Monday, January 17, 2022

Fueled by failure

 HALLIE EPHRON: Recently I was talking to my sister Delia, a fantastic writer, about how much easier it is to start a novel than it is to finish it. You start off with a great situation, a compelling character, and get the storytelling ball rolling. Then somewhere in ACT II, you come to a dead stop, suddenly unsure what should happen next. Whatever I had planned starts to feel anemic. The story has no oomph.

I recognize that moment. It's why I abandoned my first novel. It's only in retrospect that I realize what was going on: I knew what I wanted to happen, but not why it mattered. How was it part of my main character's arc? How was her past driving the story? And how was what happens in the novel going to transform her?

I didn’t even know to ask those questions, but I could feel the story lying limp on the page.

It didn’t come to me like a blast from the blue. I stopped halfway through and started something new. I finished it, only to realize it had the same problem when editors rejected that second novel.

But this time, one of them actually told me what was lacking. (She said: “I need to care about what happened to your protagonist before the novel opens and what’s going to happen to him after the story ends.” And I hadn’t made her care.)
I was able to make changes to that novel and sold it, my first two-book deal with a major publisher. That success felt sweeter coming after failure, and it’s a lesson I’ve never forgotten.

Which brings me to today’s question. Was there some aspect of being a novelist that at first you failed at, and did you take away any realization that made you succeed later on?

HANK PHILLIPPI RYAN: Such a great question! I wonder what failure means. Making a wrong decision, getting rejected, missing the point, writing a not-the-best chapter, having a not-the-best idea? I think the only thing about “failure” is to see it as a step along the way. I hate feeling disappointed and unhappy and rejected as much as anyone–and sometimes it feels like I hate it MORE than anyone–but my logical brain thinks it has got to be a part of the learning process.

It’s true, sometimes I think–okay, universe, I KNOW this already, so can we just get to the good part? But for instance–my first manuscript got turned down by a lot of agents. Then–I changed the query letter, and the SAME manuscript was flooded with yeses. Failure or success?

JULIA SPENCER-FLEMING: I’ve been embarrassingly fortunate as far as selling my books goes, so I don’t have traditional tales of failure. What I do have is a track record, beginning with my sixth book, of being unable to finish a manuscript anywhere near the deadline, and that definitely feels like failure.

I thought most of the reasons I wasn’t hitting the mark were environmental, but I live alone (with an adult daughter who makes no demands on me) and I can’t say one hour-long dog walk a day is taking up all my work time.

So I’ve had to dig down and address my various issues, which is scary, and I’ve come to the possibility that I need to re-train my brain to do sustained, deeply creative work over a period of hours. I used to do it daily, and it’s felt like a failure to not have that kind of focus on command.



I’m trying to think about it like exercise. I used to swim regularly, and haven’t since early 2020, and I know if I ever get back to the Y, I’ll be starting all over again ab initio.

So I’m hoping the cure for failure is like adding one lap a day to my workout. Everybody into the pool!

LUCY BURDETTE: Honestly, there’s always something to fail at in this business. Succeeding (at whatever level) takes a ton of perseverance, and also the willingness to step back and learn.

I had a year’s worth of no thank you’s on my first novel, FINAL ROUND, and then the publisher who bought the series based on Cassie the golfer didn’t want that first book. I did try arguing my point, explaining why that first book was so important, but you can imagine how that went!

It’s been twenty years now, which amazes me, and I’ve learned so much about writing and characters and publishing. One idea that keeps me wanting to write even though it’s hard, is that I can always get better. I desperately want to be the best I can be. I’ve also learned that sometimes a rejection has nothing to do with your work–it has to do with what the publisher *thinks* they can sell.

RHYS BOWEN: In many ways I’ve had a charmed life as far as writing is concerned. At the beginning there were definitely a lot of rejection letters when I was in my twenties and writing for children and YA. A steep learning curve about why the books of my English childhood did not fit with current American childhood. Then a big piece of luck, being asked to write for a bestselling series.

When I moved on to adult mysteries it really was starting at the bottom again. My first print run for Evans Above was 2500. Hardcover. Not too many people are going to know about this book. So I worked really hard at the promotion side, visiting every bookstore, speaking to every book group that invited me, going to every convention. And then making sure every subsequent book was better. The second book in the series got nominated for a Barry Award beside Ian Rankin and Michael Connelly.

My one satisfying story of failure into success was In Farleigh Field. I came up with the story for this book about twenty years ago. I showed it to my then-agent who said nobody was interested in WWII and it was insulting to write about people living comfortably in Britain when those in Europe were suffering so much.

So I put the idea aside, but it continued to haunt me. I got a new agent, by the way. And when I felt that I was secure enough in my writing career I showed her the partial manuscript. She loved it. My publishers not so much. Too far from my brand.

