JENN McKINLAY I married into my hair stylist. I know it sounds weird, but Ben the hair wizard started cutting the Hub's hair when Hub was eighteen. Hub is just shy of sixty now so that's a very long relationship between a man and his hair guy. When I married the Hub, Ben became my hair wizard, too. Naturally, when the Hooligans came along, they got their first haircuts with Ben and remained his clients until they moved away from home.
A few months ago, Ben told us he and his wife Barb, also a hair stylist, were retiring. We were thrilled for them but a bit bereft for us. We have known them for decades. We didn’t even have to explain the cut or in my case the color that we wanted, because they knew. Getting a haircut at Ben and Barb's was like visiting family. I even wrote them into one of my books WAIT FOR IT.
How about you, Reds, have you ever had to say good-bye to a professional that you've known forever -- hairdresser, mechanic, accountant -- an wondered, well, shoot, now what am I going to do?
LUCY BURDETTE: That’s a long hair relationship! I hate when that happens! Here’s the thing I dread the most: losing my dental hygienist. Trudy’s been taking care of my teeth since I moved to New Haven in 1984 and she does the best job. She’s a little older than me, so it wouldn’t be unreasonable for her to retire…but I beg her every time I see her and she assures me all is well. We know all about each other’s families, and we chat about books and Broadway shows, even though it’s not that easy to talk with your mouth full of equipment. She stops in at all my Connecticut booksignings. Oh Trudy, please don’t leave me!
HALLIE EPHRON: Recently my primary care physician retired. My first criteria, aside from competence, was AGE! I wanted someone much younger than me. My new PCP is just a few years out of medical school.
Youth was my #1 criteria when I had to be assigned a new editor at HarperCollins. (Sadly, publishing houses are known for laying off their oldest and most experienced editors.)
I also miss my mechanics – brothers (Brian and Greg) and before them their dad (Mr. Egan) who owned my local Sunoco station. I’d put them in one of my books and brought over a signed copy.
Marching into the future, kicking and screaming.
HANK PHILLIPPI RYAN: Oh, Jenn, this is SUCH a thing! First, my primary care physician retired, she was so great, and we had been together for gosh, so many years? I mean, I know I got older, but she was not allowed to. Think of the history. She’s seen me go from 36 to 76. I mean–that is a process!
The replacement is a version of how the original was, she’s fine. But it’s a different relationship. Although she probably knows newer things–I guess. What’s “standard” is certainly different, for better and for worse.
My dentist recently informed me he was retiring, too, SHEESH. And he is enthusiastic about the person who is taking over the practice. “You’ll love her,” he says. We shall see.
And yeah, even my dermatologist, who is famous and fabulous? Yup, gonzo in three months.
But if my hair guy retires, I’m just going to stay out of the public eye for the rest of my life. Clearly there is no other option.
RHYS BOWEN: I am still in recovery mode from my hairdresser going back to Thailand with no warning after twenty plus years. I’ve tried two people since. Both disappointing. I may have to fly to Thailand! And my doctor is getting on in years too. John’s is retiring at the end of the year and a new, young concierge is double the price. If my house cleaner stops working I’ll be in despair!
DEBORAH CROMBIE: Jenn, losing your hair person is the worst! Or quitting your hair person. I stopped going to my long-time stylist, who was also a friend, during covid, when she wouldn’t get vaccinated. And then, when I’d cut my own hair for a year (argh) it would have felt really weird to go back, as well as still unsafe. So I found a new stylist, who has since moved to another salon and I drive 30 minutes to get my hair cut!
But the worst is losing your primary care doctor. Ours, who had been our doctor for 18 years, moved to Missouri last year. He was also a neighbor, and he even made housecalls! We miss him so much. The new doctor is very nice but it takes years to build a relationship.
JULIA SPENCER-FLEMING: You may have noticed my hair is always up in a bun these days. I'm hoping it makes me look like a stern Latin professor at a women's college in Oxford, but I fear it really just reads "Granny who makes biscuits." The reason I haven't cut it is because during the pandemic my hairdresser, whom I had found after going from place to place for several years, left the state! The nerve of her, to go get married and move in with her new husband.
