Monday, May 1, 2023

The Great Clean-up Debate

DEBORAH CROMBIE:I recently read an article proposing there are only two sides to the post-meal dishwashing debate–you are either a clean-as-you-go person or a throw-everything-in-the-sink-and-deal- with-it-later person. Period. Apparently, taking sides on this issue is a thing on the Internet--who knew?

I am definitely in the deal-with-it-later camp but my spouse cannot stand to see an unwashed dish in the sink even temporarily. He can't understand why I don't clean as I go, but I don't want to interrupt my flow, and I am also almost always in a hurry--especially on week nights when I've worked too late, so it's a time-management issue. I'm not going to stop in between steps to wash a pot or a pan. If there is a natural break in the cooking process, I will tidy what I can, but otherwise, forget it. In my defense, I'm an organized prepper, and a very organized cleaner-upper AFTER a meal–the kitchen will be spotless when I'm finished. There's a place for everything (kind of essential when you have glass-fronted cupboards...)




This split carries over to entertaining, too. Some hosts like to have everything spic-and-span before guests even arrive or they can't enjoy the meal. Others, like me, are happy to sit at the table with another glass of wine while the dishes have their own little party in the kitchen. I'll see the guests out the door, turn on some music, and get to it.


How about it, REDS? What's your side of the great divide? Or do you think there's a middle ground? Are there opposing camps in your house?


JENN McKINLAY: Hub cooks and I do cleanup. I am a "get to it when I feel like it" sort and he doesn’t mind, so we’re very compatible in our kitchen messes. When entertaining, we team up and tackle the cooking and the cleaning together so no one quits. LOL. 


RHYS BOWEN: When I cook I like to clean up as much as possible as I go along. Nothing depresses me more after we’ve had guests to dinner than all that washing up. Luckily John is good about doing the cleanup (even if he insists on pre-washing everything before it goes in the dishwasher.)

On the other hand, when he cooks he uses every pan, bowl, utensil in the house and I have to clean them up! So his cooking is a mixed blessing.


LUCY BURDETTE: Debs, I’m just like you. If I can, I clean as I go. Otherwise John is very good at the clean-up and rarely complains about the mess. If we’ve had a big dinner with company, I definitely stay and help him. And he’s a good chopper and jar-opener if my hands are cramping from writing!


HALLIE EPHRON: Jerry and I had it divided. I cooked, he washed up after… and if the dishes sat in the sink until morning, it was fine with me. We did however have many discussions about what constituted “Men’s work” and what constituted “Lady’s work.” Lawn mowing, barbecuing, garbage put-outing was considered manly. Grocery shopping and cooking was Lady’s. Neither of us wanted to vacuum so, to save our marriage, I do have a wonderful person who housecleans for us every other week. Diaper changing was shared, and I learned early on to ask, “Do you feel like changing it or shall I?” About half the time he’d let me do it.


JULIA SPENCER-FLEMING: I’m a “modified clean-as-you-go” person; I like to put ingredients back in the pantry or fridge as I go along, and I pop bowls and pans in the sink and run some water as they get dirty. I don’t actually wash dishes or sling them in the dishwasher until after the meal - and sometimes not until the end of the evening - but I do like to wipe down the counters asap.


I have to share a funny story about being TOO religious on cleaning right away. When we were young marrieds, Ross and I were invited to another young couple’s for dinner. They had a very stylish late eighties condo, converted from a former marine warehouse, with one very large space for the living room, dining room and kitchen. We had a lovely meal for four, with lots of great conversation. When we were finished, our host and hostess excused themselves, took everything to the kitchen, and proceeded to wash, dry and put away everything they had used making and serving the dinner. For, I do not kid you, forty minutes. Keep in mind, this was a large space, so while Ross and I could see the busy beavers, we were too far away to converse without shouting.


We talked about that for years. What were they thinking? At least it made us better hosts - when we had dinner guests, everything stayed in the (mercifully out of sight) kitchen until everyone had said “goodnight.”


