RHYS BOWEN: I had a completely different post planned for today until I realized it was Father's Day. It's something we've never celebrated because it didn't exist in England and John has always maintained that it is a fabricated holiday designed to make people spend money. The kids will send him cards, I expect, apart from Dominic who will be on a Greek island. But we don't do the big meal that we do for Mother's Day.
As I said,we didn't celebrate it in England but I would have liked a day to celebrate my dad because he was an all around good guy. He was kind, soft spoken, generous. He adored my mother and would have walked through fire for her. They did everything together, including the supermarket shop at weekends. he visited his mother every Friday. The absolute family man. We talked about picnics the other day.. during the summer we went out as a family, usually to the seaside and would have a picnic along the way. When we were older we played tennis or swam. Memories of him often involve beaches. My dad loved to be on the beach with the kids. We'd play cricket or some kind of ball game. He'd build sand castles for us, on in my brother's case, a sand racing car in which my brother sat.
One summer vacation we were in Wales. the weather was awful--cold, rainy, windy. He and I made a bet to swim in the sea every day. We'd drive the car onto the hard sand of the beach, park near the waves, dash in, swim up and down, dash out and jump back in the car. All the time laughing and shivering. We did it.
I didn't meet him until I was three. He was sent out to North Africa before i was born and after Rommel was defeated he was sent on to Palestine as the British occupying force until after the war. He often talked about it and was proud of the small part he played.
Other memories were of his generosity. I had seen a necklace I loved in a store and when I was visiting at home I asked if I could have it for my birthday (which was a few months away). As my dad drove me to the train station he handed me some pound notes. "Go and buy your necklace," he said
Every Christmas he put four pairs of nylon stockings on the tree for my mom. boring but practical. One Christmas she got the same four pairs, but with a gold Swiss watch inside.
He was a research engineer by profession, self educated as he grew up in the depression, but he held several patents by the end of his life. Always practical and busy. He ran a paper factory and their sister factory made wallpaper. So our house was the trial for new wallpapers. When one room was finished we started on another, all different and often rather lurid wallpapers. He loved tinkering with his car and it always ran perfectly.
He was incredibly social and friendly. When one of his workers got terminal cancer Daddy visited him in hospital every evening on his way home. When they moved to Australia after he retired they took the cross country journey on the train--3000 miles from Sydney to Perth. By the end of that trip Daddy knew every person on that train and their history.
Later in life he loved his garden. They moved to Australia when he retired and he grew wonderful things in that climate. All their own vegetables and fruit. Every afternoon they'd take a picnic to a nearby beach. I visited several times, enjoying the incredible beauty of the place they had chosen. He had a major heart attack at 65 and after that his heart grew weaker until it stopped beating. I flew out when I got the call that he was in hospital and not expected to survive and arrived three hours too late to say goodbye to him. I've always regretted that.
Now please share memories of your dads and let's raise a glass to them all today!
What lovely memories, Rhys . . . Happy Father's Day to all the dads.
ReplyDeleteRhys, thank you for sharing your wonderful memories of your dad with us. He sounds like a special person. Happy Father’s Day to all of the dads.
ReplyDeleteCheers to all the great dads! Yours sounds wonderful, Rhys.
ReplyDeleteMy father was a loving, quirky, introverted intellectual. He taught me how to change a tire, how to thread the home movie projector, and how to find the right reference volume (of many on our bookshelves) to look up the answer to my question. I got my love of maps and the weather from him. He usually was the parent who helped me get back to sleep after my many nightmares, sitting on the edge of my bed and singing to me. I still miss him.
Now I'm blessed to have one son be just as wonderful a father to his daughter, and my other son is a father-to-be! Life is rich around here.
Way to bury the lede, Edith! You are about to be a grandmother again? How wonderful!
Deletecongratulations Edith!
DeleteThat's so exciting Edith!
DeleteAww, thanks, you all. Yes, in December or so. I am thrilled!
DeleteWhat a special father you had, Edith
DeleteWait, you're going to be a grandma again? Congratulations!
DeleteI am, Dru!
DeleteWow, congrats, Edith!!!
DeleteCongratulations Edith!!
DeleteDebRo
Congratulations, Edith! Your dad and my dad share several qualities. I remember my dad teaching me how to read maps. When I went through the "why" phrase when I always asked "why", he would take the time to answer my questions.
DeleteRHYS: Thanks for sharing those great memories of your dad with us.
