Trying to Stay Calm!

RHYS BOWEN:  In case you haven't noticed, there is an election on Tuesday. I've been trying to stay away from watching the news because I find it too stressful. Too much hate and division being spewed in what should be a civilized process of letting the American people have their say.  On Tuesday, we hope, they will have their say and get the country they deserve. 

But until then I'm trying to stay calm. I’m no good at meditating. Tried it. Doesn’t work. I have the CALM app. I sit in a comfortable position, eyes closed, palms turned upward and let my mind empty of all thoughts. Breathe in.  Breathe out. Breathe in... wait. Did I send off that blog piece I promised today? Beathe out... insurance. Insurance on the Phoenix house is due.... Breathe in... picture yourself floating on a cloud... floating... wait, do clouds feel wet when you lie on them? 

You get the message. I cannot switch off my thoughts.

So... I’m going to send you pictures of places of calm.  One of the great things about having all my photos on my phone is that I can escape to a place so easily. I’m waiting in the dentist’s office and suddenly I am hiking toward the Matterhorn. I am standing on a bridge in Venice or I am back at our last vacation in Cassis. Other things that make me feel happy are revisiting family gatherings.

What do you use to invoke calm? 

And Karen in Ohio, Diana Chambers chose you for a giveaway of her book on Julia Child. Please email me with your home address.

Staying Calm

RHYS BOWEN: Has anybody managed to stay calm during the past couple of weeks? I know I haven’t. My nerves have been ready to snap at any point. I’ve tried to stay away from news and social media but then I am sucked in again and the anxiety rises. Usually I write this Monday post a week ahead, giving my fellow Reds time to chime in. But how could I say anything when we were holding our breath? 

Now I'm breathing again but it was touch and go, wasn't it? We walk every morning at the ponds by the San Francisco Bay--lovely and calm start to the day! I looked at my phone on the way back from my walk yesterday morning and had to double check before I believed what I was seeing.  "He's won," I yelled.

 So during the last six months and especially during the past few weeks, I’ve been thinking of ways to stay calm. My son, the life coach and healer, advises me to try journaling. I’m supposed to write down three things I am worrying about and three things that I can do about them. Then let them go. Doesn’t work for me. I come up with a list longer than three and worry about them even more. 

 Years ago John bought me a fish tank and tropical fish—supposed to be so relaxing. They were beautiful. But then he bought me a book on fish diseases and parasites. Oh no—does that fish have Ick? Does it have fin rot? Why is it swimming in circles? Is that one resting or dead? Heart rate rising…

 Recently I’ve been doing two things that have worked. I escape to a small beachfront area on the San Francisco Bay called China Camp (it’s where Chinese fishermen settled when they were driven out of the city). I sit on the sand, listen to the lap of waves, watch distant boats and sea birds. I’ve only just been able to return there as it became horribly popular all summer. Now the kids are back in school and I can reclaim my own territory! 

 The other thing I do is listen to sleep stories on the Calm App. Brilliant. I like the ones about train journeys best. The reader has a deep, soothing voice and he starts in the station, describing the interior of the sleeping car and then off we go into the night… and I’ve never yet managed to stay awake to the destination, be it the Orient Express, The Blue Train or the Trans Australia. 

OH, and looking at my photos of past trips, reliving in my mind. I absolutely love the LIVE photos. Really feel that I am there again. Hooray for iPhone.

 So what are your suggestions for staying calm? 

JENN McKINLAY: I clean, obsessively. Oven, toilets, patio furniture, nothing is safe from me and my bucket and sponge! This doesn’t seem anywhere near as fun as your strolls on the beach or train stories on the Calm app, Rhys, but you could eat off my floors. Wait, I have three cats and two dogs. No, you can’t!

(Rhys: Jenn I'd have to be extremely stressed before I cleaned obsessively!)

 HALLIE EPHRON: Jigsaw puzzles! Occupies the mind completely. Jerry and I are on #20. We just finished three vintage World War II puzzles--fighter pilots and blazing guns and handsome muscular soldiers. The pieces don’t lock together so very challenging--bump into the table and you might have to start over. Next we’ll start on a Paris street scene puzzle that anonymous friends left on our front steps. THANK YOU! I’m thinking of sponsoring a puzzle sharing derby on my front lawn. Leave one, take one… Up to three missing pieces are acceptable but it’s got to have its box. Doing a puzzle without a picture of the end game is above my pay grade. 

 LUCY BURDETTE: The puzzle sharing derby is a great idea Hallie! The pets are calming of course, unless puking in their travel carriers LOL. And I find reading about recipes very calming, particularly scrolling through the NY Times cooking app. And then baking works too--we’ve decided not to fret about a few pandemic pounds. Will wait on that until things get back to normal. And one more, dropping into the Danish world of the TV show BORGEN. I absolutely love this show, especially the main character, a woman who’s the Prime Minister of Denmark. 

