Thursday, January 13, 2022

What We're Writing: Lucy's Figuring Things Out @Lucyburdette

 


LUCY BURDETTE: I’m slowly inching my way into Key West food critic #13, fondly known as the Scone Sisters mystery. I remember telling you last time writing week came around that my two Scottish ladies have arrived in Key West to help judge a contest seeking the next host for the American edition of the British Baking show. Since I don’t outline in advance in detail (as our ever-so-smart and prolific Jenn does,) I seem to have to learn this lesson over and over: I may have a wonderful concept, but when I sit down to write it, a million questions have been left unanswered. Things such as who is the killer? Why are they driven to murder? Who are the other reasonable suspects? Why are all these old ladies involved in police business? This is my process at this time—write some words, figure some things out. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.


I’ve bumped up against another issue that I hoped you might find interesting. One of things that can stop me from reading a new book is if too many characters are introduced and I can’t tell them apart. In this new Key West book, how do I differentiate between the two sisters so that readers get to know them separately and individually? They appeared in A SCONE OF CONTENTION as a pair and they’ve never been on the page separately, so I don’t know them well as individuals. (Some might say this would be a good time for a writer to write up a several page bio on each…) Since that’s not likely, after the first draft is hammered out, I’ll have to focus on what makes them different from each other—the way they speak, or look, or their body language, for example.


This snippet is from the draft of Chapter Four. Hayley Snow has ferried Violet and Bettina and all their baking equipment and Miss Gloria to Williams Hall, where the contest is about to begin…


The real Martha Hubbard in her kitchen with Lucy



“How many contestants have you signed up?” asked Bettina.

“We started with six,” said Martha. “Several of them have backed out as the process continued so I’m afraid we’re down to three. I suppose it all sounds exciting to our home bakers to appear on television with the Scone Sisters, but the reality of competing over a week is a little harder. One woman couldn’t get the time off from her job. Another turned up with a recipe that was clearly lifted Word for Word from Cooks Illustrated, and the third was not sure that her husband would allow her to appear on camera.”

“Really?” Bettina had her hands parked on her hips. “I hope you urged her to leave that arse!” She clapped a hand over her mouth. “I shouldn’t say that in good company, should I?”

Martha grimaced. “I tried. She was really gifted too, and I told her she deserved a wide audience for her confections. When I phoned her to say she’d made the cut, she said she’d decided cooking and baking for her husband was reward enough. She waffled a bit, so who knows—she might show at the last minute.”

While we were busy unpacking the equipment and placing it on the counters where Martha suggested, the lights and camera crew arrived and began to set up. I felt a little bit nervous even watching how professional it all looked. But the Scottish ladies were taking it in stride.

“Don’t you get rattled in front of a crowd and these cameras?” Miss Gloria asked, leaning her elbows on the end of the counter as several bright lights were switched on.

“I was going to ask the same thing,” I said, and winked at Miss Gloria. “Comes from several years of living together I suppose, great minds and all that.”

“We were slightly bothered at the beginning,” said Violet. “But everyone kept telling us we were naturals, so after a bit we started to believe it.”

“All you have to do really is pay attention to what you’re doing—and we do know these recipes like old friends. Plus, ham it up a bit. We love giving our opinions about baking, and we love meeting the amateurs and showing them the ropes.” Bettina grinned. “Our motto is to be truthful but kind. They are the ones who are nervous as cats, and we’re so busy calming them down and trying to set the poor souls at ease that we forget about ourselves.”

“Besides, we are old ladies now,” Violet added. “What’s the worst can happen? Our lipstick smears or our hair is mussed? We don’t worry one bit about how we look in the camera.” She puffed up her gray hair and pooched her lips, now layered with glossy pink. 

Even the sternest cameraman laughed. “Can we get a run-through please with the sisters?” he asked Martha.

The ladies moved behind the expanse of white counter and began to lay out their ingredients. As they launched into describing their preparations for their prize-winning cinnamon scones, I saw my mother and Sam come in from the back entrance. I waved them over.

“They’re completely adorable,” my mother whispered when they drew close. 

“They are too cute in real time,” I whispered back, “but don’t they light up the room when they’re in front of a camera?”

I watched as they smiled cheerfully into the camera, bantering with each other as they measured the flour, baking soda, salt, and sugar and then grated frozen sticks of butter into the dry ingredients. 

“The cold butter is absolutely the secret.” Violet held a finger up to her lips. “We are sharing it here with you but please don’t pass it on.”

