The Monster Under the Bed

RHYS BOWEN: Halloween is fast approaching and lots of tiny tots are going to be scaring themselves silly by dressing up like ghosts and monsters and going out into the dark streets where there are giant spiders and cobwebs. I wonder why we like to be scared? Maybe it's the delicious thrill of being scared yet knowing we are essentially safe. Having never grown up with Halloween (it didn't really exist in England but it's big there now) I didn't ever experience the thrill of being scared in a controlled environment. And I confess, I am a natural wimp. I have never enjoyed horror stories, horror movies.

Actually I didn't need Halloween to scare me. I grew up in a scary house. It was a big, rambling country house with corridors long enough for me to practice my roller skating. My brother and I slept on the top floor, up a twisting flight of stairs from our parents. And I was convinced the house was haunted. The rug outside my bedroom door would flap by itself.... flap, flap, flap in the darkness. My window opened once in the middle of the night. And I used to dream about a procession of hooded figures coming up the stairs toward me. I suppose in an old house a draft could make the rug flap, the window blow open, and the hooded figures were because that staircase stood between me and my parents. However... years later I mentioned to my brother that I thought Britomart (the name of the house) was haunted. He replied, 'Of course it was."

So I didn't need things to frighten me, but I'm curious as to what scared you when you were a child. Did you think there was a monster under the bed? Did you have to have a nightlight on? Did you like being scared at Halloween? Confession time....

HALLIE EPHRON: No night lights or monsters under the bed for me. And I confess, I never found Halloween scary. Wasn't it about candy? Maybe because those rubber Halloween masks hadn't been invented yet and I'd never been to see a horror film. We lived up the street from a famous 'witch's house' which was built for a movie. Here's a link: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spadena_House - The big thing on Halloween was to go there trick or treating. Or to the house around the corner where Lana Turner's daughter killed Johnny Stompanato. We carried pillow cases for our loot and filled them.

LUCY BURDETTE: Ooohhh, Rhys have you written about Britomart?? If not, you must! I don't like to be scared, not one bit. Maybe I'm managing that by writing mysteries?? anyway, I agree with Hallie, Halloween was about the candy. But also about being someone other than myself by wearing a costume. Maybe my favorite ever was going to a party in grad school as Wonder Woman...

RHYS: Lucy, I've just written about a spooky house in Cornwall for my next Royal Spyness book! And I love the uh...breastplates???

HANK PHILLIPPI RYAN: I scared myself in my formative years by watching The Twilight Zone, so my entire pre-teen life was spent trying to  figure out what horrific and life-changing twist was about to happen. and YIKES, the pod people in Invasion of the Body Snatchers. I was terrified of that. Halloween, though, doesn't seem scary to me. And yes, Lucy, the good part is getting to dress up as something else. And the Twizzlers. But the decorations some people have in their yards are more grotesque than scary..unless, I suppose, you see them at night . Which, duh, is the point. Never mind.
Oh--I was at an event today with another author--who said  her son was not scared about the monsters under the bed because every night they used a special spray to keep them away.

JULIA SPENCER-FLEMING: I love scary books and the old-fashioned scary movies, now and when I was a kid. I had several "Tales of Terror" books which, I realized as an adult, were classic short stories repackaged with a few illustrations for kids. Very smart of my mother, who got me reading Poe, de Maupassant and Henry James before I was twelve. I still think those older tales are the absolute creepiest - I defy anyone to read Shirley Jackson and get a good night's sleep afterwards.

We lived in my grandmother's 1840s country house for a couple of years, and of course slept over many other times. I used to be scared of the mysterious thumps and creaks, until my grandma pointed out that we had owned the house since it was built, any ghosts residing there were family members. She used to swear she could hear her grandmother in the kitchen, rattling pots and pans, getting ready to feed her large brood. Now I own a 200-year-old house in the country, and I'm afraid all the mysterious noises are caused by mice. :-P

JENN McKINLAY: I'm with Julia! I love the scary stuff! Candy helps, too, of course. I was always scared as a kid since my brother, who is eleven months older than me, just thought it was the funniest thing to hide around corners, under stairs, behind doors and jump out at me. I am the scream queen, seriously, Jamie Lee Curtis has nothing on me. I remember one night while I was doing the dishes, we lived in a remote area in a house on a lake, my brother crept up to the kitchen window, which overlooked the lake, and popped up wearing a rubber mask from The Creature from the Black Lagoon. I think I screamed for five minutes straight. And yet, I still love all things scary. There is clearly something wrong with me. By the way, I already have my tickets to Zombieland this weekend!

