Saturday, February 15, 2020

When the story becomes your own by Amanda Le Rougetel


LUCY BURDETTE: Do you ever wonder how we find and curate the posts that appear miraculously every day on this blog? Sometimes people ask us to appear, other times we just make stuff up, and sometimes we invite guests who we think will be interesting. A while back when one of our friends, Amanda, posted about a writing group she led with a pal, I asked her to write a post. I hope you find it as interesting as I did, and I know you'll welcome Amanda!

AMANDA LE ROUGETEL: Once a month, I pack an overnight bag and head across town to my friend Deborah’s for a writing retreat. We do more than ‘just’ write — we talk, we eat, and we critique each other’s work. We usually stay up too late, but the morning is rich with good coffee, and more time for writing and talking.

We are both in times of transition in our lives: Deborah is heading towards the third anniversary of her husband’s death and reinventing herself as a lone woman after a loving marriage of 40+ years. I am moving towards retirement sometime in the next five years and wanting to be a capital W writer by the time I get there. For me, this means actually writing (rather than just talking about writing!) and having people read that writing. Whether it’s on a published page or online doesn’t matter to me, but I want my writing to find readers.

Deborah and I trust each other, so our critiques pull no punches: We question word choice, push for greater clarity of thought, and suggest that beginnings, mid-points or endings might be stronger by considering X or Y. Deborah has been focusing on creative memoir, while I’ve been writing creative non-fiction on my blog Five Years a Writer.

After several months of coffee and conversation, we realized that our process was producing not only better writing but also increased clarity about our evolving identities. It seemed that, in paying attention to our writing, we were becoming sharper critics of our lives and more confident agents of personal change.

One day, we decided that we wanted to share our practice with a public audience. So we developed a 4-part workshop titled Writing as a Tool for Transformation, which we offered last fall through the community classroom at our local independent bookstore.

By happenstance, the sixteen participants were all women. By design, they were each facing a self-identified transition of some kind: widowhood, retirement, ending of a relationship, the struggle for identity within motherhood, to name a few. Each was ready to use writing as a way to gain clarity for themselves. In each session, the participants wrote to our prompts, then re-wrote, shifting the form, perspective, audience and, in the final class, even the medium — using images from magazines to encapsulate their new understanding of themselves relative to the transition they were working with.

And clarity came. One woman said she was able, for the first time, to articulate her feelings about the transition she was working with.

Don’t you think that that is exactly the power of words? Whether we write them or we read them, if we engage actively with the meaning they create for us, they open doorways through which our imagination can flow to shape new thoughts and understandings.

For me, active reading of fiction or non-fiction can spark insights into myself, because I live vicariously through the characters and story unfolding on the page, and I contemplate how I might acquit myself in similar circumstances. Would I be as fearless as V. I. Warshawski? As open-hearted as Clare Fergusson? As committed to family as Gemma James? I have never owned a horse, but as a young girl I learned not only about riding from the Jill stories, but also about how to be a self-reliant young person in a world run by adults. From the Sue Barton: Nurse stories I learned that meaningful work could transition beyond formal career to other contexts.

I’ve sorted out many a thorny issue in my life by writing it out. And I’ve come to untold better understandings of myself by engaging with the lives of characters invented by an author. Reading is a pleasure, and when that pleasure produces insight, then it’s not only rewarding but potentially life-changing.

What about you, dear Reds and JRW readers? Do you ever write your way to clarity and insight about a challenge in your life? Do characters in a book lead you to better understanding of yourself?



Amanda Le Rougetel is a lifelong reader and a non-fiction-writer-in-progress. She was introduced to the mystery genre through Mrs. Pollifax, Kinsey Millhone and V. I. Warshawski and is happy that the Reds writers have expanded her reach much more broadly into the field. That she finds herself posting to the Jungle Red Writers blog today as a guest is an enormous thrill and unexpected honor. She posts to her own blog Five Years a Writer less regularly than she would like, but is working to improve her writing routine. She earns her living as a college communication instructor in the heart of the Canadian prairies in Winnipeg, Manitoba.

58 comments:

  1. This is so interesting, Amanda, thank you . . . .
    I think whenever we can see something of ourselves in a character in a book we are reading, we gain some unexpected perspective or some insights that we might otherwise have missed.

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    1. Joan, I love when that happens for me, as it enriches my experience of the story. However, I also think it contributes to making it hard to get rid of a book. That's why I still have a shelf of children's books in my bedroom, including all the Sue Barton series! And I don't think I'll ever be able to get rid of The Women's Room by Marilyn French, for the same reason.

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    2. Amanda, I had a visceral reaction to the photo of The Women's Room in your post. I was in college when I read that book and it touched me at a deep level. I haven't re-read it, but to this day there are images from it that bubble up in response to scenes in real life.

