Saturday, January 29, 2022

In Her Defense--Breaking Up Is Hard to Do!



HANK PHILLIPPI RYAN: Right now, I am doing two things at once. One, I am worrying about the snow. (Are you all okay?)

Two, I am singing “come-a come-a down, doobie doo down down,” over and over, in my head. Thank you, Amy Impellizzeri.

(If you don’t know that song, lucky you, because the people who do have the ear worm now. Sorry, Reds and readers. (Look up Breaking Up Hard to Do by Neil Sedaka. Described in 1962 by AllMusic as “Two minutes and sixteen seconds of pure pop magic.”) Anyway.)


Amy Impellizzeri? Is one of the most amazingly innovative and energetic and talented people I know. She moves at a non-stop pace, writing best-selling fiction and non-fiction, being a leader at the Tall Poppies, doing TV book reviews on network TV, and generally being a fabulous person. You can see more in her bio, below.

Question for you: if you have a job that identifies who you are, what happens when you leave it? The fabulous Amy has been there, done that…and succeeded wildly. And she’s here to tell us how.


AND: a copy of her brand new IN HER DEFENSE (notice the shoes!) to one lucky commenter!



Breaking Up
    by Amy Impellizzeri


“I took a one year sabbatical from my New York City law career over a decade ago. And I’m still on it.”

I often start conversations with new friends this way. It’s my way of making light of a big transition, the after-effects of which continue to flare up on me even now.

I started out my professional life with only one goal: to be a lawyer. And then I continued my professional life with one more goal: make it to the top. When I got an offer to join the Mass Torts Litigation Department at Skadden Arps - one of the biggest law firms in the country, working on some of the most high-profile litigation at that time, well, I felt pretty good. 

I marched into the partner’s office at the smaller firm where I was cutting my litigation teeth at the time to give him the news. That partner looked at me sadly and said, “You’ll never be happy there.”

I was sort of shocked and very indignant. Of course I would be happy. It was more money. More prestige. I would be a Skadden lawyer. Just saying the words out loud gave me a kind of clout I felt certain would make up for any negatives. 

Ten years later, however, I was burned out from regularly working 80-90 hours a week, sleeping on the office floor, and evading the advances of, and sexual harrassment by, male counsel and partners. It wasn’t any fun to be a Skadden lawyer anymore. It wasn’t even fun to say I was one.

Just as my former mentor had predicted, I was not, it turns out, happy there.

But still, it wasn’t easy to leave. I didn’t run out the door. Instead, I applied for a one-year sabbatical and made plans for a temporary leave only. I didn’t pack up my office or take my degrees off the wall. I just turned off the lights and said: See you in a year. 

Leaving the law was, for me, in many ways, like leaving a relationship (albeit an abusive one). There was sadness, poignancy, emotional trauma, financial implications, and other practical considerations. I wasn’t prepared to break up with the law completely at that time.

I took the year to re-group. I was intentional, taking on projects that would help me decide what to do next. I did some pro bono work, some advocacy work. I worked with a start-up company that helped female entrepreneurs tell their stories and I attended Board meetings for a local non-profit. In a decision that would have some lasting effects, I reclaimed my voice and started writing again.

At the end of the year, I had started writing what would become my first novel and I had an offer to join the executive team of that start-up company. I was, in a word, happy. But still, I couldn’t quite cut ties with my lawyer identity and I asked Skadden if I could extend my sabbatical with a leave of absence. We decided a 3 year leave made sense.

By the time my three years was up, I had 2 book contracts, a new lease on life, and a new opening line when I’d meet new friends: “I’m still on my one-year sabbatical from Skadden. That I took 4 years ago.”

Each year, I’d change the line slightly, but not the message.

The message was and is: It’s a lot for me to admit I gave up my identity. My ability to say I’m a Skadden lawyer. Please be gentle with this information. Please be gentle with me. I’m not quite ready to break up with the law entirely yet.

This year, I have two books coming out with Wyatt-MacKenzie Publishing that will make that message even more clear. Or confusing. Depending on how you look at it.