DEBORAH CROMBIE: I don't like scary. Not when I was a kid, not now. My brother was too much older than me to have bothered teasing me, or I might have developed a thicker scary-skin. And I don't ever remember being scared on Halloween. It was just about dressing up (which I wasn't very good at either) and the candy. But I do love Zombieland, Jenn, so am all in on the new one! My hubby, by the way, is the oldest of five, and LOVED scaring his siblings.

RHYS: So how about you? Who likes to be scared? Who is a wimp (or maybe a sensible person) like me ?

Sweets for our sweeties on Valentine's Day

HALLIE EPHRON: Tomorrow is Valentine's Day. It's a tricky holiday. Not one to be ignored, but in our house more sweet than significant. I always hope for candy and get flowers. Or maybe it's the other way around. My favorite thing is always the valentine card that my husband draws for me.

The best valentine I've ever given was inspired by my husband's ratty old bedroom slippers. I bought him a pair of bright red LL Bean fleece slipper socks. He always leaves his slippers by the bed when he goes to sleep and when he woke up that Valentine's day, the new ones were right there for him to slip them on.

His best gift to me? Letting me throw away the old slippers. He gets very attached to his things.

So what are your best Valentine's gifts, given or received?

LUCY BURDETTE: that's such a cute story Hallie! and we envy your adorable cards. I may have told you all this a hundred times, but John proposed on Valentine's Day, back in 1992. He did it with a hand-crafted poem that started out something like:

"On the court,
A girl named Bert,
Played across the net
In a bright red skirt."

And it ended with a flourish: "Honey-bunny don't leave me in the lurch, let's go do it in the church."

Now how could he ever top that? He doesn't have to--he's good for the duration of the marriage. LOL Which we hope is a long, long time....

SUSAN ELIA MACNEAL: Lucy, that's adorable! And Hallie, I love the slipper story! Noel and I try to be romantic all year long, so we don't really do a big thing on Valentine's Day, specifically. I must say the idea of going to an overcrowded/overpriced restaurant on that particular day doesn't appeal. I'd rather go somewhere on a whim on a random Tuesday. Because we both freelance and Kiddo is in school, we tend to do lunch dates!

What I do like about Valentine's day is helping Kiddo buy Valentines for kids in his class (usually Snoopy) and then doing something special for the three of us (usually involving heart-shaped cookies with red icing.)

DEBORAH CROMBIE: Susan, I think your Valentine's Day sounds great. We don't usually do much. I don't eat a lot of chocolate, flowers are twice the price of normal, and restaurants are over-crowded. Trying to remember if we've ever gone out on Valentine's Day... I usually try to cook something nice, and this year will be celebrating our little sweetheart Wren, new addition to the family.

Favorite Valentine's prezzy? Heart-shaped, raspberry-filled Linzer torte cookies from La Madeleine French Cafe and Bakery!

JULIA SPENCER-FLEMING: My celebration is on the day after, when all the candy goes on sale for half-price! No, Ross and I are more like Susan and Noel; we'll skip the hard-to-get reservations on Feb 14 and have a more relaxing meal another day.

I don't know about BEST Valentine's Day gift, but I can share the (inadvertently) funniest: I had been grumbling about losing weight and getting in shape, and Ross gave me a pretty heart-shaped box of sugar-free chocolates. I didn't even open them until one of my besties came calling a few days later. She and I sat by the woodstove, talking and eating chocolates, eating chocolates and talking... we were two-thirds of the way through the box before we turned it over and saw the warning on the bottom label: RECOMMENDED SERVING SIZE - 3 CANDIES. SUGAR FREE CANDIES MAY HAVE A LAXATIVE EFFECT.

So that was the year Ross gave me sweets AND a colon cleanse.

HANK PHILLIPPI RYAN:  Oh, Julia. Yes, indeed, memorable.

Valentines Day. I got nuthin. Jonathan and I pretty much ignore it...we are very cozy all the time (you know, all the Reds relationships are like that, it's pretty interesting), and we just never latched on to it.