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  2. Good for you and your friend, Amanda, finding a way to let writing help define your lives and your futures! I've always been a journaler, but after my husband died I filled a whole shelf-full of diaries--mostly with nonsense--as I sorted through the things that had been his contribution to our lives together, and the things that were mine. Eventually I began to figure out what I wanted to keep and what I was okay with letting go of. Interestingly enough, one of the things I realized in that process was that listening to live music was a thing I wanted to keep. Now I get paid to do that, and it's still my happy place.

    I think you and Deborah should take the outline for your four-part seminar and turn it into a self-help book proposal! And good luck with your transition into retirement and the life of a Writer.

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    1. Thank you, Gigi. We had an interesting discussion in the workshop about what to do with journals: Should they be kept as sacred? Should they be burned, because no children should ever read them? But how could such important writing be burned? And so on...a conundrum for many of us, I imagine. As for a book proposal -- wow, something for Deborah and me to discuss at our next retreat. Thank you for the idea!

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    2. Aside: Gigi, I read DEEP ELLUM, and I was so impressed at your facility in weaving a tale. Thank you.

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    3. That's a wonderful idea Gigi! And so glad you were able to make something great out of a terrible time in your life...

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    4. What to do with journals? Well, Warren's manuscripts and such are in the collection of the University of North Texas, and they apparently want any and all of my stuff that would inform research into his life and writing. So my journals are going there but only after I'm good and dead.

      And thank you, Ann, for your very kind words! Lucy, too. I would love to see a book about the things Amanda and Deborah teach.

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  3. I have definitely found that in the course of writing one of my reviews, I discover what I really think of the item I'm reviewing. It always amazes me when that happens.

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    1. So wonderful when that clarity comes in the writing, Mark, isn't it? I occasionally review documentaries, and I find exactly the same thing -- try to put the words coherently on the page and I suddenly realize I don't (yet) know what I want to say about the doc.

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    2. That's interesting Mark. When I read the New York Times book section on Sunday, I always wonder if those folks know their reactions as they are reading the book...

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    3. Quite often, I know what my reactions are as I am reading. And usually, I know that I want to talk about certain things. I just don't realize how much they bothered me or made me enjoy something until I start writing my review.

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  4. Amanda, one of the best traits of the writers whose stories I fall in love with is their generosity in helping writers who are just beginning. And, you and Deborah have certainly shown your generosity by taking what worked for you and sharing it with less experienced writers who were looking for direction. I do believe that writing brings clarity, as does reading for me. And, when writing my reviews for books, I often have an "aha" moment when I realize what made the story work for me. Another place where I gain lots of clarity in writing is right here on the Jungle Reds blog. Talking about different issues and meeting such interesting, productive people such as yourself keeps my mind curious and sharp. Thank you, Amanda for visiting the blog today. Oh, and I think Gigi has a great idea, for you and Deborah to write a book on your teachings.

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    1. Thank you, Kathy. The JRW community is a stellar example of the generosity of writers and readers who share openly with each other. I am so grateful to have found you all!

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  5. I admire you, Amanda, for realizing your process was a gift you could share with others. I love talking through an emerging plot I'm working on with a writer friend and gaining clarity on it. I don't think I've tried that with the plot of my own life, though! I don't journal or keep a diary, but I do write regular blog posts on the Wicked Authors and elsewhere, and sometimes those bring clarity about a particular (non-personal) topic.

    I wish you and your friend much success - and continued insight!

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    1. Thank you, Edith. It was so moving, over the course of the four sessions, to see the awakening in many of the women that their own story was worthy of being written and thus, understood. Give us time -- and pen and paper, and it's amazing the realizations we can come to.

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    2. I meant to also add that, seven years ago I left the day job to become a full-time (fiction) writer and it's one of the best choices I ever made!

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  7. Amanda, you are an inspiration. And I think you already are a Writer, based on this essay. Nice to get to know you better this way, too.

    Difficult periods of my life have always moved me to the page, first writing in shorthand notebook "diaries" (which my mother threw away because they did not flatter her or my dad), and now electronically, mostly. The psychic outlet of the writing process has great power. Sometimes it results in clarity, and other times in the enormous emotional sigh of catharsis. I'm really surprised it isn't used more in psychotherapy.

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    1. Karen - thank you for comment. I do feel like I'm working my way into that capital W writer identity...

      I love how you call writing a "psychic outlet"; it definitely has the power you describe. Even 'just' the daily log that I've been keeping for 18 months enables me to bring clarity to my thoughts. So helpful!

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    2. Karen, yikes, can't believe your mother threw away your diaries!

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    3. Me, either, Roberta!