I've been waiting for the energy to find a new stylist, but honestly, I found the right place to get my Shih Tzus groomed, and that may be as far as it goes. (The groomer is only in his twenties; I'm hoping the dogs and I will all be in the ground before he retires.)
How about you, Readers? Have you lost any professionals in your life that you can't replace?
It's hard when professional relationships come to an end . . . I thought I was going to lose my primary care physician, but that turned out not to be the case, thank goodness. I simply cannot imagine . . . .
ReplyDeleteMy dentist was the first to retire and then we had a couple of years where the new ones kept leaving for additional schooling before we moved. My new dentist looks like a 12 year old, but I guess I like her and the hygienist I have had once so far.
ReplyDeleteThen my doctor retired. I picked a different one in the practice to go to, but never did because we decided we were moving. I’ve seen my new one here once so far. So far so good. Another young female.
I’m still not over my Mayo rheumatologist leaving to go where the research funding was for the pediatric research she was doing. I loved her. I only ever saw a nurse practitioner after that…10 years. Have just been having video appts with her since we moved but finally have an appt in February with a live person here.
I hated leaving my dermatologist behind. I was just so comfortable with her. The one I went to here was okay so far.
I hope I am not going to have to start over again when I become eligible for Medicare in two years.
And the worst was leaving my dear Amy who cut my hair! Our whole family has been going to her for over 30 years. I have been to 3 new people so far. The first one did a horrible job. I spent months growing all the choppy layers out so I could try again. The next person did a decent job getting it back to the look I wanted, although the consistency was lacking and the last two times she cut it quite a bit shorter than I wanted. She up and retired and I just saw a different person at the same salon last week as they rescheduled me. It was basically a ten minute trim. I will go back to her and see how it goes.
Those 12-year old doctors are everywhere! LOL Our eye doctor, who went to high school with Steve, had to retire several years ago because of a stroke that ironically robbed him of his full sight. His son was an option for replacement, but neither of us like him, so we ended up with "the kid". Brian is in his late 30's, but he had a young intern for a while and I couldn't tell them apart.
DeleteUgh! My grandmother was a beautician, so growing up I always got my hair cut on our quarterly trips to Ohio. Then in junior high, my sister and I both grew our hair out, so we just trimmed each others’ ends.
ReplyDeleteWhen I moved to SoCal, my hair was still long so I made my husband trim it, which he hated. After a couple of years, I went to a co-worker’s stylist (he had a floppy 90’s Hugh Grantesque style that was perfectly cut.
I followed this stylist around for 25 years, to a series of salons that were further and further away. Finally she was cutting out of her home, and it was taking 2 + hours - there were a variety of mental and physical health challenges, I fear.
For the first 18 months of COVID I just let my hair grow since it was up all of the time. when I was ready to get it cut, I decided I was too old to kneel by the side of the tub to get my hair washed, so I broke up with my stylist. I don’t know if I would have the guts to do it without the COVID break in seeing her, and despite the challenges, she still did a great job on my difficult hair.
It's happened to us several times. Our primary care doctor moved when his daughters left the area. He was just amazing and I still miss him. He sold his practice to a woman whom we stayed with for two years but both of us felt uncomfortable.
ReplyDeleteMy OBGYN had passed away and his partner retired around the same time. We were in our 50's. The woman who took over that practice is wonderful. I confided in her about needing a new GP and she recommended her own GP. She's a perfect match for us.
I've had break ups with hairdressers., but have been with the same guy now for years. The hairdresser before him was a genius with a scissor but stark raving mad. Leaving her was tough but necessary. Her life was a soap opera.
The latest was my dentist who retired and sold his practice. One trip to his replacement dentist, who told me she'd be replacing one of my front teeth, was enough, and I was on the hunt again. I have a very nice new dentist but his practice is a branded practice and his prices are way higher than my last dentist.
Alas. Change isn't easy.
