Sunday, October 30, 2016

My Vote for President

JULIA SPENCER-FLEMING: Today, I'm here to make my endorsement for the Presidential election. This is my personal recommendation, and I do not speak for the Jungle Red Writers as a group, when I urge you all to vote for my mom, Lois Fleming, for President.

World Traveler
Why should you vote for my mom?

1. She's traveled widely around the world and I can guarantee she knows where Aleppo is.

2. Mom is terrific at balancing budgets. She's single-handedly grown her and Dad's investments from the pauper's mite to a sum suitable for a comfortable retirement through smart investment and money management. As president, she will personally call everyone in America and remind them that putting the maximum in their 401(k) is getting free money, and why would you leave that on the table?

Supports cultural exchange with visitors to the US
3. Mom does not believe in debt! Under her administration, the country will charge only what it can afford to pay in full at the end of the month with its American Airlines card. All government travel will be paid for by mileage points from the card.

4. Mom will cut through the congressional impasse. She has been both a Republican and a Democrat, so she knows the score on both sides. She will call recalcitrant congressmen into her office and tell them she is Very Disappointed In Them. If this doesn't work, she will give them That Look, perhaps combined with the The Shoulder Pinch (which looks like a hand laid on the shoulder but really says You're going to get it when I get you back to the Oval Office.)

Strong supporter of the elderly
5. Mom has excellent manners, and always remembers she is representing the US when she's abroad. You will never catch Mom giving Angela Merkle a weird backrub.

6. Mom is completely transparent with her emails, often cc:ing them to several of her children at once. Instead of setting up a private server, she will have the government use AOL.com, which is what she and Dad use now. After all, it is America on line.

7. In an average day, Mom will fit in a long walk, cut out a newspaper's worth of coupons, bake a dish for the Community Center dinner, set up the parish hall for the White Elephant sale the next day and attend a book group meeting. She has the stamina to be president.



8. A woman of education and refinement, Mom will never utter the phases "grab her by the p?$$y" or "Anthony Weiner's d!#k." In fact, she won't call Anthony Weiner by his name at all. She'll refer to him as That man. You'll know who she's talking about.

Understands blue collar workers
9. There will be no $300 toilet seats or billion-dollar bombers that can't fly in the rain when mom is commander-in-chief. She will make sure the defense department comparison shops - using Consumer Reports to get the best info - and then waits until an aircraft or destroyer is on sale before buying. Mom will frequent the military-industrial complex mark-down aisle to get good bargains.

10. If elected, Mom will have the most low-key First Spouse ever. Dad will spend his time in the White House designing virtual train sets and crafting miniatures. He does like drones, so we may have to watch that.

11. With an extended family that has straight, gay, white, African-American, Hispanic, Muslim, Roman Catholic and Presbyterian members, Mom is a living part of the Rainbow Generation. Also, she really likes Laverne Cox in Orange is the New Black. Mom knows "political correctness" is just good old-fashioned politeness. Why on earth wouldn't you call someone what they prefer to be called?

Party Loyalist
12. As the wife, mother and grandmother of service members, Mom knows what military service costs the families of this country. She believes most differences can be settled by sitting down and talking it over, but she also knows bad behavior must be dealt with swiftly before it becomes even worse. If necessary, she has what it takes to send men and women into battle, but honestly, she'll get pretty teary-eyed about it, because they all look like her grandkids now. And isn't that the kind of woman you want next to the nuclear football?



In conclusion, I believe my mom is exactly what this country needs in these troubled times. If you agree, I hope you'll write in Lois Fleming for president. Go ahead and put that young up-and-comer, Hillary Clinton, on the ticket, too. Mom would like that.

43 comments:

  1. I am definitely chuckling!
    Julia, your mom sounds like exactly what this country needs . . . she gets my vote!

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  2. Let's hear it for President Fleming!

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  3. Julia, I LOVE this. I'd vote for Lois any day!!!!! Too bad I already sent my ballot (from London!!), but Lois would be proud of me.

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  4. Oh darn, I've already voted. Your Mom sounds so wicked cool! 😄

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  5. Brilliant post, Julia. Your mum has my vote. Oh wait. I'm not a US citizen. Oh well. Mrs. Fleming for President anyway, with young upstart HRC as her side kick!

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  6. Julia, thank you for this wonderful story of your mother's and your love and respect. On a morning when I was deeply missing my parents, your words helped fill "that empty place" in me. Blessings and an electronic hug.

