to be happy?

    Plus— Everybody else thinks you are wildly successful, right?? Are we ALL wrong? See? We’re not wrong. Enjoy the accolades and awards and champagne and rose petals… You work very very hard. And you will continue to work hard, that’s why you are successful. But don’t forget to be happy.

    Congratulations on your book birthday! Hooray hooray hooray ! ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

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  11. I think I have had this for my entire life and as ridiculous as it sounds even when I was 9 months pregnant! In the hospital I couldn't get over the feeling they would start laughing at me because any idiot must know I wasn't pregnant at all, it was something else entirely.

    Congratulations, Annette!

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    1. Oh my gosh, Judi! That's some serious Imposter Syndrome!

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  12. I love your books, and I’m pretty sure I’m too smart to be fooled by an imposter :-)

    I do know what you mean, though, and have suffered through it myself. As I’ve gotten older I have gotten a little better at managing it— I’ve reassured so many others that they aren’t imposters that I think I’m starting to convince myself.

    And now I’m headed to work and trying to ignore the email saying your book is here and waiting for me to read!

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    1. Thank you, Cindy. And Under the Radar will be waiting for you when you get home.

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  13. You are definitely not an imposter. You are the real deal!

    I feel like an imposter all the time. I'm glad I'm in good company!

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    1. You are NOT, Joyce. And thank you. We need a girls weekend to drink beer and wine and celebrate our successes.

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  14. Two more Zoe Chambers on the way?? Nominated for awards?? Well, yippee!! And duh! And sign me up for ISA, I've already paid my dues. I'm in the first generation born away from the hills of eastern Kentucky, I think those like myself probably invented Imposter Syndrome. PhD in four year? Sheer luck. Standing in front of a national audience to deliver a paper? Please don't let them figure out I'm a fake. You get the picture. It's a constant battle to rethink every success--I worked my tail off, my research is solid, etc etc. But one thing I do know--my ability to recognize good writing. You can bet I'll be snapping up a copy of Under the Radar and waiting eagerly for book number 10, Annette!

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  15. Congratulations on the Agatha nom, Annette.

    Gotta tell you, standing next to you at that launch party, well, I definitely felt like a fraud. Who am I to be up here with an author with MULTIPLE award nominations to her name, along with the best-seller status? So yeah, not nearly up at your level yet, but I definitely qualify for membership in ISA.

    But I'm near the end of Agatha Christie's autobiography and she discloses a conversation she had with her husband before every book and it reminds me of something Hank has said:

    Her: I can't do this again. This time is the time they find me out.
    Him: You always say that.
    Her: But this time it's real, I can't write this book.
    Him: You always say that, too.

    If the woman who has sold more books that ANYBODY said that, I figure we're all in good company!

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    1. Liz, I was sooo proud of you on Saturday and was honored to share a launch party with you.

      And okay. If Agatha Christie dealt with it, I guess I can take pride in the company I keep!

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    2. Liz, so funny. I had the EXACT same conversation with a friend my last night in London in November.

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    3. I have had that conversation, as you so sweetly remember!--so many times with Jonathan. And every time, it doesn't matter what he says. It's a writer thing, I guess. Plus--it feels like maybe if we're happy, it means we are complacent. Which we are NOT!

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  16. Congrats on your new book and your Agatha nomination, Annette!

    I'm joining ISA. I have published non-fiction but don't think of myself as an author because I haven't published any mystery fiction. Every time someone refers to me as an author, I feel like saying "well, not really."

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  17. I have *always* had the Imposter Syndrome. No matter what I've done in life, no matter how well I've done it, I've always been looking over my shoulder to see the moment coming when I'll be identified as a fraud. When someone compliments me on a book, my first thought it, "I really conned them." I have a feeling I know where mine comes from—an exceedingly critical mother, though I'm not into mom-blaming and I played along nicely. Still, I'd love to stop, as it uses a lot of energy and drains some of the joy out of one's accomplishments.

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    1. I suspect some of mine comes from childhood too. You're absolutely right, Jeannette. It does drain energy and joy. We need to STOP IT.

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  18. I often wonder if IS hits women particularly hard because we're socialized from an early age to turn away compliments and demur when we're praised. It's not "nice" to brag and it's not "ladylike" to dominate the conversation. Meanwhile, as the T-shirt says, "Lord, give me the confidence of a mediocre white man."

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    1. Hahaha! I want that T-shirt, Julia.

      I've been wondering the same thing. I suspect IS is way more prevalent among women than men, although I know such isn't always the case.

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    2. Julia, The Girl says this about "ladylike": I do it, and I'm a lady, therefore, it is ladylike!

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    3. That was my grandma! She never praised her kids because the neighbors might hear and think she's bragging.

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    4. Julia, this reminds me. I recall in middle school that the meanies accused me of being a "snob" because I accepted compliments and said "thank you". That was really confusing! I felt like Alice at the Mad Hatter's Tea Party.