How To Leave The Law, is a non-fiction book co-authored with a friend of mine, Liz Brown, a Harvard Law grad-turned-Law-Partner-turned-Professor and will help aspiring and current lawyers learn how to turn their law degrees into tools for good.

In Her Defense, releasing May 3, 2022, is my first legal drama - residing at the intersection of courtroom drama and psychological suspense. It’s the first of a new series called the Riversedge Law Club Series, in which each book will have an unlikely heroine exposing the corruption and back door politics of her small town outside Manhattan (and Manhattan law culture itself).

It seems that more than a decade after I left the law, I’m not quite ready to break up with the law entirely. And maybe I never will be. But the law and my slow going transition from the law have both provided inspiration for storytelling and from that place, I finally can say to my earliest mentors: Don’t worry. I’m happy here.

What about you, Jungle Red Writers? Do you have a story of breaking up - with a job, a lover, or a best friend - that ended up inspiring you creatively in some way? Please share!


HANK: Oh, what a good question! (And I have certainly done that. Several long and eventually wonderful stories. But we’d rather hear yours!) And remember--a copy of IN HER DEFENSE to one lucky commenter!


Amy Impellizzeri is a reformed corporate litigator, former start-up executive, and award-winning author of fiction and non-fiction. Amy’s upcoming novel, IN HER DEFENSE ("a brilliantly crafted and fascinatingly insightful morality tale" - Hank Phillippi Ryan, USA Today Bestselling Author) releases May 3, 2022. She is a Tall Poppy Writer, past President of the Women’s Fiction Writer’s Association, a faculty member in Drexel University’s MFA in Creative Writing Program, and a frequently invited speaker at legal conferences and writing workshops. Connect with Amy at www.amyimpellizzeri.com.




About IN HER DEFENSE


Ingrid DiLaurio lives in Riversedge, New York, four express train stops from Manhattan. Don't be fooled: With its tree-lined Main Street, and quaint ambiance, Riversedge is only impersonating a small town. While it's a place small enough for everyone to know each other's secrets, few do. The town revolves around the prestigious Riversedge Law Club, where deals are made and cases are resolved and where Ingrid DiLaurio -- a former lawyer turned nationally recognized podcast host - has never once been made to feel welcome.

When Ingrid's husband, Peter, is found dead, and Ingrid's former friend, Opal, is arrested as the prime suspect, the press quickly seizes on Opal's past as a single mom and stripper. Ingrid's first priority is protecting herself and her son, Drake, along with her business, from salacious gossip. But when Opal finds herself in desperate need of a defense lawyer, she tells Ingrid she wants to call in a "favor," and Ingrid reluctantly returns to the law for one last case.

As the trial unfolds, Ingrid realizes quickly that she has taken on more than she bargained for, including Opal's dark past, a corrupt judge, a blackmailing prosecutor, another dead body, and a black tinted car that follows her everywhere. In the end, it's clear that both women know more than they are letting on about Peter's death, but who will tell the truth first?

And is the truth what anyone really wants to hear?

 

 

107 comments:

  1. Congratulations on your new books, Amy . . . .

    Happily, I have no breaking up stories . . . I think there’s always a bit of sadness when something turns out not to be quite what you’d expected it to be, but I’ve been very lucky in my career where teaching first graders was every bit as wonderful as I thought it would be . . .

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  2. I'm so glad to hear you've landed where you want to be, Amy. Question: when did you finally take your degrees off the wall of your Skadden office?

    I broke up with a perfectly good career as a software technical writer to stay home and write fiction full-time. My 27th history comes out next month!

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    1. That should read MYSTERY, not history! (Autocorrect before coffee...)

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    2. Congrats to you!! I cleaned out my office about a year after I left for my sabbatical. A bittersweet moment indeed!

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  3. Congratulations on a successful transition. Have you removed those degrees yet? Sounds like it might be time to consider it.

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    1. Well, I look at them as a celebration. Like a photo album. x

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    2. Yes! I agree! And I do cherish them as mile markers from a road that’s had some twists and turns.

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  4. Congratulations on your transition! I am looking forward to reading In Her Defense.