“The hairdresser . . . was a genius with a scissor but stark raving mad. Leaving her was tough but necessary. Her life was a soap opera.“
DeleteSounds like we had the same experience!
Those pictures with your menfolk getting their hair cut are adorable, Jenn. I've had my primary care doc for thirty-three years and he's only a couple of years younger than me. So far he assures me he's not retiring, but we'll see. He's also a personal friend, and he and his wife came to my son's baby shower last month.
ReplyDeleteThe amazing hairdresser I had, the one responsible for suggesting a (slightly) more professional do after I started being published, wasn't going to use any protective measures during the pandemic, so I stopped going. I finally found someone in my town I can walk to, and she's fine, but she's not Ashley.
My hair salon closed after Covid. My dentist moved and my PCP moved and her replacement didn't speak English well, so I'm glad I moved out of state because my new medical professionals are great. I haven't found a hair salon yet, but I can manage cutting my very short hair myself.
ReplyDeleteSo glad to hear you have found the right doctors for you, Dru! It is hard to move, isn't it? Finding everything new is a fulltime job for awhile!
DeleteI love your photos, Jenn. Having someone who is good, who you trust, who you can afford makes such a difference! I’ve been going to the same salon now for about 18 years. I’m on my 4th stylist. The first moved, the second (my favourite) got her citizenship and a business degree and off she went. The 3rd had a baby and drastically cut hours. The current one is good and we’ve settled into a rhythm. She’s much younger than I so 🤞🏼. My PCP is younger but making noises about retiring. If his NP
ReplyDeleteMistakenly his publish. I hope his NP stays becuase she is great. I am looking for a good dentist-aughh. Change gets harder as we age, doesn’t it! Pleas, please Jungle Red Writers, keep going with this blog!
DeleteI was very sad when my long time stylist, David, moved to Palm Springs with his husband, Steven (also a stylist). The last few years they were in Portland, their salon was in their basement (very professional, separate door for clients) which meant I got to visit their dogs Petra and Roman when I got my haircuts. They were great guys, so fun, part of the theater and drag queen culture of Portland. Unfortunately Steven died last year. After David, I had another stylist who left to go back to school. Now I have Lucie, who is totally sweet. I've followed her to 3 different locations.
ReplyDeleteIn 2009 or 2010 my PCP retired. He hadn't been my doc very long, but I liked him. He had kind eyes and was so sweet to me when I was sick after dad's death. They assigned me a new young (handsome) doctor that I really liked, so I saw him for a couple of years. I did my gyne stuff with his friend (who he described as 'the nicest person in the world'). She was! Young doc left for another job and I transferred to his friend. I thought I was good for the long haul when I got a letter from the clinic saying she had left and they would find me yet another doc. This time I actually looked her up and found out she had transferred to Legacy Health, and a clinic that was 15 minutes from home. So I switched and followed her over there. Best decision ever. She's so wonderful, personable, kind and thoughtful, and young enough to outlive me by a mile.Even though she wasn't accepting new patients, I talked her into taking my twin when M left Kaiser at Medicare time. My doc also sees a friend of mine and my son when he's in town. We all love her.
The technician who performs mammograms retired and the 'new' one last year also indicated she would be retiring. Although only an annual appointment, I always felt a connection to her and we shared all sorts of information about our lives. Not a procedure I'm anxious to have with another person. sigh...
ReplyDeleteThis hits close to home. My PCP of 40+ years is retiring this week. Last year my hairdresser apparently had a medical event and left us all high and dry. Newer, younger people are the replacements and I am satisfied with them. The big BUT here is the tricky issue of not having any history with them and at age 72 there aren’t as many years left to forge that bond.
ReplyDeleteOh does this hit! My dentist retired last year. My primary care doctor is retiring in June--talk about a long relationship--his father delivered me! Dr. W is kind, listens, and I'm going to miss him. And I've been on the prowl for a new hairdresser--I'd been going to the same person for years and years. She cuts hair beautifully, but doesn't listen. My hair's not the same as it was 25 years ago, and I need something different in order to manage those differences. I'm totally inept when it comes to styling hair--the cut's got to do the heavy lifting!
