Sunday, February 16, 2020

Lucy's Experiment on Writing What She's Not

Photo by Steve Callahan


LUCY BURDETTE: Since we had the discussion two weeks ago about whether an author should write from a point of view character that she doesn't know and understand personally, I've been puzzling over that question. I began to noodle around with a short story idea following our African trip, and I decided you all might like to offer opinions and advice. 

It seemed to me that this story could be written from several different points of view. One might be the tour director, who I was imagining as a young-ish white woman. She would know the people on the trip and be able to translate their peculiarities to the local Namibian authorities. (And I could imagine being in her shoes fairly easily.) Another, I imagined might be Bigboy, a local black man who is hired to help with the boat safari and fishing and sightseeing trips. As a native from the nearby village, he would have a very different perspective on the crime and the tourists, while also having experience with the ship and the wild setting. So that's the way I began to write the story. But I wondered if I could ever really understand his POV? Here's a snippet of the story draft and then I'd love to hear from you!





Murder on the Zambezi Queen by Lucy Burdette

It was said by village lore that there were a thousand ways to die along the river. But this time, death appeared to have come by human being, not by an annoyed hippopotamus, not by crocodile snatching the body and pulling it thrashing below the surface of the water to store for a later meal, not by puff adder or black mamba snakes, not by a charging Cape Buffalo.
The body floated in the hot tub, which technically was not hot at all, as the motor had quit earlier in the week and could not be restored. It had been determined by the captain in conversation with the authorities that the body should not be moved since the woman was so clearly dead and evidence could too easily be destroyed. All three of the retired physicians on the tour agreed that there was no sign of life. Much to the dismay of the dead woman’s fellow travelers, she bobbed face up, following the rhythm of the river as it was disturbed by the wake of arriving boats. Perhaps, thought Bigboy, the local tour liaison, the cooler temperature of the dysfunctional tub might preserve the evidence.
The ship’s captain called over the intercom for all passengers to come out of their cabins, take seats in the lounge, and refrain from talking. It was an hour before sunset, the cocktail hour for some, and nap time for others who’d taken advantage of two or even three of the small boat cruises up the river to see the wildlife. Or perhaps drunk too many glasses of excellent rose at lunch.
As they emerged from the lower decks with mussed hair and baggy safari garb in shades of beige and gray, they were escorted to the outside deck, the one on the far end from the body and the tub. Two Namibian police officers, who had raced up to the houseboat in a small motor boat, queried them about their relationship to the floating woman, and asked each in turn what they might have seen or noticed. Bigboy perched in a corner where he could both eavesdrop on the conversations around him and listen to the questions of the Namibian authorities.
The younger of the two officials glanced around the room as if he had never seen such luxury. And quite probably he hadn’t. The only local people who’d seen the interior of this ship were villagers who worked shifts on the boat, providing three meals per day and a river of wine and beer, and ministering to the cabins of the guests whenever they were out viewing wildlife. How was it fair, he wondered, that the people in the villages bordering the river shared one outhouse, while the American tourists had their personal toilets cleaned twice a day?
The ever-cheery tour director sat in for each interview, offering bottled water and cheerful attempts at reassurance. But Bigboy suspected that scratch beneath her surface, sheer panic bloomed. This death was a tour director‘s nightmare, the worst possible nightmare, worse than having to airlift someone out of the bush with a cardiac emergency. Worse even than receiving and then having to break the news of a dead parent or desperately sick child.
Eventually the tour director’s turn with the questioning came.
“Did you know this deceased?”
“We all knew her, we’ve been on this tour for almost two weeks.” She couldn’t prevent herself from a roll of the eyes. “She was not the kind of woman who remained in the background. This morning at breakfast we heard a round up of her hormone replacement therapy right down to the dosages that kept her husband happy and her skin young. Her husband sat there across the table with a dumb grin on his face.” She leaned forward to whisper. "More than once I wondered if there was something wrong with him." She mimicked a whirling motion with one finger and mouthed the word 'cuckoo'.
The Namibian police officers looked perplexed, confused.
She drew back and sat up straight. “What I mean to say is that we’ve been together for two weeks. And most of us had not met each other before this trip. And if you put a cross-section of the human race into a confined space, some of them are bound to turn up annoying. And even if the group is gelling, about ten days into the trip, the people start to get, well”… she paused, “as we say in the business, scratchy. And then once your mind identifies someone as annoying, those same people grow louder and more annoying, or so it seems. And then the daydreams begin.” Her words trailed off, as if realizing she was saying way too much.