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  5. Amy, 10 years in a highpower job! That's the kind of chunks my careers have come in, too - and when I've had enough I've moved on. That's the hard art and you did it! I credit having a stable, contented, supportive salary-earning partner (same job 42 years) for giving me the ballast to even consider quitting and starting over. And like you I always do it in stages... one foot on the dock while the other in the new boat.

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    1. What a great metaphor! Yes, I often counsel would-be transitioning professionals to try out something else on the side!

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  6. Amy, you have good company. Julia Spencer-Fleming, and Leslie Budewitz, both lawyers-turned-mystery authors.

    In Her Defense sounds delicious! And so are the Louboutins on the cover. Power shoes!

    The constant harassment, sexual and otherwise, led me to step off my professional path of insurance/investment counselor and turn to the creative world of sewing. I used my business experience to help others succeed in sewing careers. An area where so many former teachers and nurses had also turned. (And who usually needed the most business help.)

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    1. How awful to have to deal with that. Insane. And it's so empowering that you turned you back on it an forged ahead on. your own path!

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    2. Oh my goodness! That is amazing. How generous of you!

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  7. Amy, welcome to JRW and congratulations on both books. I am going to look for How To Leave The Law. I have someone in mind who can use that advice.

    I've left several careers and there is some satisfaction when really cutting the cord. The fact that you suffered sexual harassment and advances at Skadden is not surprising but it should be. There was some of that even when I was an elementary school special ed teacher. But that was 48 years ago. Aren't corporations more careful, more concerned about that now? I am retired now and very busy, but the pandemic has put this type of "busy" into perspective.

    Stay safe everyone. It's snowing and blowing here!

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    1. You'd think so, right? But as we all know...ANd yes, it's pouring down snow here!

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    2. Thank you!
      I find the legal world is still woefully backward on many issues. There is still corruption and sexual harassment and frankly the new series will shine a spotlight on those issues long kept in the dark in the legal world …

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  8. Welcome Amy! I left a career as a clinical psychologist, but it's stayed with me and been useful in so many ways, including writing. My poor dad was distraught however about me throwing away all that education:). Looking forward to your novel!

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    1. Oh, gosh, it is NEVER thrown away! (as you know.) It's one of the ingredients that made you such a successful writer!

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    2. Never wasted! I always say - I didn’t leave the law or my legal training behind - I brought it all with me!

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  9. Welcome Amy! Nice premise. Congratulations for doing what makes you happy. Can you still practice law?

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    1. Oh, good question! (hope it is not too snowy there!)

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    2. Yes! I could!
      But …. No … I won’t! 😜
      Well, never say never …..

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  10. AMY: Good for you for taking that first sabbatical and see what you could do!

    As for me, I got a big shock when all the staff in our climate change research division got a lay-off notice due to "lack of work" in 2013. We were lauded a few years before that for co-winning the Nobel Peace Prize with the other UN IPCC scientists. Our former Prime Minister hailed from oil sands territory and was sending us a clear message.

    So I had to move my career in another direction and transitioned to working for the national water monitoring operations in Ottawa. Fortunately, the director and manager there also had climate change research experience and I was able to do some work on implementing climate change into policies and programs instead of doing new research. It all worked out for me in the end.

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    1. No more work in climate change! AHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

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    2. Fortunately for Canada, that former Prime Minister was voted out of his job a few years later...

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    3. AMANDA: True, but unfortunately, the "lack of work" reason used by that PM meant that the Federal Public Service could not resume any climate change research (or hiring) for 5 years (2013-2018). There's partly why my "older" climate change publications are still being cited in current journal articles.

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    4. Wow, GRACE: I didn't realize how long-lasting the impact of such a ministerial order could be. Alarming to say the least!

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    5. Wow. Just wow. Thank you for sharing your story. What a poetic example of transition. I hope the new position is incredibly rewarding!

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  11. Congratulations on your latest release!

    I bailed from interior design sales management during the 2008 recession (no new houses, no need for window treatments) and started writing fiction initially about decorating, and then detoured into home renovation fiction. I also published my first non-fiction gardening essay in Texas Gardners Magazine this month.

