RHYS BOWEN: As most of you know, I'm finding myself more and more involved with my husband's health issues. He's 92, has had a bad fall and our lives seem to be dominated by doctor visits, picking up meds and deciding what he can eat. The problem is that I don't like to leave him for too long as he's a bit wobbly these days and won't use his walker or cane all the time.
A few days ago I had a mini-escape. My daughter Clare had spring break and we got a day pass to a local hotel pool. We lay in the shade and read, stood in the chest deep pool and talked, sat in the hot tub and ordered lunch and a cocktail. It was heavenly.
And it made me realize how important ME TIME is.
I'm wondering what other Reds and Reddies do when they want to escape, decompress and recharge? For me the pool is one of the most important. To lie in pleasantly warm water, weightless, looking up at palm trees, recharges me rapidly. My favorite would be a beach. Just wandering along the edge of the waves, finding shells, watching sea birds brings me great peace and contentment. Alas Arizona is not near any ocean.
When I am back in California I go to a little beach on the San Francisco Bay. It's called China Camp and was a settlement when the Chinese were driven out of the city a century ago. So a couple of old shacks and a perfect little cove. It's only about fifteen minutes from my house. I buy a year pass and go whenever i need to get away and think. It's great for plotting out the next scene of a book or just letting my mind wander before I come back to real life.
What else do I do? I have regular massages. Love them. A spa day is a real treat. But I don't do many of the things my friends do to feel relaxed and special. Manicures? No. I have tried. I come out looking glamorous and in two days I've chipped half my nails. I do like pedicures. It's fun to change toe nail colors in the summer.
Facials? I've tried. I lie there with pads on my eyes while soothing herbals blends are stroked into my skin and I think, "I must remember to get more eggs on the way home." Or... In that scene I just wrote she shouldn't say she's angry. I find myself writing to do lists. And begrudging the time all these substances on my face are taking.
I'm not good with meditation either. I try to relax and think of nothing. Impossible. I try to picture myself floating on a cloud or lying on a calm ocean. And start writing the to do lists again, or rewriting my last chapter.
I've tried sound baths. They don't seem to work either. Actually, now I think about it, the best way to relax is to have lunch with good friends. Lots of laughter, memories, encouragement.
So what suggestions do you have for me at this moment? Quick little re-charge sessions?
Getting together with friends is always good . . . listening to your favorite music . . . a walk through the garden [or park or around the neighborhood] . . . .
ReplyDeleteStanding in a pool is such a lovely respite from gravity! Having everything be . . . perky again.
ReplyDeleteFor me it’s walking - preferably in nature, or an unfamiliar city. But even if it’s on concrete and close to home the movement helps calm me down.
It is possible that I have too much "me time" these days. Irwin has recovered nicely from some health issues and has several things that he goes off to do away from the house throughout the week. I do meet friends for lunch occasionally, but I am home a lot. Although I enjoy cooking and baking, I need to get out more and try to do more things that I used to love to do. But can I?
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry things with John are difficult these days, Rhys. I wish him all the best for regaining his strength and stability. Your getaway with Clare sounds perfect.
ReplyDeleteLike for Joan and Lisa, a good brisk walk outdoors always energizes me. And if I resolve a plot point, so much the better.
Walking the beach. Any weather. I was born and raised in Iowa so being a ten minute drive from even the coooollllldddd Atlantic Ocean (Maine) and a chance to walk is wonderful. I have a situation like yours, Rhys, and wish you the opportunities to have me-time with regularity.
ReplyDeleteWhy are men so stubborn? Trying to tough it out without help is how we get into trouble. Okay, enough said.
ReplyDeleteMy garden (or anybody's garden, like the Cincinnati Zoo, where I'll be today), the sewing room, and a good book--which I can combine with the first two, thanks to audiobooks. If I could get a massage every evening before bed that would be the ultimate luxury, but hahaha. I also love having pretty nails, but I also wreck them immediately--if there's a weed it gets pulled! I can't help myself, so it's really a waste of money I could be spending on plants. LOL
It will be nice to get back to walking outdoors again. The hip is doing so much better, as long as I don't overdo it.
How “WE” get into trouble…Karen, my experience is this not just men. My grandmother, my mother, and I were (as of today I still am) tough it out on our own people. Elisabeth
DeleteMe time = anywhere with a book. It's my best gift to myself! Enjoying reading and escaping from any current events. A double win! And I understand only too well about John, my hubs is aging rapidly. It's sad and scary to witness. My advice? Read more!
ReplyDeleteRhys, I am so sorry to hear about John's health issues. I wish him speedy recovery and regaining of his strength. I am grateful he is still here. I remember meeting him and your son at your book event in Corte Madera. Your getaway with Clare sounds wonderful. This resonates with me because my beloved 94 year old uncle is having health issues. His wife and son in law are taking good care of him.
ReplyDeleteWhat qualifies as "me time"? Reading wonderful books like your novels. Taking a walk at the crack of dawn when there are almost no one around, which is easier for me to socially distance at 6 feet. A long bath is almost as good as the spa. Watching one of my favorite movies on my computer. Writing letters to dear family and friends. It is blissful when we can get our "me time".
I'm so sorry you and John are struggling with these health and balance issues. You are both in my prayers.
ReplyDeleteI am firmly in the camp of walking for re-charging. When the weather permits (and I have pretty broad tolerances) I walk outside every day. Most days I walk through suburban neighborhoods, but often manage to walk in the woods. There are no beaches in Central Ohio, but I am just back from a week on Sanibel Island where the beach walks were heavenly. Other than walks, I share your love of massages and also the sharp preference for pedicures over manicures. Reading is always rejuvenative, especially when I can sit and physically read a book rather than listen to the audio (which I do more often.)
I have also visited a float spa a few times, where one gets into a pod containing water with epsom salts in it, thus forcing your body to float. The lights are low and one can choose either soft music or sound. I chose wave sounds. I haven't been to one for a while now, but I did find it profoundly relaxing.
Rhys, it sounds like you know what does Not work for you. It sounds like going outside, the beach or being near water works for you. Would sitting outside on your porch with a cuppa of tea work for you? I read somewhere that people, who live longer, do nothing for the first 15? 20? minutes after waking up.
ReplyDeleteRhys, may you and John have grace and serenity for your days, wherever and when ever, Elisabeth
ReplyDeleteWalks in my neighborhood help me recharge. We had 4 great sunrises in a row this week! wooo hoo!! I saw a coyote at a distance on the golf course yesterday. Aside--a friend posted a video that a golfer had taken last Saturday (at the golf course where I walk every day!) of a couple of the coyotes climbing a tree. Wow.
ReplyDeleteI meditate every day, knowing that my thoughts will wander. The point is to gently notice and return to the breath or the word (my word for the year is joyful, which is hard to feel a lot of the time) Time with friends also helps me recharge.
Rhys, caregiving is so hard and anxiety-producing; please continue to take care of yourself. Praying for you and John.
Rhys, so sorry to hear about your husband's health issues. I love your experiences with facials and your thoughts running thru your head - so funny! I feel the same. I do like getting a pedicure but not my nails either. I grew up near the ocean and it was our "babysitter" - we got up early on Sat, watched cartoons then usually headed out to the beach where we played in the water for hours and only came home in time for dinner. When I was teaching middle school, I would always go to the YMCA pool to swim laps in the early morning hours - just being in the water, seeing the trees overhead, gave me such serenity. It is a great way to start the day.
ReplyDelete