Thoughts Reds? Is one or the other possible POV more interesting to you? Would writing from Bigboy's perspective feel like too much of a reach for a caucasian woman writer? 

33 comments:

  1. I enjoyed this little excerpt, Lucy, and, now that I’m wondering about the floating woman, I would love to read the rest of the story.
    As a reader, I thought Bigboy’s point of view, especially regarding the disparity between the people of the village and the tourists was spot-on . . . .

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  2. I like this so far, and Alexander McCall Smith sure pulled it off. Ideally you'd want a Namibian man as consultant. Do you feel you spent enough time getting to know the person you modeled Bigboy on to understand how he viewed the outsiders on the tour? His reactions and cultural norms? You could always write the story both ways and see which you like best.

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  3. OMG,what you have here (potentially) is a variation of MURDER ON THE ORIENT EXPRESS. I could see a rotating viewpoint, through each of the heads of the tourists, EACH with a reason to kill that beastly woman who was driving everyone nuts...

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  4. I am speaking personally here, not so much to your snippet, but I think I'd stick with the white female tour director. She is very interesting, too, being surrounded by people of a culture that might not be her own, even if she grew up there. If she came from somewhere else--possibly America--because she loved the animals, or because the company hired her over here and sent her over there, she could reflect some of the awe, but also friction with the local people you felt.

    The problem for me in writing from Bigboy's perspective would be that I don't know enough about the local legends and lore, so I'd have to make something up. And unless I knew the name Bigboy's mother gave him (which surely wasn't Bigboy) and what he believes and loves, I could not begin to reflect his point of view without a lot of stereotypes getting in my way.

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    1. Good points Gigi, you're putting your finger on some of the challenges. BTW, we did have one lovely guide on part of the trip whose name was Bigboy. He said the doctor announced to his mother as he was born "that's a big boy." And it's been his name ever since.

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  5. Like Hallie, I immediately thought about writing from different viewpoints throughout the book, even if you just switch between the tour director and Bigboy. That could really emphasize how differently people notice and explain the world around them!

    I do think it’s possible to write well using a viewpoint character with a different gender and/or culture from you, but that makes writing the story a whole lot harder.

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  6. I like writing the story from the tour director's perspective. Maybe half the people on the tour have a history with the victim (she worked at a C level for a bank that represented a huge retirement fund that defaulted). And add a savvy passenger (reporter?) who teams up with the tour director to discover what really happened.

    When we were on a two week Egypt tour, members of the group would ask me how I would create a murder story using different scenarios...the Great Pyramid, the boat on a deserted Lake Nasser, the hot air balloon ride over the Valley of the Kings. Great conversations over dinner. Everybody loves a mystery.

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    1. I like these ideas Margaret—and you’re right, mysteries are so popular!

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    2. The tour director's father lost his life savings in the bank default and that's why she ended up in Africa. She's in it up to her eyeballs and the reporter knows it.

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  7. I enjoyed the snippet. My first thought was that I would like a multiple POV. One knowing or seeing what another didn't.
    The best choice is the one you feel that works best for you. If you love your story, we will too.

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  8. This is complicated. Until I read your explanation, Lucy, of why you named him Bigboy, I was concerned about that name choice. Even then, I bring to the reading of this story -- the premise of which I like -- concerns about cultural appropriation. Back in the day, I read and enjoyed Alexander McCall Smith's stories; I'm not sure I would pick them up to read today. As a writer, we know our own motivation, but as a reader, we make assumptions about the writer and their motivations -- and those assumptions overlay how we read the work. Therefore, I would likely stick with the tour director's perspective, even though it may mark me as taking the easier way out of this quandary....

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    1. I agree re McCall-Smith's stories, not to my taste today, not at all. It is good, though, that we learn and grow.

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  9. Lucy, I think what you are attempting is a great idea--start with a short story and work your way through the problems of gender, ethnicity, culture. You have a writer's eye for detail and a psychological understanding of what makes people tick. Wrestle with the basic questions, then go back and parse the language you use for each character. Even in their thoughts, is each word apt? P.S. Loving the boat's name!

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  10. If u decide to stay with Bigboy, I'd change his name. Unfortunately it sounds demeaning to me and if the character is narrating he deserves a STRONG name. Another thought is if the narrator was a priest or minister, someone who works closely with various people and cultures. My experience is the people aboard the ship probably come from many different countries, where the cultures will vary. That leads me to the woman; who also has intuition on her side but who could also be a black woman with an educators background? Love the story so far with it's nod to The Orient Express, which delights me to know end.

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    1. thanks for the ideas Jean, it's so interesting to hear what you all are thinking as you read this!