DEBS: Julia, this was one of the scenarios I wondered about! There are many times when I'm glad that my kitchen is separate from the dining room (this old house....), but even if it weren't, I can't imagine getting up and tackling dishes while leaving guests sitting at the table.


Readers, are you in the clean-as-you-go camp when you cook, or the leave-it-till-later side? And what do you suppose our choices say about our overall personalities? I'm sure there are some deep psychological implications here!


58 comments:

  1. I’m a bit of both . . . if the opportunity presents itself, I’ll clean up as I go; generally, I always put water in the bowls and pans in the sink [and I always rinse everything before putting it in the dishwasher]. And the rest of the dishes get done after the meal, and always after the guests have gone.

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    1. If I've used a big pot or bowl, I'll put it in the sink then fill with hot, soapy water, adding items to soak as I work.

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  2. When I cook, I generally wash everything I can as I go. That way, at the end of the meal, except for clearing the table to relax further over coffee and maybe more wine, and definitely more conversation, there is hardly any wash-up to do after people leave. My husband has taken to doing the same thing. (We pretty much split house-related work.)

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  3. Since I have the smallest galley kitchen with little free counter space and no dishwasher, I clean up as I cook.

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  4. Is it allowed to be in both camps? I cook and Julie cleans up. But I also do quite a lot of cleanup as I go. It’s just as easy to put dirty dishes in the dishwasher as to leave them in the sink. That’s reserved for something that needs to be soaked.

    I put things away. Julie puts them on the island. After 27 years, I’m over myself. I either put it away or leave it and don’t bitch. It works for me.

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    1. I think the "don't bitch" part is an essential element any time you're lucky enough to have a partner to share chores with.

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  5. My kitchen is quite small with little counter space but a nice sized table against one wall. I HAVE TO do some cleaning before or even during. I think Joan's description of her process is very close to how I proceed, especially if we have guests. Everything I used for preparation is washed and put away. Thinking ahead, I leave space to do any last minute scooping or whipping.

    If it is a large enough group, with enough courses, some things need to go into the dishwasher while guests are still there. Irwin does not ever leave the guests during a dinner party and only helps with clean up from really big dinners. Not his fault! The kitchen is mine. Mine. Division of labor is stark.

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    1. Judy, I'm pretty possesive (um, controlling...) about my kitchen, too.

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  6. Our old house had an okay sized kitchen, but only 24" of counter space until I designed an addition. I got used to cleaning as I cooked, which has been a good habit since, because both that added kitchen and the one we have now are the entertaining spaces. Everyone ends up in the kitchen, where there is a big island with six seats. I put the cooktop in the island, so I always have company when I cook.

    Steve usually clears up after a big party or dinner, and he will also shred mountains of cheese or dice squash, or whatever needs done in the prep. He's taken over the dishes in the last couple years, too, which is nice. Like Julie, he leaves things out for me to put away. He can't remember where he got them, which I have never understood. Whatevs, right?

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    1. So funny, Karen. Rick can find the tiniest tool or screw in the garage because he has a place for everything, but he can't remember which drawers the kitchen things go in...

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    2. How is that possible? We lived in our old house more than 30 years, and he could never find anything, or remember where things went. Or at least that's what he said. Hmm.

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  7. Our kitchen is open to the eating area, so it's all up for view as we eat. I cook, Val cleans up, and guests can see it all. I'm good about cleaning up as I cook, but, like Deb, it's about time and timing -- if what's cooking can be left alone to do its thing for a bit, I'll gladly wash up as I go. What really matters is taste of the food, quality of conversation, and enjoyment of the social side of eating.

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  8. Definitely a clean as you go type!

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  9. I like to do my mise-en-place first. If possible I tidy as I go. If we’re entertaining I prefer to clear the table but stay for more conversation and wine. Clean-up can wait. I’m happy to have the kitchen as a separate room so I don’t have to look at what awaits. SuzettePC

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    1. I'm big on mise-en-place, too. It makes cooking so much more efficient and less stressful.