Bettina laughed, though she’d surely have heard her sister say that line many times. “Actually, we’d love it if you share it because we want everyone’s scones to succeed wildly. My sister thinks it’s the temperature of the butter, while I believe it’s the quality of the cinnamon. We did bring ours from the UK,”—she held up a small glass bottle—"but you can find good cinnamon lots of places in your country. Don’t settle for something that has been at the back of your cupboard for years. Don’t take a chance on a store brand either. You want your flavor to pop!” She clapped her hands together and mimicked the sound of a pop by smacking her lips.

The two of them stirred the grated butter into the dry ingredients, added a bit of milk and kneaded the dough lickety-split into a nice circle.

“Another secret,” Violet said, facing her sister again, “is not to overwork the dough. Nobody will mind one bit if it looks a little lopsided as long as the scones or biscuits rise high and taste flaky and delicious. Which they will if you keep that light hand, and remember your butter must be good quality, too. We of course prefer Scottish or Irish butter but do use whatever best quality you have here. Organic, unsalted, if you can.”

“She’s right for once,” Bettina added. She clapped the flour from her hands. “If you overwork the dough, you will produce curling stones instead of fluffy scones.” 

They began to laugh hysterically at their own joke.


Lucy here again. I would love to hear your thoughts about characters you remember as distinct, and what stood out about them?


Also, on another subject, for those of you who’ve read UNSAFE HAVEN, I would be very grateful if you’d leave a short review—wherever you talk books. Thank you! 

60 comments:

  1. Oh, thank you, Lucy . . . this excerpt is so much fun. I love Violet and Bettina and I’m really looking forward to seeing how the contest comes out . . . .

    I think characters stand out when the reader sees something in them that they can relate to, perhaps some trait(s) that helps them see the character in their mind’s eye or something that strengthens the character’s believability . . . .

    ReplyDelete
  2. This sounds fun.

    Is there any way you can gets the sisters alone, just for a scene or two each? That will make it so much easier to keep them apart in my mind. Otherwise, I'm going to have trouble each time I pick up the book. But maybe that's just me.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's a good plan, to see them by themselves. So far they've been traveling in a little pack of two...

      Delete
    2. Good idea, Mark. When characters like these sisters get to appear separately, they become individuals.

      Delete
  3. That's a very fun scene, but I don't find them distinct in it. Here are some unsolicited ideas: Maybe Violet has a purple rinse in her hair and Bettina uses more Scottish phrases in her speech? Is one plump and one lean (like me and my two older sisters, in that order...)? I don't remember from the first time we saw them.

    Also, I wondered if they are making two different batches of scones. It's hard for two people to stir one bowl and knead one lump of dough unless they take turns. Is that what they are doing?

    Am off to leave that review - thanks for the reminder!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. thanks Edith! This is why they call it an ugly first draft:)

      Delete
    2. I thought the same things about the scones!

      Delete
  4. LUCY: Thanks for sharing that baking scene with Bettina and Violet.
    Love that line “If you overwork the dough, you will produce curling stones instead of fluffy scones.”

    Like Edith, I don't find much in that scene to tell them apart. The sisters are like 2 peas in a pod, working in sync as their prepare the scone dough.

    From a few sentences in the scene, it could be that Bettina is a bit more of a pottymouth and Violet is more of a flirt?

    Sibling characters that are distinct include the three sisters in Alan Bradley's Flavia de Luce books. Of course, Flavia is memorable as the precocious 11-year old chemistry genius in the family. Flavia's older sisters Ophelia and Daphne team up to tease/torment her with pranks and insults and nicknames. They also look different, Flavia with her hair in two pigtails.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. If they were 'two peas in a pod' on purpose, that might add to confusion in the plot--one sister mistaken for the other. One knows/sees something, the other one targeted.

      Delete
  5. I've read UNSAFE HAVEN.

    The last paragraph of my Goodreads review is as follows: "In the end, the action in UNSAFE HAVEN explodes in ways the characters never could've imagined. Readers will have to see for themselves where the dust will settle but I think they will quite enjoy the thrill ride that Lucy Burdette has provided for them.

    Here's the link to my full review - https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/4398575802

    ReplyDelete
  6. Hi Lucy. I'm so excited about this book! My thought is different. How important is it for the sisters to become individuals to the readers? So far, we met them as a pair and that really worked well in Scone of Contention. Does the story need for them to be individuals?

    In Deb's first book, there is a pair of sisters who are so distinct from one another that there is no mistaking them. The developing story depends on that. There is a big difference between those types of characters and your "Scone sisters."