      And to clarify, I wrote in shorthand notebooks, but in longhand. So my mother, God, and everybody could read them, unfortunately.

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  8. Fascinating! After writing college scholarship letters of recommendation for several years and teaching a workshop on the topic, I realized that "write enough details to make your candidate come alive on the page" could apply to fictional characters in a mystery! When the youngest left for college, I started writing fiction.

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    1. Oh my goodness, Margaret, that's a wonderful connection to have made. Congrats on turning your hand to fiction after your experience with letters of recommendation. I must say that I find such letters to be some of the most challenging writing I'm asked to do as a college instructor -- so much is riding on them for the student that I always feel the pressure of the task.

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  9. Wow Amanda, what a treat to wake up to your essay this morning. You've given me much room for thought about clarity through writing. I was thinking as I read how amazed I am at people who can tell a story, how fiction writing is completely beyond me, and how much other people's essays have influenced me. I do follow your blog, much too infrequently published! But you always make me think and investigate those thoughts. Thank you.

    I agree with Gigi. So you and Deborah get busy and make your insights available to the rest of us.

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    1. Thank you, Ann. Deborah and I are on retreat this weekend, so I've added Gigi's idea to our agenda. Who knows where it will take us...

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  10. Amanda, I am also nearing retirement and have always used writing to help sort through life, sometimes in journals and sometimes in fiction. Unlike you, I’ve actually stepped away from writing in the past few years, for the first time ever. I tell myself it’s because I’m so busy, but that’s certainly not the main reason since I have been busy before now and still managed to find time to write. The irony here is that I need to start writing again to figure out why I’m not writing! Your idea about focusing on this as a transition is creating some writerly stirrings, so thank you for this!

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  11. Yay, Cindy! I love the irony of writing to find out why you're not writing -- and I wish you well in that exploration. May you gain clarity for yourself in the process. All the best to you.

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  12. Amanda, this struck SO MANY chords for me... I find that I don't know what I think, especially about thorny personal issues, until I write about it. Actually sometimes it's not until I READ what I've written about it that bells start going off. That probably sounds strange to anyone who's not had the writing experience... or maybe you need a certain lack of self-awareness to be a writer? But I find I start out writing about something that happened and, if the magic is working, come to some kind of realization that I didn't have when I started writing. It's sort of magic. Thanks so much for sharing. Love the work you're doing and can't wait to invite you back to celebrate publication.

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    1. The same kind of magic can happen in psychotherapy--as a person talks, things get clear that started out hidden or very murky. And it's hard work, just like writing!

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    2. So why is it so hard to just THINK it through??

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    3. Now isn't that an interesting question to ponder, Hallie: why is it harder to 'just' think it through? I wonder if it's because we cannot see our thoughts...

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    4. I think just thinking about something leaves it too undefined. We can slack off and stop thinking, relying on how we feel instead. But words pin those feelings to the page, and make us think. As we grope for the right words, be begin to define the feelings.

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    5. Good point- it's all too easy to just give up or leave it fuzzy.

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    6. Good point, Gigi. I like that image of pinning words to the page. That's what forces clarity...

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  13. This is a great piece, Amanda. I’ve never been part of a writing group but I do meet friends occasionally to talk through sticky points in our plots. But a monthly sleepover? What fun. And I think you have the basis for a novel in your women transforming themselves through writing

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    1. Thank you, Rhys, for your comment and also for planting the seed about a novel. Hmmmm. I may yet turn my writing hand to fiction, who knows!

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  14. Amanda, what a stunning commentary. I am a little at a loss for words. You touch my heart with your story and insight. The Women's Room ; this book raised my consciousness in ways that are still working in me. Having had a very English upbringing and education, moving to the USA, even though I was married to an Englishman, was a sea change for all my senses. While reading is my overwhelming pleasure (cooking for family and friends comes close), writing was never popular. In fact, therapy was easier. But I have been encouraged by friends to write my life story, taken memoir classes but never got very far. Now with you all at Jungle, I'm writing. And yes, I save what I write in a different file, and yes I will work on it. Thank you all, for helping me remove the block.

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    1. Oh, Celia: Do keep writing your memoirs. My mother (at 91) is writing some of the stories of her life, and we are all eating them up. Even just the slim tale of seeing lions in Africa when she lived there as a young girl or going for her first job interview out of secretarial college in London make for great reading by family members.

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  15. Amanda, how wonderful it was to read your guest post since I often read your comments here. Your writing group sounds perfect! We have writing workshops at a local bookstore too. Are you writing a mystery novel or a memoir? Please let us know when your book is published. I will check out your blog.