ReplyDeleteHaving done both in my lifetime, changing hairdressers is more devastating than getting a divorce.
ReplyDeleteTrust me.
I am a nurse
In the last five years I have lost my hair stylist of over 55 years; my dentist of over 40 years; and my cleaning lady of over 40 years!!! It has been challenging, but, I have survived!
ReplyDeleteI had a really great stylist, but she was very popular. You had to make your appointment at least a month in advance. God forbid you got sick because she couldn’t fit you in. Then she had a baby and she started canceling appointments because her child was sick. She just became too unreliable so I had to find another stylist. The woman I found gives me a good haircut, is not expensive and I have followed her to four different salons.
ReplyDeleteMy husband and I were both going to the same dentist for years until he sold his practice. I didn’t like his replacement so found another dental practice thanks to a friend’s referral. My husband started questioning why I was paying for cleanings “because they’re covered by insurance.” Turns out my new dentist was considered a “Premium” dentist which apparently meant she could charge more for procedures than our insurance covered. I have now gone back to the same location where my previous dentist was, but the replacement has moved to another state and I like the new new dentist! Except he want to replace two crowns that the Premium dentist did a couple of years ago and the insurance won’t cover that…. — Pat S
Great topic, Jenn! I have been with the same stylist for at least 25 years, and I dread the day he decides to retire. I have followed him through three moves over those years and currently drive further than makes sense to stay with him. I'm pinning my hopes on him working more or less forever, as he is single and a workaholic.
ReplyDeleteJust before covid our primary care physician retired and the doctor in the practice who took over her patients was a huge disappointment. (I could write a whole blog post on that debacle!) But apparently her bad performance wasn't limited to us, so when we asked to be reassigned they were very conciliatory and told us we were welcome to choose any doctor in the practice we wanted. But they also really highlighted that they had just hired a new young, male doctor they were all very excited about. (That statement was more meaningful than it might seem, because it had previously been an all-female practice. I figure he had to be good for them to change that tradition.) He lived up to their enthusiasm and has been our PCP for at least three years now.
I don't get the hair thing but that might be because I'm a guy and I am the easiest haircut around. No muss, no fuss. So when one barber retires or moves away, I just go to the next one and repeat the process.
ReplyDeleteThe same for when my doctor retires or leaves a practice. I just step on forward to the next one. I will say that I did miss one of the people who took care of me when he left because he did a damn good job both taking care of and listening when I spoke about whatever was ailing me at the time I saw him. But that was three docs ago now and the one I have now is damn good too. If she ever leaves, I might feel that "Oh no, Edvard Munch "The Scream" expression" feeling.
I think the longest relationship I have with any kind of regular aid provider of any kind is my dentist. I would definitely miss him but since two of his kids are now working in the same practice, I'd just transition over to one of them I'm sure.
Big loss – my vet. She retired (fed up with the system!!!!)
ReplyDeleteWith her, there was common sense with also was lost with the ‘new system’ which seemed to take over all of Canada. Vet-ting is by price range, and so think of coming to the office – ding-price, come to the office and get examined – ding, Vet can’t think so orders all the tests in the world – major ding-price, etc. Dr Ruth could think and would vet – the old way. Listen, talk, ask, ruminate, and then present – maybe with a blood test or x-ray if required. She always would say “I think it is this, and this is the treatment – this is the cost. We can do this…” She knew we had good nursing skills and would do what was required, but could not afford heroics or foolishness – sorry no $10,000 cat here. There were 2 favourites stories – 1 cat had rotten teeth - $3000.00 for dental work to pull teeth – not happening. However, Dr Ruth said she could clean the cat’s teeth for 50, and some teeth ‘might’ just fall out. 15 mins later and $50 later – perfect (well almost) cat. She lived another 2 years not in pain, and neither was my wallet.
Then there was the 15-year-old male already neutered male cat that went in to be “feral kitten to be spayed” and had a tumour removed from his hock – free as ‘she’ was feral.
Now they seem to be only able to diagnose by test, and science and not seat of the pants – I know there is a place for both. I miss her.