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I love that thought. And the beauty of the first draft is I have lots of time to figure it out...

      Delete
  7. Lucy, you may not be able to retire Bettina and Violet after this outing. They're divine. Character who stands out as distinct? Miss Gloria! Especially because she's a foil for Hayley.

    ReplyDelete
  8. It doesn’t seem to matter to me that Violet and Bettina are lumped together as almost one character. I wonder if it’s important to separate them. Are they going to be singled out in the plot line? I agree with some of the other comments that injecting some physical characteristics would set them apart for the reader.

    I bought UNSAFE HAVEN as a Kindle book and I’m holding my Kindle content TBR once I arrive in Key West on January 29th. Review to follow!

    ReplyDelete
  9. I'm thinking these sisters are not identical twins, are they? Perhaps one is noticeably taller, or their hair color is distinctly different. You have said that one at least has gray hair. Mybe the other one has obviously red-dyed hair. And their clothing choices could be quite different: one always wears tartans, the other dainty floral prints. But unless we are seeing them each time, I don't know how the reader can tell them apart. Bettina can be quite foul-mouthed but how can you do that without the actual words yourself? So, one is flamboyant, the other one not so much.

    I just don't know, Lucy, but I do know you will figure it out beautifully.

    ReplyDelete
  10. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  11. You really have me thinking about this, Lucy. Almost anything you do will feel, possibly, contrived — or like you are trying to make them be different. But as someone said above, maybe there charm is that they are so similar. I might change one of their names to be more unique– – so when you see it on the page it instantly looks different. like VeeVee. Or something, just so it stands out.

    But I think this is a battle you may not have to fight – – they are the scone sisters, a unit. Unless one of them turns out to be bad, which I hope they don’t :-), I sort of like that they are scone one and scone two? . Maybe they call each other that? Maybe they talk about how no one can tell them apart? Maybe that’s a wonderful red herring, since it won’t be a problem in the story? Maybe it will have readers thinking oh Ho! Someone is going to mix them up. But then they don’t.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Love the excerpt, Lucy/Roberta, and now I want to know what happens.

    How often do sisters really look alike and act alike? Hardly any of the ones I know are and do. My sister and I could not be more different in so many ways, and always were. My own three daughters resemble me, but not so much each other, which is interesting. They are physically very different, too, with build, eye color, hair color, and characteristics so completely unlike.

    You've gotten some excellent suggestions on how to differentiate the Scone Sisters. Can't wait to see how this turns out.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I agree with Karen. I have three sisters. The four of us are totally different from each other. Two of us sort of resemble each other, but have completely different personalities. Three of us share some common interests, and also tend to be introverts. The youngest was outgoing, and a social butterfly! I think that people who knew all of us would never confuse us with each other. While the Scone sisters have much in common, I would like to see personality traits that set them apart from each other. By the way, I think it’s great that their names are totally different from each other! I always find it confusing when I meet sisters with names that begin with the same letter of the alphabet, for example, or that can almost sound alike, such as Sandy snd Cindy.

      I’m anxiously awaiting this new book!

      DebRo

      Delete
    2. thanks Deb and Karen for comments about sisters. My older sister Susan and I look quite a bit alike--people do a double-take when we're together and make comments about how we MUST be sisters. And we're close, as Violet and Bettina are. So I need to push a little past that to see what's different underneath...

      Delete
  13. If they're alike in the beginning you can really make it dramatic a moment later when they disagree... maybe one of them knows something the other doesn't... it leaves one of them momentarily unmoored. Good for dramatic tension. I don't think they have to start out as contrasts.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's kind of too late anyway because they are who they are in Scone. But I like the idea of the disagreement!!

      Delete
  14. Lucy, my chrome browser on either of my laptops refuses to load the blog. I am dictating this on my phone. But I wanted to be sure you knew there's a problem out there somewhere! It's been for several hours.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. My computer won't load it, either. Not Chrome, but whatever, it won't open.

      Delete
    2. Also on my phone today. No problem loading JRW on it, just on the computer.

      Delete
    3. Same problem here on my laptop. Loads ok on my android tablet.

      Delete
    4. I thought it was just me! I had to switch to Firefox.

      Delete
  15. You've gotten some great suggestions. I do agree with Hank, though. You may not have to fight the battle. The sisters are a unit, and their nuances will become clear over the course of the book. You have given each of them a bit of business with their dialogue. That works well, and in the setting of this snippet, they are expected to be a unit.