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  10. Hank Phillippi RyanMay 1, 2023 at 8:22 AM

    I am so behind, and missed you! Malice Domestic was incredible, and my plane was only delayed four hours coming home :-) so I am bleary from arriving at 1 AM. But still floating! Anyway. Cleaning up. We share making breakfast, except for weekends when I make it, Jonathan makes lunch. And I cook dinner. I am absolutely passionate about cleaning up as I go, I always think: what is the smallest footprint I can leave?
    And I put everything away as I cook , and wash most of the pans even, in a wild multitasking. Because we can see the kitchen from the sunroom, where we often eat, and I cannot stand to have dinner with messy dishes facing me in the kitchen. Whatever’s left, Jonathan does. He is an absolutely great dishwasher and kitchen cleaner… Much much better than I am.

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    1. Hank, we missed you! We can't wait to hear all about your fabulous weekend!

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  11. Hank Phillippi RyanMay 1, 2023 at 8:24 AM

    But oh, if we have guests, I still clean up as I go, when I cook, but then everything just gets stashed until the guests go home. Then we share the cleanup.

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  12. I like to mix it up, cleaning some stuff when I get a break in the prepping and cooking, but mostly I fall on the "stack it in the sink and deal with it later" camp. I am, however, happy to help any host or hostess deal with their own sink later, if they don't mind. Some of the best conversations come from rinsing pots and wiping down counters.

    I'm also a bit fan of one-pan/one bowl meals, so there's not nearly as much to deal with later. Can you tell I live alone?

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    1. Gigi, our niece's new boyfriend washed and scrubbed all the pots after I cooked a sit-down dinner for 24 for my father-in-law's 90th birthday. We sat around the kitchen island while he made my pots shine like never before, and we all decided he was a keeper. They've been married now for 18 years,

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    2. Gigi, I'll testify that you're a terrific kitchen helper!

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  13. I hate walking into a messy kitchen in the morning, so I mostly clean as I go--as cooking allows. I put ingredients away as I use them, also. Everything that can, goes directly into the dishwasher. Other things that need a bit of a soak can wait until after the meal. We were a household of 10 growing up--frequently more when cousins, friends, neighbor kids were added in--and no dishwasher except for my sisters and I and our mom--definitely a strict division of labor in those times. Mountains of dishes. Now, it's nice to be able to relax after a meal, with most everything already done.

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    1. You must have had great organizational skills in your family, Flora.

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  14. I clean up as I go--and after dinner I pile the dishes in the sink with water in them to be dealt with as soon after the event as possible. Since it's just me, I definitely don't want dishes waiting for me in the morning. Some of the family members who have lived with me (looking at you, beloved son) have left dishes in the sink overnight. I only really mind if said dishes are crusty and need to be scrubbed (a bowl used for yogurt with protein powder needs to be soaked right away).

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    1. I HATE to face dirty dishes in the morning. The only time I ever leave anything overnight is if something needs a serious soaking.

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  15. I'm like many of you. I'm usually too busy cooking to clean prep stuff while I cook, although I do put away the food and spices. I'm a big believer in soaking and rinsing anything that won't get washed right away. Hugh does most of the cleanup when I cook, although he's a fail at wiping down the counters, so I always breeze through afterward and do that. I swear the man does not SEE his own toast crumbs. But I've accepted that.

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    1. What is it with the guys and the countertop blindness? Ours are white, too, so I'm fanatic about wiping them down multiple times a day.