 JULIA SPENCER-FLEMING: Rhys, I had to laugh at your description of your stress journaling: “I come up with a list longer than three and worry about them even more.” This sounds like me. I’ve been listening to a great podcast by Brooke Castillo (hat tip to Jessica Ellicott, who got me started.) She runs the Life Coach School, and the podcast is all about managing your mind to create feelings that support the life you want to live, and about channeling your actions to get the results you want. Which I am all good with, until she talks about worry. “Worry is never a necessity. It can’t change anything.” Unfortunately, every time I try to “manage my thoughts” about worry, I just have MORE thoughts of things to worry about! My one sure-fire escape is reading. I’ve been digging into some extremely absorbing creepy/horror novels that for some reason are hitting me just right at this point in time. Maybe it’s the comfort that, sure, things are bad in the world right now, but at least malevolent spirits from beyond the grave aren’t trying to kill me? 

Rhys: I have found it very hard to read. I've resorted to re-reading old favorites or books that I know will be comforting and end well. How about you?)

 DEBORAH CROMBIE: For me, just trying to stick to the normal daily routine helps. Walking the dogs is a big one. It helps so much to get outside, to get exercise, and there's no space for worry when you are trying to keep two big dogs in line! I have been reading, too, but very distractedly. What has absolutely been my saving grace the last few months is my nightly bath just before bed. I listen to my audio book in the tub, and lately I've been setting the sleep timer and continuing the book once I get into bed. This is a big departure from lifelong bedtime reading for me, but I find I can't worry when I'm listening! 

HANK PHILLIPPI RYAN: Yes, Lucy, Borgen. Yay! We have to stop ourselves from watching it so it doesn’t run out. Relaxation, though. Ah. Not managing that at all. AT ALL. (I am on word 104, 312. YAY! Now I just have to figure out how it ends. La dee dah.) I have never been this busy, and my only relaxation is reading before I go to sleep, and the spelling bee puzzle in the Sunday NY Times. Well, sometimes I just walk up and down our driveway, and look at the flowers (now faded) and oh! Picking our tomatoes. SO great. We picked hundreds, and I am not exaggerating, before the snow . Now we have BOXES of green cherry tomatoes. We love them,

Rhys: Hank, I've found the views from our balcony very comforting. We have sat out there on warm evenings and listened to the sounds of the valley below us--laughter and music and the eight o'clock howl, honoring the doctors and nurses. 

So, dear friends, what have you found comforting during these tough months?

 

My Vote for President

JULIA SPENCER-FLEMING: Today, I'm here to make my endorsement for the Presidential election. This is my personal recommendation, and I do not speak for the Jungle Red Writers as a group, when I urge you all to vote for my mom, Lois Fleming, for President.

World Traveler

Why should you vote for my mom?

1. She's traveled widely around the world and I can guarantee she knows where Aleppo is.

2. Mom is terrific at balancing budgets. She's single-handedly grown her and Dad's investments from the pauper's mite to a sum suitable for a comfortable retirement through smart investment and money management. As president, she will personally call everyone in America and remind them that putting the maximum in their 401(k) is getting free money, and why would you leave that on the table?

Supports cultural exchange with visitors to the US

3. Mom does not believe in debt! Under her administration, the country will charge only what it can afford to pay in full at the end of the month with its American Airlines card. All government travel will be paid for by mileage points from the card.

4. Mom will cut through the congressional impasse. She has been both a Republican and a Democrat, so she knows the score on both sides. She will call recalcitrant congressmen into her office and tell them she is Very Disappointed In Them. If this doesn't work, she will give them That Look, perhaps combined with the The Shoulder Pinch (which looks like a hand laid on the shoulder but really says You're going to get it when I get you back to the Oval Office.)

Strong supporter of the elderly

5. Mom has excellent manners, and always remembers she is representing the US when she's abroad. You will never catch Mom giving Angela Merkle a weird backrub.

6. Mom is completely transparent with her emails, often cc:ing them to several of her children at once. Instead of setting up a private server, she will have the government use AOL.com, which is what she and Dad use now. After all, it is America on line.

7. In an average day, Mom will fit in a long walk, cut out a newspaper's worth of coupons, bake a dish for the Community Center dinner, set up the parish hall for the White Elephant sale the next day and attend a book group meeting. She has the stamina to be president.



8. A woman of education and refinement, Mom will never utter the phases "grab her by the p?$$y" or "Anthony Weiner's d!#k." In fact, she won't call Anthony Weiner by his name at all. She'll refer to him as That man. You'll know who she's talking about.

Understands blue collar workers

9. There will be no $300 toilet seats or billion-dollar bombers that can't fly in the rain when mom is commander-in-chief. She will make sure the defense department comparison shops - using Consumer Reports to get the best info - and then waits until an aircraft or destroyer is on sale before buying. Mom will frequent the military-industrial complex mark-down aisle to get good bargains.