    ReplyDelete
  16. I just have to say, the fact they ping pong back and forth and laugh at their own jokes makes them stand out wonderfully - as a unit. Think of all those TV shows where you never learn the heroine's two friends names, but you love it whenever they're on the screen anyway!

    ReplyDelete
  17. I loved Anne George's Southern Sisters mysteries. The sisters were physically different and so were their personalities. They called each other by nicknames; the quiet one was labeled Mouse by her outgoing big sister. One was married multiple times, the other once. They both had long memories and would bring up embarassing things that had happened, as in "don't drive too fast, you know what happened the time you took that turn too fast and hit a mailbox" advice. So far we've seen the Scone Sisters as a unit which is natural. But it would be nice for them to have some alone time to revert to their natural sister selves. Loved the excerpt!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. thanks Pat. I haven't read any of that series, though I've always heard good things about it. I feel like you all are helping me feel comfortable splitting them a little later in the book. Since once of them is a grieving mother, that in itself makes her different from her sister.

      Delete
    2. That is a wonderful series! I strongly encourage you to read it sometime, Lucy, just because it is so delightful. And they are light and humorous quick reads, so a very realistic choice for sometime when you just want a brief break!

      Delete
  18. I guess the question is whether you WANT them to be different. If so, Edith has ancouple{of good suggestions. Physical appearance, speech patterns (one can use more Scottish phrases or even words like "arse"), little tics - lots of options!

    ReplyDelete
  19. Lucy, I think they are adorable as a unit, and I loved this scene. It was so vivid and I loved their ping-pong banter. Others have had lots of good suggestions for differentiating them, but I wouldn't lose that chemistry. And I think when you need one to stand out it will come naturally.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think you're right Debs--when the time comes, one of them may break out. thank you!! xox

      Delete
  20. I think they are delightful in this scene. I think the sameness works very well as long as they are in public settings. It is easy to believe that these sisters would subconsciously enjoy their shared identity, particularly since it has clearly gained them fame. But I think if you ever have scenes where they are alone with Hayley (or anyone else), you will find you have to differentiate them a bit. It seems to me they wouldn't feel real otherwise.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. They are enjoying their togetherness, Susan, that's exactly right. I will have to write more to see if Hayley spends time with them separately. I'm having an idea right now...better go write it down!

      Delete
  21. Having more than once mixed up students' identities, I can feel the dilemma here, while quite enjoying the sister act. Perhaps the answer will come when needed, in a scene in which someone has to clarify which sister did . . . whatever. Perhaps one is a bit "saltier" in her language, one is a bit more fit, more colorful in clothing choices? As they get to know more people, those individual traits will surface.
    I'm now thinking of a Vietnamese student who said of his twin, "We used to look alike when we were small, but not now." I let his statement stand, despite speculation in the teachers' lounge that one was taking the other's tests.
    BTW, I usually avoid preview scenes . . . can't stand the wait for the book. This was fun,though, and I thank you for sharing it.

    ReplyDelete
  22. Great scene, Lucy! I can't wait to read this entry into the Hayley series. I love that you are making senior citizen characters the life of the party. Of course, it all began with Miss Gloria, whom I can never get enough of. I do understand your dilemma in separating their identities, but I'm sure you will be able to solve that one.

    ReplyDelete
  23. Can only access JRW on my phone! Chic readers v heavy black framed bifocals for the sisters. Do they snipe at each other?

    ReplyDelete
  24. I think this is a delightful introduction to the sisters. I am so looking forward to reading more! Well done, Lucy.

    ReplyDelete
  25. Love your books, your characters are great. I can't wait for your next book.
    Anne George is exactly who I thought of when you talk of making the sisters stand out in their own way. Mary Daheim's cousins in the bed and breakfast series also.
    Opposites attract. 😊

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. thanks for that! I will definitely look up the Anne George books...

      Delete
  26. Loved the excerpt... will definitely look forward to the next in the series. A good example of differentiating older but young-at-heart sisters can be found in the Southern Ladies Mysteries by Miranda James (Dean James). The Ducote sisters form a united front, but they each have a distinct physical appearance and personality. And they're both quite sassy!

    ReplyDelete
  27. My laptop won't load, either. Mobile devices work but I hate typing on the screen.

    I can't really tell these characters apart. But maybe they are supposed to be two sides of the same coin. The same center with different but complementary veneers (like a Canadian loonie with QE II on one side and a loon on the other - all very Canadian) Maybe they dress very differently or are attracted to wildly different people, or are thick and thin or they have different voices and vernaculars but they finish one another's thoughts.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. thanks for the suggestions, and sorry about the Blogger issues!

      Delete