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  16. I can deal with a neat pile of pots, etc in the sink (I have a large one) all day or until it reaches the top, then add scalding hot water, wait a half hour to cool down and soak, and then wash them to let them dry on their own in the other sink. Dishes are loaded in the dishwasher as they become available and run when it is full or time to go to bed whichever comes first. If I am baking, I fill the sink with hot soapy water, and rinse/wash as I go along, as I find I often will need that item. When finished into the dishwasher they go.
    On the other hand, at a ‘do’, all pots are stacked on the counter or sink, and the table is cleared to the counter, and then after everyone is gone, I will clean the kitchen. Also, please take my word when I say, I will clear the table (by myself), thanks for offering, and don’t ever load my dishwasher!
    My father always said that there was nothing more annoying, and I suspect this had to do as much as bad hearing as with manners, then to be in the dining room supposedly enjoying dessert and afters, and having to listen to the dishwasher grinding. (He also would never let us stack the dishes at the table, and everyone had to be finished eating before you began to clear.)
    We have a party of 45 coming for 3 days in May. I am the cook/coordinator. Friday (turkey) and Saturday (lobster) will probably be paper plates with real cutlery, but Sunday’s Roast Beef dinner will be on real tablecloths and fine china. Proper thing. Tables will be cleared and the dishes stacked and stored in milk cartons. I can do the clean up for the rest of the week if necessary – after they are all gone and it is quiet and my nerves have returned to normal!
    Don’t even ask about my house cleaning…

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    1. Today's dishwashers are often so very quiet. Your father would approve!

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    2. Margo, 45 people! I am in awe! My meal planning (and prep) skills max out at about six people!

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  17. From Celia: I’d like to say that buying a dishwasher saved our marriage, 54 years and counting this month. I’m a clean when I can but priorities are how I cook and the food is the goal isn’t it. Age has changed things around here so I have had to loosen up a bit re my ‘helper’. I have reverted to the daily dishwasher run using the quick cycle when there’s not too much left on plates. But I have some of everyone’s choices in my kitchen habits. We also have a plaque which states - This is an equal opportunity kitchen - though I am the boss of it.

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    1. Celia, we would all happily be your prep helpers and cleaner-uppers!

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  18. After dinner, I put the leftovers away and the scientist deals with the dishes. When we have company, I stack everything out of dog reach and close the door to the kitchen.

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    1. Our dogs are not counter surfers, but we now have a cat who's discovered that she likes people food very much, so we've had to learn to cat-proof tempting things until we're ready to clean up!

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  19. As a number of you have said before me, I only clean up while cooking if there's a five-minute lull in the process. Otherwise, I leave every dish, pot and pan dirty until the end of the meal when my blessed husband, who never cooks but always cleans up, does all the dishes and even (after a dinner party) the do-by-hand wine glasses, no matter how late it is. My only job is to put the napkins and placemats in the hamper and wipe the table. I'll admit he doesn't wipe down the counters (you're not the only one with a husband that doesn't see messy countertops, Edith), But I do those in the morning. I can't tell you how grateful I am for this division of labor.

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  20. Living alone, I do just as I please, thank you very much! Ideally, I would clean as I go, but I find that life is seldom ideal. I do, however, always put an ingredient back immediately after use. Otherwise I am apt to forget whether or not I have used it.

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  21. I'm not sure if this makes me defy the "one side or the other" paradigm but...it depends.

    When it's a regular night dinner, I tend to throw it all in the sink for later (except if cooking is going to take a while, then I'll wash up). But for a big dinner, guests or holidays, I'm definitely clean as you go. Just saves hours in the kitchen later.

    But I don't think I'd abandon my guests for 40 minutes! Fortunately, the Cottage has an "open concept" living/dining area, so there are plenty of places for guests to congretate so we can talk as we work - either cooking or cleaning.

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    1. Even though we have a separate dining room, everyone always ends up in our kitchen. Fortunately, there's a lot of space!

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  22. Depends on what I cook or bake or microwave, Debs.

    Usually I clean up as I go. I do not want stains to have time to develop. LOL.

    If I make a big mess, I like to clean up right away.

    If it is just cereal and there is no spilling, then I can just put the bowl in the soapy water to soak.

    Diana

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    1. I'd say that overall, we're a pretty neat bunch.