My best Valentine story was for TV. I did a big experiment about two things: First, whether putting roses in plain water, aspirin water, sugar water, or floral stuff water made a difference in their staying power. I put one rose from the same bouquet of 12 into a separate vial, in the same place with the same light and temp, and changed the water and food every day, and took video every day over two weeks. It was a great experiment.

I also checked the price of a dozen roses a month before and then compared the price of the SAME bouquets on Valentine's Day. HIGHWAY ROBBERY. (Buying champagne on New Year's Eve, too. Ripoff.)

RHYS BOWEN: As we are always in Arizona for Valentine's Day we have an ongoing joke. Our first year here,2007" John bought me a balloon and fake roses at the dollar store. They have lasted to this day so every year he dusts them off and presents them to me again! The balloon refuses to collapse!

We never go out to eat as the service is terrible but I think we will console ourselves with lobster tail and lamb chops and maybe chocolate. And the night before we are going to Bruno's Desert Light exhibit at the Botanical Garden. So no complaints.  

HALLIE: AND AND AND?? Hank, which rose lasted the longest? Deb, linzer cookes are my all-time favorites. I make them with hazelnuts and raspberry jam.

So we're dying to hear what do you hope the Valentine bunny is bringing you this year? And what are your fondest memories of Valentine's Days past?

How Sweet It Is!

HANK PHILLIPPI RYAN:  I get it now, I do. They invented Halloween not as an opportunity for kids to dress up, but as an opportunity for adults to buy candy, all they want, with the built-in excuse that it's "for the kids"

Halloween is also an excuse for women of a certain ilk to dress up in skimpy outfits and pretend it's a costume. One year, one of my pals wore black tights and a black leotard--and that is all! And then she the swirled herself in pale blue gauze, and called herself a hurricane. I beg you. In fact, I bet the sales of black tights and black leotards skyrockets at Halloween. but I digress.

Seriously, Reds, I buy Twizzlers and Snickers and Almond Joy, my very favorites, and then I hope nobody comes to the door. :-)  Well, no, that's not true, I love trick or treaters, actually ,and get a huge kick out of them.  But I am also happy to be able to buy Twizzlers and Snickers.

This year I also bought pencils. Yes, pencils. They are cool, funny, Halloween pencils, and I wondered if that was a better (healthier and more useful) treat than candy. I mean--I LOVE pencils! They are not as sweet and swirly as Twizzlers, but they last longer and do not melt. And although you can write with a Twizzler, you cannot read it. And you can never erase Twizzler marks.

But I fear the goblins and hurricanes will not appreciate pencils.

So two things: Are you getting candy?  What kind?

And: Do you think the kids will go for pencils? Or any candy alternative?

No, three things. Do you eat candy corns color by color? Or all at once?

LUCY BURDETTE: Speaking of costumes, Hank, as you well know, the Crime Bake conference banquet is famous for costumes. I wanted to go this year with 2 pals as James Bond and two of the Bond girls. (Speaking of leotards and all...) But whispering now, instead we're going as Poirot and 2 Miss Marples. Sigh. It turns out that I used to dress as Miss Marple in my therapy practice days, so the outfit was a snap.

No candy, we don't live in a neighborhood so no one comes. Pencils for the gluten-free or sugar averse? And the few candy corns I eat, all at once.

RHYS BOWEN: This is so funny, Hank, because John and I were in Safeway yesterday and he actually said, "We need to stock up on Kit Kats for Halloween. Look, two big bags for ten dollars." And I replied, "We only get about five kids at the most."  And he grinned and said, "So?"  He loves kit kats. I deplore this devious way of stocking up with Kit Kats. If I do it it will be with healthy Snickers and Milky Ways!

 

I've been to a couple of fun Halloween parties--I once went as a fallen angel when John was the devil. In those days he had black hair and a little black beard and he stuck on fake horns and looked very scary. But I fear our dressing up days are over.  I'm more concerned about sexually provocative costumes for little girls!

HALLIE EPHRON: Always candy! My neighborhood is full of kids. They play out in the street, such a lovely quaint idea, and Halloween is about the biggest holiday of the year. I mean the street is seriously lit up, more even than Christmas. I used to buy the candy I don't like because otherwise it would all be gone by Halloween. Turned out it was still gone. Now I buy what I like (Hershey's chocolate, Swedish fish) but not until just before Halloween so it can't get Hoovered if up before the kiddies arrive.