So a new publisher, a big risk, and 400,000 copies later it’s still going strong.
The one fear after winning awards and writing books that sell well is that the next book won’t live up to what readers expect, that I’ll get a review saying “not up to her usual standard”.

JENN McKINLAY: Epic failure on every level. If failure were offered as a major at university, I’d likely have my doctorate by now. In what ways did I fail? I failed at character, plot, story arcs, point of view, you name it, I mucked it up.

I wrote six full length novels before I finally sold one at the age of 31. I thought I was on my way. Nope. After three romantic comedies, the market dried up. Romcom was dead and I thought that was it, that was my shot, the ride was over.

But, I’m a contrary person with a raging case of Oppositional Defiant Disorder. Want me to do something? Tell me I can’t. I’ll show you. I rolled into mysteries and my career took flight.
Looking back, I realize the best thing that ever happened to me was to fail repeatedly. It made me work harder, smarter, and most importantly to write for myself and no one else. Once I wrote what I wanted to read, the game changed completely.

DEBORAH CROMBIE: I took a creative writing course after I graduated from college, when I was first thinking I might just might maybe maybe attempt to write something. Not mysteries, mind you, those were nowhere on my horizon yet, but I was working on poems and literary-ish short stories.

The instructor (continuing education class) said I had no talent and should not waste my time. Or his. Who even was this person???? What a horrible thing to do!!

And I was so discouraged that I didn't write, seriously, for at least another ten years. Now I think about my time in Edinburgh, when I could have been scribbling away at a J.K. Rowling-esque blockbuster! Wasted!

But eventually I reached a point where I was determined to write even if people laughed at me, which they did. Then I sold my first novel six months after I finished it, but the fact that I never had to deal with the stacks of rejection letters doesn't mean that I don't live in constant fear that I can't really write or that the next book won't be any good. I think self-doubt and fear of failure is just a given in the writing life and the only cure is to keep working.

HALLIE: I agree wholeheartedly -- keep working, proving to yourself to yourself, over and over again.

Was there some important goal in your life that you failed to reach, only to come back to and succeed, and what made the difference?

57 comments:

  1. I've never had much self-confidence so I usually elected not to try anything new, even if it was something I felt strongly about. After John snd I were married, he would never let me get away with not trying and I'd end up taking the plunge instead of letting things that were important to me slip by. I'm absolutely certain that having someone believe in your ability to accomplish something, to give you a little "push" while supporting your efforts, makes all the difference.

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    1. ... or even just give you the space to try! Joan, that resonates with me, too. I remember how my husband never questioned when I moved from making a regular salary to the precariousness of freelance work, and from there to unpaid-until-you-sell-it novel writing. He gave me emotional and financial ballast... and the belief that if I tried, I could do it.

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  2. Goodness, ladies, how inspiring you all are, and so many good lessons. I wrote two-thirds of a mystery before putting it on the shelf for fifteen years. The premise for it ended up being my first Local Foods mystery, but most of it got thrown out.

    I have a hand-off supportive partner, but when I was writing my first novel, he said, "You know, it's really hard to get published." I said, "Somebody's going to get published, and it might as well be me." 26 books later...

    Despite now having two successful ongoing cozy series, I've had two series canceled. Another series (with a micro press) I stopped writing, although they are now reissued with fresh edits and gorgeous new covers and sell a bit every month.

    I'm still trying to improve, to challenge myself, and it's hard, full of self doubt and worry. But right now it's nearly seven and I have a date with my manuscript! Off I go to try to deepen and strengthen this new challenging project and make sure a reader will care about my characters before the book starts and after it ends. ;^)

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    1. Edith, you are a model for us all! Indomitable spirit and infatigueable work ethic. I could use some of both.

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    2. That is the word...to keep challenging, it does make a difference

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    3. Thank you, Grace and Hallie. Definitely, Dru!

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  3. REDS: Thanks for sharing your writing failures and journeys.
    What I get from these stories is that timing and making a change (query letter, publisher, agent) can often turn a failure into a success. You have to believe in yourself (and the story) and stick with it.

    JENN: I also have Oppositional Defiant Disorder, and that's a great descriptor! When someone tells me I can't do something, I just buckle down and work harder to show them they're wrong, lol.

    Being one of the pioneers in climate change research (in Canada) has its pros and cons. Some early research proposals I had were rejected by my director or the evaluation committee. But I kept some pet projects in a dusty folder until the right funding opportunity came around and re-submitted them. And guess what? They were funded and I had some of the best publications and media exposure (e.g. front page newspaper articles in the Toronto Star, or Le Devoir) in my career.

