JULIA SPENCER-FLEMING: I had my annual checkup with my NP recently, and discovered once again almost every physical change or symptom I experience is something "you can expect as you get older." (Did I mention my NP is literally young enough to be my son? Of course he is. Medical practitioners my age are frickin' retiring.)
Trouble with insomnia? "You can expect that as you get older." Bouts of vertigo when I lie down and get up? "You can expect that as you get older."Acid indigestion? "You can expect that as you get older." I expect if I told him I was growing a second head, I'd find out that, too, is just one of those things that happen as you... you know the drill.
I've been thinking about the last time my body ran away with me - puberty - and decided the physical process of maturing has a lot of similarities with what happens as we age, except that after puberty we get to drink and have sex, while after completing aging... again, you know the drill.
Puberty: I am horrified to find the skin on my face, to which I had never given any thought other than to make sure it was washed, is embarrassing and betraying my by breaking out in zits.
Aging: I am horrified to find the skin on my face, which I have been lavishing with elaborate and expensive serums, moisturizers and sun screens, has creases that don't iron out and has broken out in solar lentigines, AKA liver spots.
Puberty: Oh, no, my boobs are getting as big as my grandmother's!
Aging: Oh, no, my bunions are getting as big as my grandmother's!
Puberty: I wake up once a month wracked with cramps. (My first time, when I come downstairs complaining, my mother dances around the kitchen singing, I Enjoy Being A Girl.)
Aging: I wake up once a month wracked with cramps. I have dared to eat a little too much of whatever food substance my body's decided is verboten right now. Sadly, no on sings and dances in the kitchen.
Puberty: I worry a lot about nuclear war.
Aging: I worry a lot about nuclear war.
Puberty: My joints ache as they strain to keep up with my bones growing three inches in height annually for three years.
Aging: My joints ache from arthritis. Oh, and I've lost three inches in height! What the hell, bones?!?
Puberty: I experience a mix of panic and excitement with I think about cute boys in my middle school.
Aging: I experience a mix of panic and excitement when I think about the balance in my stock and bond portfolio.
Puberty: Whenever I'm feeling scared or misunderstood or overwhelmed, I escape into books. My fictional friends always make me feel better.
Aging: Me too, 14-year-old Julie. Me, too.
Dear readers, what is your time of life akin to?