My granddaughter will visit us for Halloween and I can't wait to re-experience a 2 1/2-year-old's Halloween. Remembering when my daughter was that age and helped answer the door and told us "Man with four faces" had come. Four was her generic number for anything more than 1. Translation: man wearing a mask.

Pencils? Not so much. But I haven't got a better idea.

I feel outed on the Candy corn. I like the brown/orange/white ones and I bite off one color at a time.

HANK: Well, I do, too,  of COURSE, because that’s the only way to eat  those things. Yucky as they are...

DEBORAH CROMBIE: They truck in trick-or-treaters to a street a few block from us. I'm serious! It's a madhouse. But we don't get many. If it's nice I'll sit on the front porch for an hour or so just in case any "littles" come by. (Once we start getting teenagers in hoodies, that's it.) So of course I have to buy candy! Mini Hershey's from the supermarket yesterday. Now to keep Rick from eating them all between now and Halloween, that's the trick. (I might eat a couple, I admit. I love the crackly ones.)

Hank, good luck with the pencils... I would like them.  As for candy corn, ugh. Cannot stand. Even when I was a kid. It makes my teeth hurt.

Oh, and actually I think the hurricane Halloween costume was pretty clever! Did she have a blue drink to match?

HANK: Yes, fine, it was cute. Sigh.

JULIA SPENCER-FLEMING: Debs, that makes me think of one of my life lessons: just say no to blue drinks. I don't know what that blue liquor is, but it's a killer.

We live in the country, and have hardly any trick-or-treaters, but Ross buys the giant bags of Hersey's Miniatures just the same. It used to be my job to get the Hallowe'en candy, but he and the kids complained that I was the only person left alive who still likes those caramels-wrapped-around-the-white-center candies. Our location was wonderful for the children when they were little; we could hit every house within walking range in a half hour and they knew all the grown-ups answering the doors, so it wasn't scary. When they got older and more, shall we say, result oriented, we'd drive into Portland and hook up with friends. Half the fun of taking the kids trick-or-treating is wandering a few steps behind with another couple moms, drinking Sam Adams Pumpkin Ale and critiquing everyone's decorations.

Hank, I think your pencils will go over fine. Every year, Youngest got Hallowe'en pencils, stickers and plastic tchotkes like spider rings and eyeballs. She loved them. And I eat candy corn by the colors, of course. Anything faster is just tooooo sweet - those things are solid corn syrup, right?

So two questions, Reds—what candy do you get? And is it for the trick or treaters? Or for…you?

And the mystery of the universe: do the sections of the candy corn taste different?

*********************

And HANK ON TOUR news: are you in Indianapolis (Carmel Clay Library), Madison WI (Mystery to Me Bookstore)  or Oakmont PA (Mystery Lover’s Bookstore? That’s my Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday schedule—before I come home to see Susan! Please come visit and talk about WHAT YOU SEE!   Click here for the details!  

And Susan's MRS. ROOSEVELT'S CONFIDANTE is out tomorrow! YAY!

Twizzlers and Red Hots and Mounds, Oh my!

JULIA SPENCER-FLEMING: Hallowe'en is almost here, and among the changing fashion in decorations, parties, and costumes, one part of the holiday remains constant: candy. Or, as my younger self would have put it, Candy!!!

As a kid, Hallowe'en was a highlight of the year. My mother had firm ideas about nutritious eating; stuff like candy and soda was a rare treat in our house.  So although our creative home-sewn costumes were a thrill, and our small town Hallowe'en parade was a blast, the best part of the evening came at the end, when I would upend an entire pillowcase of goodies on the dining room table. My sister and I would score big when we went out - she was adorable, I was articulate, and we were both (thanks Mom!) very polite. We inevitable got invited to take another one or two pieces, which would then be sorted and swapped and saved at the table later on.