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    1. Grace, someday I'd love to host you on the front of the blog talking about your climate change research... and a question I always have which is how can one person make a difference. Talk offline?

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    2. Grace, oh I would love to hear your take as well.

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    3. What a good idea, Hallie. GRACE - please say yes!

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    4. Yes yes Grace, we are so eager to hear!

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    5. It's like weaponizing stubbornness. LOL.

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  4. Thanks Reds. All your responses to failure are insightful and glad you didn't let it deter you. Like Jenn, if someone says I can't, I'm going to show then that I can.

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  5. Jenn, thanks for the mention of ODD. I have it. I've lived through "you can't write so why am I wasting my time reading your submission?" to "You didn't follow the submission guidelines (unavailable--I searched for them) so we're rejecting your story" to "compelling story with plot flaws". I'm getting there.

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    1. I've been there, Margaret... sigh... WHen I get invited to give a keynote at a writing conference I like to read my rejection letters :-)

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    2. Yes,I do that too--my rejection letters are hilarious. Now.

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  6. One discouraging comment can stay with you a lifetime, can't it? Here are all you very successful writers, still stinging or irritated enough from a negative comment that you remember it verbatim. That should be a lesson for us all: words matter. Enormously.

    I've had to force myself to hold onto positive remarks, instead of internalizing the ones that belittle. It helps to be an optimistic Libra, right ladies?

    And ODD sounds way better than just stubborn as a mule!

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    1. You're so right... I can read a 90 percent positive review and only remember the snarky negative bits.

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    2. Karen you're right - words matter. I have often noticed that words can soften the hard edges of life. Or create them.

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    3. This is why I don't read reviews! LOL.

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  7. Oh my gosh, what a post! Oppositional Defiant Disorder. Oh yeah. In my corporate days, my bosses referred to this as "having opinions." They seemed to think that was a bad thing.

    What have I failed at first and then succeeded? Marriage. And overcoming imposter syndrome, at least on occasion.

    Thanks, Reds for sharing.

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    1. Imposter syndrome! I remember a psychologist studied my incoming class at Barnard College and discovered how many of us had gotten in by mistake, a fluke, or we'd somehow cheated the system. I think it can afflict men,too, but not as often as it does women.

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  8. That whole 'fear of failure' and self-doubt? We've been acquainted a lo-o-o-ng time. The first major goal I ever set for myself was to graduate college. I did that and found out how little you can do with an undergraduate degree in anthropology when you live in a small town surrounded by other small towns. Three very discouraging years later, I met with the then department head at Ohio State. She advised me to get some field experience and by happenstance, an unusual class was being offered that spring. I had very little money, but a couch to sleep on. I closed my eyes and jumped. Fast forward 30 or so years later, I could look back on a career spent managing million-dollar projects, building a specialized stone tool lab (high-power microwear analysis), a faunal lab, an internship program for high school, undergraduate, and graduate students, mentoring young people who've gone on to greater success than I ever wanted for myself. So, thanks, Dr. Bourguignon, for that little push and belief in me.

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    1. When someone else believes in us, it's easier to believe in ourselves, right?

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    2. Wow! Flora taht's amazing. I had no idea that was your background. I had to look up "faunal lab" - your career would make a great career for a fictional sleuth!

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    3. Looking that up now, too! Flora and Faunal.

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    4. Halie, thanks! Forensic archaeology is a better fit for a sleuth, I think. But, my ideas were stolen, stolen, I tell you! Elly Griffiths does a brilliant job with her Ruth Galloway series. ;-)

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    5. Oh, Hank! If I had a nickel for every time someone told me I should've been working on floral remains, well, let's just say I could've retired much earlier! :-)

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    6. That is awesome, Flora! So interesting!

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  9. The only failure is to stop. Everything else is learning.

    I stopped pursuing a career in radio, after someone at the private station where I was doing a placement during journalism school told me that my British-influenced accent would never wash on air (which is where I wanted to be). Like an innocent, I believed that man and turned my attention to print instead. That has served me well, but maybe in retirement I'll reprise my on-air dreams.

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    1. Though it's hard when the industry and financial structure supporting it gets transformed. What radio used to be and what it IS now, very different. And so much harder to actually get paid for the work.

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  10. All of you - Reds and Readers above are so inspiring. I wish I could tell you about a time that I dug in and overcame failure but I'm afraid I gave up instead. Or the time I didn't follow through. Almost as a joke, when I was a Reading Teacher I suggested to my Principal that I bring in my dog which could help kids be better readers. This was way back in the early 90s when this was not a Thing at all. Instead of laughing, as I had expected him to do, he told me to write up a proposal and we'd see how it would go. I dropped the ball and never did anything. It occurs to me now that perhaps he was calling my bluff. I don't know. But somewhere out there someone else had that idea and followed through. Reading to dogs is now a common practice.