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    1. I know exactly what you mean Elisabeth, and I feel the very same way.

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  7. She's got my vote!
    Julia, this is so sweet.

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  8. Julia, I can always count on you for a morning laugh.

    And your mother most certainly has my vote.

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  9. Julia: Your mom sounds awesome, and would be a great choice for President. I would vote for her if I could, but I'm not an American citizen! Watching how all this will play out in the days to come! And I will be back in the US (CA) just one week after the election.

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  10. I voted early, on the very first morning I could, and, alas, I didn't know about Lois at the time. But you are completely right. She is exactly what this country needs. Go, Lois! I believe in the power of experienced women to handle complicated jobs.

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  11. Julia, she's a jewel! No wonder you turned out so well:). Lois for president!!

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  12. I adore this! It is the first time I have laughed about politics (without simultaneously crying) in a year.

    We were all so done with this election, but it seems maybe not.

    Sharing this everywhere to ease the people's pain!

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  13. Voted by mail weeks ago, but I am nominating Mom as Queen of the World. We need her.
    Thanks for the tribute, still smiling.

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  14. Well now we know a lot about why you, Julia, turned out so great! With a role model like Lois, you couldn't help but be awesome! Love this tribute to your mom.

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  15. Nice post, and you almost kept it non-political.

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  16. I see only one problem with this,Julia: I bet your Mom wouldn't want the job!

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  17. If only, Julia. I've often said we need a sensible people's party governed by housewives who have had to balance budgets, raise kids etc.
    Thank you for a Sunday chuckle

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  18. I'm voting for Mom! I'm reassured that we'll have a grown-up in the White House (also the other female candidate meets that criterion). - Great piece, Julia--and I love your books!!

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  19. Very clever/funny post! And I like it that your ad talks about what she would do for the country in positive terms, not bashing the opponents instead. We need more ads like this one as well as a mom with Lois's values!

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  20. A. Lois for President! I'd vote for the Lois's of the world any day! Your mom would be perfect. B. I bet she wouldn't want the job--too modest.... C. I bet you got at least part of your sense of humor from her--you can see it shining from her in the photos--Oh Lord, do we need someone with a sense of purpose and humor in the White House!

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  21. Julia, you have the most entertaining posts! Your mother sounds perfect for the job, and your dad sounds like a great first man.

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  22. SO fabulous!!! LOVE buying the military stuff on sale. They should have thought of that.

    And airline miles, certainly oxoo

    You are fabulous.

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  23. Elisabeth and Lynda, glad you felt that way. I know I'm lucky to have her.

    And yes, a GREAT deal of my sense of humor comes from my mom...

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  24. Oh, my God, Hank, that is perfection. I'm rolling, here.

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  25. Congress definitely needs The Look and The Shoulder Pinch. And yes to shopping the markdown aisle of the military industrial complex. Your mom gets my vote!

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  26. I just may write her in. She sounds exactly what this country needs. One question - does she know she's running yet? ;) Great post!

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  27. Wow! Thank you Julia. I didn't realize you were listening and watching all those years! Except I would have to decline - I am just too busy.

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  28. Lois, your country needs you!

    Deb Romano

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  29. "They go low, we go Lois!" - Hank, you had me spouting coffee!

    And, yes, Rhys, a practical party run by women who have had as one of their jobs running households makes a lot of sense.

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  30. I've already vote or your mom would get my vote

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  31. I will get the bumper stickers made! I'll hurry.....xoxoxoo

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  32. By far, this is the best political endorsement I have seen, ever! You may be biased, but your Mom is more qualified to be President than anyone. Why are we not able to come up with candidates who embrace this country and its residents? Today's generations are the most selfish individuals, groups, organizations, etc., that have ever appeared in public. We live 24/7 in fear of terrorism, both at home and abroad. There's no sign of an end to war, hatred, or racism. Why didn't you endorse your Mom months ago? At least there is a name to write in now! Should this be a serious option, or written with humor? I don't know, but November 8th is going to invoke change for all, good or bad, we must live with it.

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  33. I voted early (for another "her") but I love the idea of supporting your Mom's candidacy. She sounds superbly qualified!!

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  34. I voted too early, but if I had known....

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  35. Love your mother, Julia and I would have voted for her if I hadn't already voted for another Mom.

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