It's a TRAVESTY!

HANK PHILLIPPI RYAN: I’m sure some of you, like me, read the Metropolitan Diary in the New York Times. It’s just a collection of little snippets sent in by readers, tiny moments in time in the life of a New Yorker. They are sweet and adorable and sometimes laugh out loud funny.

The other day, a woman described being in line in a bagel shop in New York. The person in front of her told the bagel guy she wanted a cinnamon raisin bagel with white fish spread.

According to the paragraph, the bagel guy just looked at her, paused, and finally said, with a look of complete disgust on his face: "I can’t make that. I just can’t make that."

It makes me laugh even to write this, how apparently that combination was so not only unpalatable but SO unthinkable that the bagel guy couldn’t even make what his customer wanted. So incredibly funny. 

A food travesty. Like...a blueberry bagel. A blueberry bagel is not a thing. Bagels do not have FRUIT. Muffins have fruit.

I feel like that when someone offers me a piece of pizza with ham and pineapple on it. No, I think, no no no, I just can’t eat that. Even though my brain understands that some people might think that’s good, and that’s fine, but please don’t make me eat that.

Sausage. I have never had any kind of sausage and don’t even ask me to try it, the sound of the skin alone of it makes me want to leave the room. Lima beans. Baked beans. Any kind of food-like thing that is shaped in the shape of a lima bean.

Some people don’t like raisins in oatmeal cookies. I could go either way on that. But marshmallows in ice cream, that just seems like a bad idea. I know Sue Grafton Kinsey liked pickles and peanut butter, and I am all for Kinsey, but really?

And mayonnaise on ham. No no no. There was a battle royal at my house when I was a little girl, when my father for forced us, or tried to, in the least abusive way possible :-) to eat a ham salad sandwich. Nope nope nope. There is no mayonnaise with ham. Chopped celery and mayonnaise do not go with ham.

And then there was the big showdown over roasted chestnuts at Christmas. When I was about 10, I think, my sister and I sat at the dining room table for about two hours in utter refusal.

Jell-O molds with shredded carrots. Carrots do not go in Jell-O. Why would you do that? 

Oysters in turkey stuffing. Absolute no. Why would you put slimy stuff like that in perfectly good stuffing?

Ketchup on eggs? (I mean, does that look good to you?)

 

How about salmon lasagna? I actually saw a recipe for that. Even the chic vitello tonnato...ah, veal with tuna sauce?  I don't think so.

How about you, Read and readers, what do you consider a food travesty?