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  19. I could be the president of ISA, except then I'd worry that I was doing a terrible job at leading the organization and you all should've picked someone better. :-) Seriously, though, I have a terrible time with this, and it's always a long hard struggle to remind myself not to get too into my head and self-doubt. Thanks for bringing this topic out for discussion--it's not one that we talk about very much and we should! XO

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    1. Oh, my gosh, Tara! If anyone is NOT an imposter, it's YOU. But I get it. I totally get it.

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  20. Anyone who's interested, one of the first papers about this -- Imposter Phenomenon in High Achieving Women -- was published in 1978 by psychologists Pauline Rose Clance & Suzanne Imes. They thought it was confined to women (it's not). Here's the link if you can wade through an academic paper: https://www.paulineroseclance.com/pdf/ip_high_achieving_women.pdf

    Annette, if you were here I'd give you a great big hug! AND Dongratulations on the Agatha nom - WELL EARNED!

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    1. Aw, thank you, Hallie. That means a lot coming from you. I don't know if you remember that snowy night in Pittsburgh when you came to teach a workshop for our Sisters in Crime chapter, but I learned sooo much from you that evening. I still hear your voice in my head when I'm plotting out a new book.

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  21. An aside: the other night after a book event I went out to dinner with a group. I introduced myself to the woman whom I ended up sitting next to, and she introduced herself back: Margot Livesey. I blurted out, OMG, EVA MOVES THE FURNITURE! (A book she published in 2001) I adored that book. Recommended it to everyone. I was writing genre fiction and here was a REAL writer! (as opposed to me) Okay, to be honest, I do not think that is wrong. Because when you get to be published, you're playing in a different league and yes, there are authors with whom I'll never be good enough to compete. Which reminds me of something Laura Lippman once told me -- that writing is like flying, there's always someone in a class ahead of you.

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    1. Laura is so wise. I love that we all have those fan-girl moments with other authors!

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    2. LOVE MArgot LIvesey--she is so brilliant! Have you read her book on writing--called The HIdden Machinery or something like that? SO brilliant.

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  22. Part of the human condition, hence all the avenues for validation. I had those feelings as a teacher, too. One day a student came straight from a class with a dynamic teacher I admired. I said I'd love to be more like her, and he replied, "God no. I couldn't take that two hours in a row." I did sometimes see the honors students visibly relax coming into my short stories class, and the autistic lad who wondered if Ahab might have benefitted from "a good therapist" was comfortable enough to participate in discussion. Our gifts vary; let's share them. <3

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    1. Thank you for the smile, Mary. Yes, we all bring different gifts to the table and need to celebrate our differences.

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  23. Annette, congratulations your new book and on the Agatha! Raising my hand here on imposter syndrome. Maybe one of these days I'll convince myself that I'm really a writer. Book #20, maybe? (That would be the one after the one I'm struggling with at the moment...) :-)

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    1. Deborah, I've seen you pack the Oakmont Carnegie Library. I've seen you be honored at Bouchercon. You, my dear, are definitely not an imposter.

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  24. Yup. It's been around at least since the 1980s when so many of us were finally getting out of the pink collar ghetto and into more diversified and responsible jobs (what they told us were "men's jobs"). It was pandemic. No doubt our mothers and grandmothers felt it too, but didn't vocalize it.

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    1. You're probably right about our mothers and grandmothers, Susan.

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  26. Annette, thank heavens Under the Radar is finally here. I pre-ordered it what feels like forever ago because simply, I must. have. every. book. you. write. They're that good! As far as imposter syndrome? I've got it. I went to Bouchercon in October as an avid reader and a want-to-be-writer-someday. Except when I tried to start getting the story kicking around in my brain on paper - nothing. Total failure at capturing the story, the thoughts, the feelings. And I haven't dared to try again. I know I'm a good storyteller because I can keep people in stitches when I'm telling stories from our Pasture. I know I'm a good writer because all my teachers and professors told me so. But I'm terrified I can't do the one thing I want to do more than anything - write a book that someone, anyone, will want to read. Anyway, I'm so excited for you! And proud to be able to say I've met you in person.
    From just one of your adoring fans,
    Cheryl A.

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    1. Cheryl, the only way to learn to write is to just write. And keep writing. It doesn't come easily. I have several completed manuscripts hidden around here that will never see the light of day. They're my training-wheel books. And I learned lessons from each of them. The only...ONLY...way to be a total failure is to stop trying.

      Hugs, my friend.

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  27. Loved reading this! Thank you, Annette and I can't wait to read Under the Radar. And what a fun story about Lee, Hank - made me laugh out loud.

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  28. I don't think I suffer from Imposter Syndrome, but I do wonder while writing each book if it will ever turn out OK. I try to trust that my subconscious (or maybe the universe) will send up some good stuff when I'm not thinking too hard. ;)

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    1. Oh, heavens yes. I hit that point in every book that I write when I'm convinced it'll never come together. My husband rolls his eyes when I start whining about it because hears this EVERY TIME.