There was a clear hierarchy of Hallowe'en candy every kid knew. At the very apex were the full-size name brand chocolate bars, followed by the junior or snack size version of the same. Further down were the tasty single-serving candies: sourballs and lemon drops, caramels and Sugar Daddies. Near the bottom were the sweets that sounded a lot more fun than they were, like Pixie sticks, Bottle Caps and candy cigarettes (which, I'm sure, aren't made anymore.) At the very bottom, along with the occasional baggie of pennies and religious tract, were the weird old-people candies: Necco wafers and wax bottles of "cola" and Laffy Taffy in hard, inedible slabs. (Full disclosure: my husband loves Necco wafers. I think it's a New England thing.)
Today, as an adult, I still get a thrill out of stocking up on candy, because just like my mom, I don't usually keep it in the house. I went for several years when I couldn't eat chocolate, and even today I need to be judicious in its consumption, so picking up a bag of Hallowe'en M&MS makes me feel like a teetotaler on vacation where no one can see me slugging down Pina Coladas. I'm not the only one, either - I've learned I better get two bags of each kind, because one of them will be mysteriously half-devoured before the actual Fright Night!

How about you, Reds? What were the candies you loved in girlhood? And what are the ones that can tempt you from the whole grain/organic/locally sourced diet we all strive for today?


HALLIE EPHRON: I have a confession to make. I *love* licorice. I know, I know, black licorice whips and jelly beans are always the very last candies left in the bottom of the bags but they're my favorites. Red hots, too. And anything with coconut.

Chocolate? Meh. Peanut butter cups? Patooey.

So you can imagine I got along pretty well, trading candies with my sisters after we'd drag home our haul and spread them out in carefully delineated piles on the floor (Mine. Yours.)

HANK PHILLIPPI RYAN: Twizzlers! Yay, love Twizzlers.  And I agree, I am a big  black licorice fan, too. Mounds, too. Almond Joy! And I am very pleased they decided to make those little sizes. Two bites is  just the right amount.  Jelly beans, all kinds.  NECCOs (New England Candy Co) SHOULD be good, but they just aren't. Chocolate, take or leave. I am baffled by sour things, and hot things. And candy that DOES stuff. Who would eat a Sour Parch kid or (whatever those are) that only makes you pucker?  Or anything that fizzes, hisses or blows up in your mouth? I protest any candy that fights back.

And of course, Julia, One must buy the TEST bag to make sure the candy will be okay for your guests.



JULIA: I like that, Hank. I'll use that in the future. One does want to be a considerate host.
DEBORAH CROMBIE: I don't remember getting anything I much liked. Tootsie Rolls by the dozen. Ugh. Same for Bit O Honey. And so sorry, Hallie and Hank, that I don't share your passion for licorice. Or Twizzlers.  Not Red Hots.  Oh, and I HATED candy corn, and there was always lots of that. And I agree, Hank, I protest any candy that fights back.


I do like good jelly beans. These days we don't have many trick or treaters, but I usually buy Hershey's kisses, knowing that I'll have a few and hubby will snack on the rest until Christmas.  Geez, we sound candy-boring... I have discovered on this book tour, however, hungry late at night with nothing but hotel mini-bar snacks, that I like Kit-Kats. Maybe I'll add those this year.  Oh, and I LOVE peanut M&Ms, so not a complete candy flop!
LUCY BURDETTE: My older sister and I tried our best to bamboozle the best candy from the younger kids, but my parents kept a close eye. I do love red twizzlers, but never the black stuff. I used to like Good 'n Plenty, but over that now. Debs, I will take your Bit O Honey, Hallie, your peanut butter cups, and anybody's Nestle's crunch. Wasn't it the worst when someone decided to give out apples? Or worst of all, toothbrushes!

I don't buy any candy now, because we are not on trick or treater's routes. And I would just eat it. Whether I like it or not...
RHYS BOWEN: I didn't grow up with Halloween but I went through my kids' bags with something like paranoia--was that box of Good and Plenty slightly unglued at one end?  I'd confiscate the gum and anything that was questionable, then I'd allow one evening to pig out before the rest got put away for occasional treats.

I live on a hill now and very few kids walk UPWARD to get candy but I do keep a good supply of Snickers, Kit Kats, M and Ms just in case! 

(And oh dear, if there is some left I hate wasting food...)

JULIA: That's the spirit, Rhys. Uneaten candy is sad candy. How about you, dear readers? What candy did you love or loathe at Hallowe'en? And what do you give out to the little ghouls and goblins (or more likely, Elsa and Captain America) today?