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    1. Yes! What a great pivot. The 2008 recession led to my firm offering the sabbatical so that timeline makes perfect sense. But you were brilliant to channel your experience into your writing!

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  12. Your book sounds wonderful, Amy, and I look forward to reading it. I'm reminded of a breakup story from many, many years ago. I was in tenth grade and he had gone off to college and I realized he liked me a lot more than I liked him. I was really too young but I know I hurt him badly. Which didn't mean much of anything to me until the last few years when I discovered he had died. He had lived in another state and was married with children and grandchildren. I hadn't kept up with him in any way but I felt sad because I realized he had been one of the nicest boys I ever knew. It wasn't that I wished things had turned out differently for me; I was sad for him that he had died at such a relatively young age.

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    1. Oh! Thank you for sharing. Our journeys overlap with so many along the way - yes? But we are affected by them in ways we can’t even realize at the time.

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  13. Your book sounds unique and intriguing. Breakups are always filled with regret and relief. A tyrant of a boss who was impossible made me reassess my life and the direction. I changed careers and went back to school and never missed what was behind me.

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    1. HA! I know the feeling..and good for you for taking control!

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    2. Yes! That’s the kind of inspirational transition that inspires me!

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  14. Congratulations on your new release. Breakups improve your life. In my case a so called friend whose selfishness and inconsiderate attitude had grated on me for years. Nothing but misery and kvetching as well as dumping me when I was seriously ill. Better off now and happier.

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    1. So true. But friend breakups can be the most difficult in my experience. Fraught with complicated emotions that we can only sort through with hindsight. You’ve clearly done that successfully - kudos!

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  15. Oh, of course I have gone through career changes--and EVERY one, happy or difficult, has turned out for the best. Amy, you will always have the joy and the success of being a lawyer. You did it, you win. I always say: DECLARE VICTORY! And then move on.

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    1. Thank you! I do believe in the journey and the process - but in the moment it can be HARD to remember.

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  16. Careers have left me for a variety of reasons. I've been in my current position for almost 20 years and have been wondering about next big step. I'm a few years away from retirement. It's looming just over there. Will I be able to survive without a steady paycheck, did I plan well enough? Will I know what to do with 24 hours a day, for me and only me? I'll let you know in a couple of years.

    Congratulations on your new books, Amy. I didn't recognize the shoes, Hank. Had no idea what the big deal was until Karen mentioned the brand. Just thought they were nice black pumps with red soles. :)

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    1. It will be FINE! It will be fabulous! One step at a time...x

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    2. I’m with Hank! One step at a time … plus - good news! You don’t have to have all the answers now!

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  17. Jobs, work and identity all go hand in hand in hand. Leaving one and embarking on the path towards another is challenging and, in my experience, worth the effort.

    Now that I have retired from full-time work (and the job title of 'instructor'), I'm enjoying learning who I am as a writer, community educator and collage artist.

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  18. It can be hard letting go of that sense of identity. I was an engineer, who long wanted to be an engineer (I clearly remember drawing floor plans in 4th grade, and even earlier my go to crayon pictures involved two hills joined with a bridge). The first third of my career was as an engineer, but then I moved over to the financial side of funding an infrastructure program and have been on the finance side for 20+ years. But when traveling and filling in immigration forms, I still say I am an engineer.

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    1. I so understand that.. what you DO isn't who you are.

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    2. Interesting how we hold onto pieces of our identify this way, yes? There’s a shorthand too. I still say I’m a lawyer when it makes sense as well.

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  19. _How to Leave the Law_ should become a standard classroom text not only for lawyers but for their staff. Congratulations on overcoming and being able to write about it.

    I spent 8 years working for Citicorp Real Estate in Denver. I think of it as my time swimming with the sharks. That experience taught me tons about finance, financial regulation and real estate law. It taught me about hierarchies and authority. It taught me about the glass ceiling, sexual harassments and the power that corporations assume they hold over their employees. They paid me relatively well, so I could afford to leave them when I was ready. Leaving wasn't an existential crisis, it was a celebration. They celebrated too -- with a male stripper, of course. Still, it was a formative learning experience and I'm glad that I had it. You never know when it will come in handy. All that business experience, accounting and finance were helpful when I started a bridge club 30 years later.