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  12. Lucy, I think one big challenge of writing from his point of view is the cadence of his speech. I love the opening lines but then you take me out of his speech with words he wouldn’t use. The motor quit etc. I think you’d need to spend way more time among people to get it all right. And then you’d never really know how they processed thought and fear based on their culture. But dual POV might work for a short story

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  14. I agree with the name. Even though it actually is someone's name, it does seem cliche to me. Our tour guide's name was Zepha, from Zephariah in the Bible, and there were a lot of Biblical names among the other guides we ran into.

    As for the irritating tourist, you nailed it. On a group trip to Peru and Ecuador one woman was SO annoying, everyone in the group was ready to heave her over the side of the boat. Our guides would spend 15 minutes carefully going over the day's plans, and she would then ask 30 questions covering exactly the same ground. I gave the guides huge props for not acting as weary as they surely felt.

    That's a big boat, if it has a hot tub! That's the way to travel.

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  15. The name Bigboy was off putting for me, even after you explained it. While you could keep the real person in mind as you write from his POV, why give him a name that might possibly offend someone?
    Another thought: Not that I'll ever write a word, but if I were to write about a place whose customs and culture were very new and unusual to me, I might give it a fictional name. That way I could make it up as I went along! Easy way out for me, the writer who exists only in my dreams! xox

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    1. Every time I've read this, I've found another error, thus the multiple deletions. Maybe I need an editor? Or a dictionary?

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    2. I agree that it would be easier to make up my own village etc.

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  16. There are some very good comments here, Lucy, and I think I agree with some who think it might be very difficult to accurately say what Bigboy might be thinking, the words he might use. I'm not crazy about his name either, for the same reason others have given.
    But do keep working on it; I want to know what happened!

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  17. Lucy I agree with Hallie. This could be a good Murder on the Orient Express/Death on the Nile type story. As others do, I have a problem with the name Bigboy even though you explained where the name came from. I think we should have diverse characters in our stories, yet we shouldn't try to tell a story that belongs to someone else. I read what you have of the story and know that isn't your intent. I wouldn't have the skills to do it justice, but I know you do. It will be a great story when it's finished.

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  18. You know what I love about this? This is such a different voice! This is a very elegant knowing wry voice, Lucy/Roberta, and I love this from you!

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  19. Lucy, I love the bones of this! Wonderful descriptions and atmosphere and set up! I do agree about the name, and while I like his wry voice, it also feels a bit...omniscient, maybe. I think you could work on the authenticity, on really getting inside this character, and I really like the idea of including him in rotating viewpoints. I would love to see where you take this, and brava to you for sharing with us!!

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  20. Lucy, I agree with Rhys about the problems of using Bigboy as a narrator, the cadence of his speech and using vocabulary he wouldn't use. And, as Rhys said, even spending some time with his people, I'm not sure the cultural reaction and nuances could ever be authentically captured in a culture so different from ours. I also had a negative reaction to the name Bigboy, and although you explained the actual existence of such a person, readers of the story aren't going to have that explanation in their minds as they read the tale. The name is something that could definitely adversely affect the story.

    Of course, the concerns I voiced don't mean I didn't love the idea of a Murder on the Orient Express story taking place on board an African cruise boat. With your newly gained experience of the wonders of Africa, you could write an amazing tale of exotic intrigue. Your photos that I enjoyed so much practically beg a story be told. When I think about the pictures you could paint with the descriptions of the ship and the African experiences, along with a murder, I am excitedly looking forward to a complete story (or book) from you, Lucy. You have such a great command of creating interesting characters and bringing their motivations to light, I hope you use your talents to further develop the characters and story of this African tale. I'm already "dying" to know more about the annoying dead woman. As Debs said, this story has great "bones."

    And, I'm glad I don't have to choose a narrator for the story because I'm not sure who would be best. The tour guide? Rotating viewpoints? One of the tourists? I'm sure that your choice will be the right one, Lucy, because, as I've already mentioned, you know people and characters and how to do them well.

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  21. The cruise director is more credible in my view. I think the indigenous characters would need to be vetted but someone who knows their culture to give them some authenticity. As it is, they are either not able to grasp the white woman's vernacular (the policemen) or they speak in it (Bigboy). I find both of those to be problematic. Writing is dialect wouldn't be very good either. My view: a white female author cannot adequately represent the indigenous character without substantial help from someone who has lived the experience.

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  22. While I liked what I read, I would not use the name Bigboy. It could be misunderstood and spoil the story. I would prefer the female tour guide point of view or one of the tourists. Kind of depends on who the killer is.

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