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  29. Congrats on the new book! And add me to the ISA. I love hearing writers talk about it because so many of us have it, but it can sometimes be this dirty little secret that we try to hide--which then feeds into it all the more.

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    1. Thank you, Melissa.

      Misery does love company. Plus when we open up about it, we all support each other and cheer each other on.

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  30. Every new book I go through panic mode that it won't be as good as the last one, that I'll be uncovered as an imposter and have to give back my awards! Every single book. So I know how you feel.

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    1. Oh my gosh, Rhys. You too? I know for a fact you can relax. No one is ever going to think you an imposter or ask for your awards back!

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  31. I so envy you those groups Sisters in Crime and Pennwriters. They must make it not feel so much like whistling in the barren woods after dark.

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    1. I'd never have gotten published without them. Writing groups are the BEST.

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  32. It sounds like Imposter Syndrome is a combination of anxiety and humility. Nothing wrong with being humble about your success but we all need to work on the anxiety part of it! Congratulations on your latest book, Annette!

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  33. I feel so seen! I just sent a tweet recently that I explain away my success as luck and timing, because it surely isn't talent - LOL! Thank you for posting this, Annette! I'm off to read the article and I just have to say - Congratulations on your Agatha nom, your well deserved success and I can't wait to read Under the Radar - because you are the real deal!!!

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    1. Aw, Jenn, you're gonna make me cry! And trust me on this: you are too!!!

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    2. YOu guys are hilarious...you are both so brilliant. Love ..xoxo

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  34. Whenever I try something new I get anxious. I wondered why since I did well in school and work. I blame junion high school. I was in the second excelerated class, and we were constantly told that we were smart and not living up to our potential. I get that they were trying to inspire us but what I took from that was that I didn't get credit for the good stuff because I was expected to do well but the bad stuff was my fault. Now another thing I get annoyed about is why people think that if you are good at one thing, you automatically will be good at other things. That's not always true.

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  35. Annette you are definitely NOT an imposter! Your writing makes me feel as if I’m standing in the middle of the action! When I’m reading a Zoe Chambers Mystery, I am totally at a loss as to what is going on around me. Congratulations on your latest book! I KNOW there will be many more Awards in your future. lg(dot)hudson(@)yahoo.com

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    1. Such a wonderful thing to say! Annette, I hope you are getting total helium from this day!

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    2. I am, Hank. These ISA support group meetings are amazing.

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  36. For some time now, I've wanted to read your books. I've just downloaded the first in your series as I like to begin at the beginning. I'm not worried, I've read your posts and comments here on JRW and I know you are the real thing and not an imposter.

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    1. Thanks so much, Danielle. I hope you enjoy the series!

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  37. I need to find your books, Annette. I've been faking it forever. Okay, that might a slight exaggeration. When I applied for my current job I was asked if I had any experience working in a medical office. My answer was no but I didn't have anything experience in a HMO office when I started there but I learned and I can be taught. Thankfully they didn't ask me about my spelling, I would have had to lie. I can tell the word is spelled wrong but I can't tell you the correct spelling.

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    1. Deana, if you can't dazzle 'em with brilliance, baffle 'em with bull. Words to live by!

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  38. Annette, I don't believe in luck. I believe in God created events. You are where you are because God gave you the talent to be there, where he wanted you to be. I hope that doesn't sound preachy. I don't mean it to. Hugs! rgp1950@yahoo.com

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  39. I've been earning my living as a writer since I was 26. I have publish, produced plays, a 20-year career as a television sitcom writer, and my sixth mystery just launched. Do I have imposter syndrome? YOU BET I DO!

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    1. You also have an Agatha teapot. You are NOT an imposter, my friend!

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  40. Annette, it was wonderful chatting with you over at the Cozy Experience with Julie Mulhern and the host, Marie. I am still trying to figure out what "Imposter syndrome" means. Did you write these wonderful books? If yes, then you are NOT an imposter.

    Not sure if this is what "Imposter syndrome" means in my case. I will try to be brief. When I was a baby, I was healthy. I was learning to talk and walk when I was stricken with meningitis, leaving me with a profound hearing loss. Since then, my label is "DEAF person". There have been times when someone would accuse me of being a "fake", saying that I cannot be Deaf. True, I do not fit the stereotype of the Deaf person you see in movies or on tv. I have met many deaf people who are individuals with different talents. It is like meeting people with different talents.

    When I read about "Imposter syndrome", it sounds more like a guilt thing for doing well ? I will have to google Imposter syndrome.

    Also, Sir Laurence Olivier once said that everyone is an actor. Was it Shakespeare who said "the world's a stage"?

    Diana

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    1. Googled imposter syndrome. ? Fear of success? ? Fear of failure ? Fear of rejection ?

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