10. If elected, Mom will have the most low-key First Spouse ever. Dad will spend his time in the White House designing virtual train sets and crafting miniatures. He does like drones, so we may have to watch that.

11. With an extended family that has straight, gay, white, African-American, Hispanic, Muslim, Roman Catholic and Presbyterian members, Mom is a living part of the Rainbow Generation. Also, she really likes Laverne Cox in Orange is the New Black. Mom knows "political correctness" is just good old-fashioned politeness. Why on earth wouldn't you call someone what they prefer to be called?

Party Loyalist

12. As the wife, mother and grandmother of service members, Mom knows what military service costs the families of this country. She believes most differences can be settled by sitting down and talking it over, but she also knows bad behavior must be dealt with swiftly before it becomes even worse. If necessary, she has what it takes to send men and women into battle, but honestly, she'll get pretty teary-eyed about it, because they all look like her grandkids now. And isn't that the kind of woman you want next to the nuclear football?



In conclusion, I believe my mom is exactly what this country needs in these troubled times. If you agree, I hope you'll write in Lois Fleming for president. Go ahead and put that young up-and-comer, Hillary Clinton, on the ticket, too. Mom would like that.

Simply Inspirational

"Somewhere out in this audience may even be someone who will one day follow my footsteps, and preside over the White House as the president' s spouse. I wish him well!"

Who said it? Answer at the end of this blog.

HALLIE: I'm starting this blog at 1:27 PM on Saturday, just after watching Hillary Clinton's speech suspending her campaign for President. I was completely blindsided by how emotional I felt, listening to her speak in the National Building Museum.

A woman came THIS close to garnering getting nominated for President! That welling up inside me turned to tears when the camera shift to her radiant daughter Chelsea. And yes, in ten or twenty years from now, hopefully it will no longer be so remarkable. But today I felt enormously proud of them both, and of the country--a welcome feeling after a lousy week of rising oil prices, Israel's saber rattling, the endless war in Iraq, and job losses, not to mention that guy that got hit by a car in Hartford and all the pedestrians just stood by and watched. And don't get me started on the book business (did anyone read the NY Times op ed piece about how writers will have to figure out how to make money by GIVING AWAY their work?)

"Every moment wasted looking back keeps us from moving forward. Life is too short, time is too precious and the stakes are too high to dwell on what might have been."

I don't want this blog to get political, but for her or not, one couldn't help but be moved. It felt like a truly historic moment.

Did you watch? Were you moved, or just relieved that the election could move on to the next phase?

ROBERTA: I didn't get a chance to watch--all caught up in a big family wedding. Looking forward to seeing her on Youtube. I have complicated feelings about the whole election--glad we are moving on. But she held up in an amazing way in my opinion. I just couldn't picture grinding along day after day, looking good, sounding strong, handling whatever was handed her with grace. I hope she has a long and productive career from here.

HANK: Other moments: Remember when it might have been Geraldine Ferraro? I once saw a Mondale/Ferraro bumper sticker on a car--and someone had cut off the "Mondale" top half so the car was sporting just "Ferraro." Yes.

When I was in my early twenties, I applied for my first job in radio. I think it must have been--1971? I had my interview with new news director, who asked me about my journalism education. Zero. My reporting experience. Zero. But, I told him, I had just left a job as a press secretaty for a gubernatorial candidate. So I knew all about the city and all about politics and how reporters worked and what they needed.

Besides, I said, all earnest, this station's license is up for renewal at the FCC and you don't have any women working here.

I got the job. And have been a reporter ever since.

It wouldn't happen that way now, and that's good thing. But how many girls--Hallie and I were talking about this just today--realize what a struggle it was for all of us now-geezers, and the ones before us and the ones before them, to get to the moment when Hillary came close? It as the real thing, and US politics will never be the same.

I loved when she referred to the "18 million cracks in the glass ceiling," referring to the number of votes she got. A ceiling with that many cracks can't stay in place very long. And we were here when it happened.

RO: I didn't see it, but will look for it on Youtube. I do remember quite vividly listening to Obama's convention speech while driving through Bel Air. I ran into my room and switched on the tv, thinking...who IS this guy? Maybe eight years from now, he'll be the candidate.

This year the democrats had an embarassment of riches - two strong, worthy choices - and it's a shame that either of them had to bow out. But I'm glad we will no longer be treated to hourly updates on which candidate or which candidate's former fill-in-the-blank (ital.)accidentally said something which could be miscontrued. It's scary to think about how politician's need to behave and speak. Why anyone would even want the job is beyond me.

HALLIE: Election fatigue, indeed there's some of that. At last we're moving on to the next phase where the candidates will discuss real issues. Or is that too much to hope for? But I can't say it hasn't been *interesting*--and how long since anyone could say that about an election?

WHO SAID IT: Wouldja believe, Barbara Bush!