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    1. Reading to dogs! I did not know, but it makes perfect sense

      You're reminding me of the first time I attempted to write something about teaching (I taught in a NYC public elementary school, first career) I got suggestions about how to revise it and instantly gave up. Because up to then everything had come so easy? Maybe. Then the person who'd read my manuscript lost it. LOST IT... in the days before computers when you could actually have a single copy of something. I so wish I could get my hands on taht piece of writing now.

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  11. Thank you, thank you, thank you. All of you. I have been working at just getting back to working -writing every day, even if it's bad. And I realized yesterday
    that I have gone in a direction that is a dead end! Last few days work need to be tossed and I need to go back and rethink this. (insert silent tantrum here) Really I need
    to suck it up and do the hard work on structure.(oy - not my strong suit) So I am very grateful today to read all your shared encouraging stories. Now back to (yikes!)outlining

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    1. Often I can't SEE structure until it *isn't* there - first drafts that suck can be so helpful as long as they don't kill you.

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    2. Thanks, Hallie. I have your printout from your recent Webinar right in front of me!I have lots of interesting ambiguous characters, hints of evil doings, etc, etc. All I have to do is figure out how they all connect. :-)

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  12. I think Jenn really hit the nail on the head here. Write what you want to read. Charlaine Harris was juggling two mid-list series that chugged along in well-reviewed obscurity for St. Martin's Press. Then she wrote the book she wanted to read - a comedic Southern vampire mystery-romance. It took her agent two years to sell the first Sookie Stackhouse novel, but when he did... hoo boy.

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    1. Every book I’ve written has been one I wanted to read but wasn’t on a shelf!

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  13. I failed at my first mystery. Oh, I completed it. But it was...not good. Fortunately, I had many supportive people in my Sisters in Crime chapter to tell me why and encourage me to write another one. Then another.

    I queried the first Laurel Highlands Mystery for 2 years and racked up I-don't-know-how-many rejections for it before it was accepted by the very last small press I queried.

    You just have to keep at it.

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    1. "You just have to keep at it..." Easy to say but oh so hard to do. Because you can't just keep doing what you were doing... you've got to listen and learn and change. Not everyone can. Not for the faint of heart...

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    2. Yes. Doing the same thing over and over, and expecting different results = the definition of insanity.

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  14. I love you ladies, and your honesty, and your ability to rip off the band aid and show the wounds. You give the rest of us hope.

    I suffer from Jenn's Oppositional Defiant Disorder. Tell me no, I am so there you can't believe it. What did I fail at? Tons of stuff - but I did it anyway. Rappel down cliffs (did you know knees can actually bounce up and down independent of any intention on your part) jump out of an airplane (Geronimo sounds a lot like I don't wanna go). Yep. failure it's the meat of life.

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    1. Aaagh. I would not want to fail at jumping out of a plane... Much softer landing when you fail at querying an agent.

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  15. I was told repeatedly that as an American, I would never be able to sell a British mystery. Also I had no experience in policing, or much of anything else, really, other than my college degree and time spent working in a family business. But I wrote what I wanted to read, and it turned out that other people liked it, too. That first book was as much a labor of love as a case of Operational Defiant Disorder!

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    1. And it was wonderful! Kudoes to your agent and editor as well...

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  16. The first thing that comes to mind after reading today's post is that I'm so glad those of you Jungle Red authors who had rejections and discouraging comments didn't give up. I think of all the favorite books I would have missed had you not persisted. The second thought is that if the desire to write is in your very soul, you will write, no matter what. So, again, persistence wins the day.

    The goal in my life that I went back to was getting my Masters in Library Science. I had the desire earlier in life, but I got married and had kids and so on. Finally, when I was in my latter 40s, I started on it, and the classes were all online. I had to overcome that fear first, learning how to use Blackboard and do projects online, but I was fortunate to have a couple of friends who had already started a Masters online, and they acquainted me with the process. So, I still had my son in high school, but I jumped in. In 2006, my son graduated from high school, my daughter graduated from college, and I graduated from my Masters program.

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    1. That must have been QUITE a graduation party!! Cheers to you, Kathy!

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    2. Fantastic, Kathy! It's never too late.

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  17. I love you all for persisting. Think of all the wonderful books we'd not have had otherwise. <3
    When my first school district laid off all the un-tenured teachers, a friend told me that they'd done me a big favor, though it didn't feel like it. He was right on both. It had taken eight years from graduation for demographics to change so that districts were hiring, so it was terrible to be searching again. Then, after a year of teaching study skills in numerous cities and states (and Jamaica), I was hired in Francis Howell S. D. and discovered how wonderful teaching could be in a good school with good support. <3

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