I can relate. My stylist of 30 years, who is a good friend by now, has started stepping down her business, and next month she goes from three days a week down to two. And she will no longer take credit cards. On the one hand I'm pleased for her, because standing on your feet all day is no joke, and she has back problems and arthritis. She's Polish, and came to the US with no English at 18, can you imagine? She knows how to compensate for both my cowlicks, and has made me look effortlessly acceptable for a long time. I have started asking around, but most of my friends are in similar situations.
ReplyDeleteI have outlasted many doctors and dentists. The last time my dentist retired I switched to our current, all-woman office that we both love. The dentists are both young, energetic, and try new things all the time, and will take as long as we need to explain things. I love them.
This has to be one of the worst things about aging. Both for us and for the professionals we depend on. First my dentist, who had been treating me forever, got sick and sold his practice. After only one visit, I knew that the person who bought the practice was a nightmare. I then got recommendations from everyone I knew but it took almost a year to get an appointment. He's a lot younger than I am and he works in a group with several others, so I think I'm good.
ReplyDeleteMy body shop guy, on the other hand, is a slightly different story. He was reputed to be the best, so when I had the need I went to him. This was early in December a few years ago. he told me he was closing shop right after the new year. Not because he was old; he was my son's age. His mechanics and body techs, you know, the guys who did the actual work, were all old and wanted to retire. Since he couldn't find any young guys who were up to his standards, he promised his crew they could retire. At least they got my car to look like new but I don't know what will happen if there is a next time. And there is always a next time. Especially here in deer country. At least it's not moose country.
What a topic! All the above have been replaced more than once or twice. The hairdresser I have, I’ve been with for 15 or so years. I’ve followed her to all new location but left one bc of distance and creepy location, a mall that had seen better days and I swear there were ghosts of customers past wandering the abandoned shops. Now she’s owns one that is a tad bit closer but is so good and so busy I have to make appointments at least 8 - 10 weeks in advance. If I cancel one, I’m waiting weeks to get a hair cut. New dentist: Better. New PCP: took time and it shouldn’t be so hard to find one that speaks English. It’s really important to understand what we are being told. Thank goodness most practices have access to the information written in English. Perfect PCP found who listens! ENT&Audiologist: Better.
ReplyDeleteThat was me Paula B
DeleteOur long time ( 40 years), much loved, cleaning woman retired and no one can ever replace her. Here's why (beside being an important part of our family):
ReplyDeleteShe washes down the front porch, enters the house.
Cleans all rooms,
vacuums,
takes off all sheets in 3 bedrooms - washes them and remakes the beds,
does all the laundry -- folds, irons, puts away.
Picks flowers from garden and makes arrangements for tables,
alternates doing some windows each time, takes off screens and washes them.
She was at our house for 8 hours.
For years, I used to beg her to work less hours but she would say I will and continue working.
Her name is Maria, she is from Mexico originally, is a duel citizen and has moved back to Mexico (did I say she is a smart woman!) where she is quite happy. She like so many Mexicans are the hardest, best workers, honest and loyal.
Our new cleaning ladies only clean - don't pick flowers, don't wash the front porch, windows, do laundry, don't iron. They are in and out in a few hours.
This is really a thing now that I am older. When my PCP retired around 5 years ago I was really bummed. We were around the same age and I had her as a doctor for almost 25 years. She guided me through all the big health issues of my young and middle life. And hearing she was retiring to have more time in her personal life got me to thinking… that’s it’s okay to switch gears partway through life. She was an inspiration to me to consider shifting out of my high-stress/pressure career field and begin to live life more aligned with my personal interests and passions (art). I saw her a couple of years ago at my favorite sushi restaurant and I choked up when we chatted. I thanked her again for her care as a doctor and that her retirement gave me permission to be okay with walking away from the years of work I put into my degrees and building my business in exchange for peace and passion. Four years later, I don’t regret it at all. And yeah, losing my amazing hairdresser was pretty devastating! I am starting with a new one now. So far, so good…
ReplyDelete