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    1. A male stripper?? Oh, dear, you were well out of there... But yes, the experience! And I laughed out loud at the bridge. xx

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    2. Love this! I’m laughing and celebrating right along with you. As for making my book required text - big high five to that one!! 🙌

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  20. Yes to Neil Sedaka, yes to this wonderful sounding book! This one really sounds interesting.

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    1. Don't take your love away from meeeeee ...

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    2. Thank you! We’ve all been singing Neil today, right? 😂

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  21. Congratulations on your new books! I have never had to do that, but I surely would if I had had to. Have a great weekend and stay safe. aliciabhaney(at)sbcglobal(dot)net

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  22. Congratulations on both your books, Amy! What a journey you've had.

    And a big shout out to Hank for her Agatha nomination for Her Perfect Life!!

    And to our legacy Red Jan Brogan for her nomination for The Combat Zone!!

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  23. As the evil Queen says.. "I want this!" print faster Barnes and Noble. print faster.
    It was hard to leave my identity as a librarian behind. So much of Coralee was tied up in being a 'literate searching helper' that the general public didn't use... -- sound like a bit of burn out there. So I went to grad school and became a compassionate mental health counselor -- that the general public still did not use - a trend emerges. Now I am working on a. become ordained b. become a published writer. There I said it here for the first time. Luckily late in the day when no one is around..

    Finally Amy, you are my inspiration for the day. molto grazie

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    1. I am here, Coralee, late in the day: And I see you!

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    2. We are ALL here! And we are all applauding!

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    3. WE ARE HERE. We hear you and I’m so happy you said it out loud. When I said my publication dream out loud for the first time / it was empowering! I hope you feel the same!

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  24. Amy,book sounds terrific! I had to quit a once-great job after several years as asst./aka sect'y to a V.P. of a resort area on a lake outside of Austin. My boss was very nice, but the company itself became too restrictive and stressful, with all my multi-tasking and it was taking a toll on my marriage and sanity. No regrets, and I still keep in touch with some of the friends I made there, all those years ago! (Funny thing was, one by one we all walked out, and a few months later the building was destroyed by a fire!) BTW, one of my brothers worked as a lawyer for 12 yrs. at Jones Day, before they downsized right before Covid! He's at another firm in Dallas, so I hear all his woes!

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    1. Yikes, that is chilling. (and not a bad plot, hmmmm) Sounds like you made the right decision. And at the right time too. xx

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    2. Thanks, Hank! If you ever use that true story,(before I do, LOL) I hope you give me credit! Oh, 2 days after I left (without plaque on the wall of my ofc. for winning Employee of the Year, and a pretty vase with an artificial rose, given by a resort-home resident and personal elderly friend, he helped my co-worker pal in Accounting to box up my stuff and delivered it to our home! Also, same day my pal Michelle told her boss, the Comptroller, "You know what Lynn did the other day....well I'm quitting too! Bye-bye!"

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    3. Oh my goodness! What a story. What a transition. 12 years at Jones Day is something else. I hope he’s happy at the new firm!

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    4. LYNN! You are the winner! Message me at hryan@whdh.com!

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  25. So there IS life after the law? I am always happy to see someone who has made the transition.

    I left litigation after my first decade as a lawyer. I do transactional law-- negotiating and drafting book contracts and the like. There is little drama in that-- for which I am grateful. I had lunch (yes, LUNCH! In a real restaurant, albeit located in the lofty lobby of a local hotel, with high ceilings and broad spaces between tables) with an old friend who left the law for catering weddings and funerals. She has, of course, kept her license, attends CLE lectures, pays her bar dues. I am finally grandfathered (grandmothered?) out of the CLE requirements, but of course, I still keep up so I can keep on negotiating.... Well, what can I say? The law never really leaves you.

    The novel sounds intriguing. I look forward to reading it, and passing the word among the other emeritae out here.