    Diana

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    1. Diana: Thank you. Local bookstores that offer workshops are splendid, aren't they. I'm not writing either a novel or a memoir -- yet; for the moment, I'm focused on posts to my blog that tend to be about an event or situation in my own life that I think will resonate with a larger audience (for example, in one post tell the story of not being able to find the cat; in another, I tell the story of my wedding). I suppose such snippets might be called memoir-esque? I think, eventually, I'd like to try my hand at a piece of fiction, if only to see if I can learn how to build and sustain the arc of story telling through multiple characters and chapters.

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  16. Amanda, what a wonderful post on so many levels! You and Deborah are so fortunate to have found kindred spirits, and so generous to share your insights with others. I have never journaled as regularly as I'd like, in spite of my addiction to pretty books, but I can see--sometimes only after the fact--that I often work out personal issues in my novels. I've also been very lucky in having a couple of friends with whom I regularly share writing, and I'm always amazed at how much things can be clarified just by talking through a plot point or a character arc. I'm very envious of your retreat, however! I think Rhys has a great suggestion on the novel!

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    1. Thank you, Deborah. We are, indeed, lucky (and grateful) to have each other in our writing pursuits. As for the retreat, it came to me suddenly one day that such a thing didn't have to be complicated or involve long-distance travel! Just the commitment to do it regularly.

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  17. Writing does clarify things as it is WORK to figure out the issues and write them out in an orderly manner. Which is probably why I avoid it like the plague. I had a brief dalliance with keeping a diary way back in elementary school. My big brother cured me of that when he got into it and put his comments in. That's an issue. Writing such personal musings and keeping them private. I'd rather keep them in my head until I meet up with close friends I can go back and forth with. Unfortunately none of them live here! Oh well. I may try writing out some of my frustrations in trying to find my happy place to move to and why it's been such a logjam. At any rate I really enjoyed reading what you had to say today, Amanda.

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    1. Pat, thank you so much. The issue of privacy and confidentiality with diaries is, indeed, a big thing to sort out. Do you remember the teenage diaries with the tiny locks to keep out prying eyes? I guess the other solution might be Virginia Woolf's room of one's own with a lock on the door. Or, as you do, Pat, express the thoughts through speech with friends. But express those thoughts we must...

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  18. What a wonderful insight into your process and your progress. I am so pleased for you.

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  19. Shalom Reds and fans. Shalom Amanda. I enjoyed reading your post this morning. I am a “slow” reader and writing is almost painful to me. Several times in my life, particularly after I turned 40, I had a friend who was willing to read with me. We’d buy 2 copies of the same book, usually a novel, and alternately read aloud, a page at a time. We’d do it daily (on the phone if necessary) and we would only do 20 minutes to a half hour. Before we had blogs or podcasts, I remember listening to Isaiah Sheffer hosting on NPR, Selected Shorts at Symphony Space on the Upper West Side in Manhattan. I equally loved, The Fiddlehead or Glimmer Train.

    I have several tales, some actual experiences of mine, some just from my imagination, which are waiting for me to set pen to paper. I tell myself, now is the time; I am not getting younger. Thank you for your post this morning.

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    1. Oh, David, yes: Now is the time. The writing doesn't have to be epic. An ordinary notebook, pen close by. Jot down the thoughts as they come. You might well be surprised at what they construct over time.

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  20. Amanda, I'm very happy to learn here a little more about you, your writing process and your workshop.
    Writing about a situation has often helped me to clarify my ways.
    When I retired, I wanted to write but it didn't work too well. So last fall when an autobiographical workshop opened, I decided to attend. In doing so and in sharing my experiences with the group, I discovered things about me that I haven't never thought about.
    Will you and your friend repeat your workshop experience ?

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    1. Danielle: Isn't it interesting what we can uncover about ourselves when an externally orchestrated process guides us in that uncovering? That is the value of participating in a workshop or group.

      Deborah and I do hope to run the sessions again in March; and we're contemplating developing a Part II to run in the fall for those who wish to take the process further/deeper. Fingers crossed that we get enough interest to keep on doing this!

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  21. Chiming in late because I'm down with the H1N1 flu and have been in bed most of the day! Amanda, this rang so true for me - I only ever know what I'm really writing about until after the thing is written. And I join my voice with everyone else encouraging you and Deborah to turn your experience/classes into a book!

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    1. Julia: Thank you for checking in and for your encouragement. And I'm so sorry you're down with the flu. How rotten for you. Take care of yourself!

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  22. In and out of airports all day… And running in at the last minute to give you a huge hug and ultra congratulations! Thank you for this beautiful post… And for your friendship. Xxxxx

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    1. Hank: Thank you for running in at the end of your busy day. I am so grateful for this JRW community. xo

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  23. What a great post. And great insight into what writing can mean to an author. Thanks.

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    1. Brenda: How lovely to find your comment here today. Thank you so much for reading and for contributing to the conversation.

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