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    2. Indeed, we are a pretty neat bunch!

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  23. Having once had a dishwasher run all night repeating the whole cycle
    in my own home and once having one in an adjacent apartment spew water all night, I NEVER EVER run a dish washer at bedtime. Other than that I like to find a clean kitchen in the morning. Elisabeth

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    1. What a horror story! But I do run the dishwasher at night--I set it for a two hour delay when I go to bed and love waking up to clean dishes. Only problem with this is that every once and while I forget and find a dishwasher full of smelly stuff in the morning. Grrr.

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  24. I was always a “do it later” sort of person, but in the last year or so, I’ve turned into a “do it now” sort of person. There are exceptions; if I’m really tired or if my back feels worse than usual, I might save it for the next day. If I’m eating something that involves a bowl and a dish, as soon as I’m done with one of them, I’ll wash the dish I was using. Please do not make the mistake of thinking I’m a neat, orderly person! I’m so far over on the other side of neat and orderly, but I’m working on trying to become tidy!

    DebRo

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  25. I take the modified approach Julia has. Put some ingredients up as I use them, bowls and spoons in the sink as I go. I may wait several hours (or the next day) before I actually clean up but no one's complaining.

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  26. We have a short wall along the back of our island so the counter doesn’t show from the dining area of our open concept house. We don’t have to see the dishes sitting there. I find that most of my guests help load the dishwasher after the meal anyway.

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  27. Is it a guy thing to leave used paper towels on the counter or just my husband's thing? Drives me nuts. What is so hard about pitching it into the trash?

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    1. My mother & I used to drive Daddy right up the wall leaving slightly damp and crumpled paper towels on the counter “just in case of a little spill.” So in my family not a “guy thing”. Elisabeth

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  28. I think one thing that's changed for us is that we don't host like we used to. Hub usually has a gig to get to on weekends so that makes it difficult but also if guests don't leave by 9, which they rarely do, I get irritated. How old am I???!!!

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    1. Jenn, this made me laugh! Honestly if I invite guests to dinner it's at 6 (sometimes even 5:30) and we've reached a mutual agreement that they will be out the door by 9.

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  29. I guess I'm in the combination group. After I chop and mix or whatever, I like to tidy that mess up, but sometimes I wait until the dish is put in the oven and then clean up all of that. I don't like to leave the preparation mess out until after we eat. Of course, pans or pots get a cursory clean-up if not involved in the down-to-dinner-minute. We eat and then husband cleans that up. When someone else is over, like our kids, we put the dinner dishes in the sink and spend the time with them, usually having cake and, thus, more dishes. I don't like going to bed with dishes in the sink

    My favorite way to prepare anything is to do all the cutting up and measuring ahead and fixing the dish later. I don't usually get this far ahead, but with fixing my chocolate cherry cake, I always have everything measured out and in little bowls before I start mixing. That way, I can clean up that mess and have it out of the way. I hate to be in a frenetic state of measuring as I go and having the cocoa powder or powdered sugar all over the place before I mix.

    Rhys, more and more I think John is my perfect mate. I, too, like to wash the dishes off before putting them in the dishwasher. Hahaha!

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    1. Mise-en-place, Kathy!
      And as for washing the dishes before putting them in the dishwasher, we had a dishwasher that didn't work properly for years, so pretty much had to do that. Now that we have a new very efficient dishwasher, I'm still trying to train myself to just scrape and load!

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    2. Yes, Debs. Mise-in-place. That's exactly how I like it, in cooking or other projects. My husband drives me crazy when he does a project, like repairing something. I swear, he makes at least two trips to get something he needs, after he's begun the work. If I'm going to clean, which isn't much these days, I want everything out that I'm going to use at the beginning. Oh, and I can hardly stand to have husband paint, as I know he won't have everything he needs. I doubt that I'll ever do much painting again, but when I painted inside or stripped wallpaper, I had anything I might need at the get-go.

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