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    1. PS that lunch was YESTERDAY-- amid subfreezing temps and, yes, omicron. A REAL lunch. Someimes ya just gotta.

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    2. Yes, the law never leaves you--but you can leave the law! Lunch OUT? Whoa.

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    3. THANK YOU, Ellen! Please do keep in touch … I’ll have some advance copies of How To Leave the Law soon!

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  26. What a fabulous personal journey, Amy. Thank you for sharing it. I do believe there is more depression attached to giving up an "identity" than people realize. I was a adrift a bit when I left the library world. Thankfully, writing is wonderfully time consuming and you can't dwell. LOVE the cover of the book and can't to jump into a new legal thriller series. Yay!

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    1. Yes, you are so right...your job becomes who you are. (how well I know, too!)

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    2. So true. I always say the identify and financial issues are both so compelling!

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  27. Congratulations on your first legal thriller! Hopefully many more to come as I love legal dramas.
    I left my first ‘real’ after college job after 5 years because I was miserable. (I had knots in my stomach most days). I enjoy my job now and am glad I made the change. Sheri Steuben

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  28. Congratulations on your new endeavors! You book sounds like my kind of book! I love psychological thrillers and then add the law…sounds like a winner! I look forward to reading/reviewing this one! I am glad you got out of the law…for your well being and also I get to read another fabulous book!! Did you know your ending before you wrote it or did it develop as the story took off? My best to and your new endeavors!! I look forward to reading your book!
    Lisa Wetzel

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    1. Thank you! Great question: I always have to figure out the end close to the beginning of the process or I flounder for too long. This ending needed finessing as I wrote - but still … I knew generally how it would end!

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  29. Oh! And also - please do keep in touch .. I would love your review 🙌

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  30. One more thing! I’m glad I got out of the law too! 😂

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  31. I am an avid reader and I ❤️ Legal and domestic thrillers/suspense. My life changing moment was when I got a divorce. I left my parents home to marry a fellow that I thought was a wise choice. Ten years later, his true colors surfaced and my baby and I were back in my parents home. This was the first time I was in charge of my life. I married again after 4 years and this time, the choice was the right one. I’ve been married 49 years.

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  32. Congrats Amy on your new novel, can't wait to read it! Glad everything worked out for you.

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  33. Amy you know how inspiring you are to me

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  34. I left my job due to disability, and heard so many people say, "What will you do with your days? I would be so bored if I were at home!" I suspected that some of them were saying that because they had no possibility of staying at home--I would never have left my job had it not been for the autoimmune disease that made work impossible. But I also knew that I would never be bored. Who could be bored when there were so many books in the world, and a dog at home? What I did not know is that I would discover quilting, and would come to define myself as a quilter. That has become my creative outlet, my vehicle for expressing love to the people in my life, and an excellent way to pass the time when I am too tired to be actively anything else--quilters can always think about quilts, read about quilts, plan the next quilt...

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    1. Beth! You are an inspiration. Thank you for this! xx

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    2. And lots of quilters around here, Beth! SO eager to introduce you. And wonderful to see you today. xxx

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  35. Like you, I left my career unexpectedly. I had always dreamed of being a school teacher, but one year I had a devastating miscarriage right before the start of a school year. I took some time off to heal, physically and emotionally, and spend more time with my toddler daughter. I took a part-time job at a local bookstore, working nights and weekends. Two decades later, my career has flourished. I combined my background in education and bookstore management, and I am now the Chief Operating Officer for an educational nonprofit retailer. In my early 40’s I went back to school and graduated with a Master’s Degree in Nonprofit Leadership. It’s amazing how you can take those work and life experiences - both the good and the bad - to shape you down the road. I can’t wait to get my hands on your newest novel (that book cover!!), and I have a feeling How to Leave the Law will have advice that translates to transitioning from any career. Congratulations to you on your TWO upcoming publications!

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    1. Megan. You make me cry. You are an inspiration, and a beacon of hope and I am giving you a standing ovation.

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  36. LYNN in Texas! You are the winner! Message me at hryan@whdh.com!

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