ReplyDeleteHappy Father's Day to the dads.
My dad was a traveling salesman and was often on the road Monday thru Friday during my growing up years. He was home on a school night helping me make a drawing of our house that was done to scale for a math assignment. He played catch with me in the yard so I wouldn’t be so terrible at softball the summer I signed up because all my friends were playing.
ReplyDeleteWe took family trips and he would plan the routes with his roadmaps. Sometimes he would work and call on dealers along the way. I still have a fondness for paper maps over GPS.
When I was in college, he would make an effort to come through town and take me out to eat. After I was married he would plan his route to come visit us. Some great memories of him feeding my babies a bottle, reading to them, playing with the Tonka trucks or having a tea party, walking to the nearby Dairy Queen.
He died in 1997 at age 61 before he could retire. I miss him and I am in tears writing this.
So sorry Brenda, not fair that he died that early.
DeleteMy father died at 63, Brenda. Way too young, and he didn't get to meet my sons. I've talked about him to them as often as I can.
DeleteGone far too young, Brenda but I’m glad you have happy memories of him
DeleteRhys, I love the stories you share about your dad. I know you have modeled Georgie's granddad after him and he is one of my favorite characters in that series. He is gentle and smart and always makes sense.
ReplyDeleteMy father was very devoted to his family, reliable and hard-working. He was generous, not just to us. We'd drop by on Saturday in the early afternoon just as he was closing his meat packing company. People would be picking up their special orders, but among them would be representatives of a chuch or other organization picking up a donation for their cookout.
He was a great storyteller, the kind who'd have everyone stop what they were doing to listen. I can remember my cousins all laughing until tears rolled down their cheeks at his jokes and funny tales from his youth. He remembered every joke he ever heard and could really deliver a punchline. He was an incredible mimic, could imitate foreign accents, or a horse's whinny right down to the whistle. But he was not always fair or kind, and sometimes we have to gloss over faults when we reminisce about people we loved.
He sounds like an interesting, complex man Judy.
DeleteI think faults fade with memories and we only remember the good parts
DeleteLady Georgie's granddad is one of my favorite characters too.
DeleteRhys, what lovely memories of your dad, thanks for sharing him with us. Don't we all want our own children to have warm thoughts of us when they think of their childhood?
ReplyDeleteMy own dad was not around much, certainly not taking us on picnics and long car trips. And then he died suddenly when I was 17, and we never had the chance to know one another in my adulthood. However, I have had the best fathers-in-law ever. My first husband's dad was the kindest man, and he took me to get my driver's license after teaching me to parallel park (I was 20). I still think of his instruction, and can slot my car into any spot.
Steve's dad Karl lived less than two miles from us, so I saw him multiple times a week. When we had our 20th anniversary he got very misty when I told him he had been my father-in-law years longer than I had my own dad. He's who I called when there was a snake in the basement, and when Steve was away he filled in for him at the girls' concerts and basketball games. For years after he died I kept expecting him to stop by on Sunday morning with his newspaper after he'd read it. We were very close and I still miss him, 19 years later.
He was so lucky to have you, and you him!
DeleteYou were lucky to have had loving fathers to take your own dad’s place, Karen
DeleteI really was lucky. It helped to heal a lot of old wounds, for sure, to have a loving, accepting father figure in my life.
DeleteRhys, I loved your essay about your dad and learned so much about him. He had a lot in common with my dad, adventurous, gregarious, generous--and he obviously adored his daughter! We are fortunate to have had fathers like ours.
ReplyDeleteWe certainly are, although growing up in a loving family isn’t going to produce a great memoir!
DeleteOh my Ryhs, I beg to differ. Happy families are not all alike. In todays world of strife and woe wouldn't reading about happy families that worked be a boon to many?
DeleteLovely memories, Rhys! Raising my cup of Yorkshire Gold to your dad, as well as to my dad.
ReplyDeleteDad was gregarious and funny and sociable. He loved a good natter over a pint or something stronger. He was an excellent mimic and liked to tell jokes using different accents. As an academic librarian, he was very interested in literature and history and loved to have discussions with us around the dinner table. I was so pleased to watch him draw my son out in the same way. He loved us deeply, but struggled with anxiety and leaned on my mom for emotional support throughout their lives. I found letters that they wrote each other during the year they met (1950), when she was working as a children's librarian in England. She was traveling around for a few weeks and he was so worried that she would meet someone else. Despite his anxiety, he willingly left his life in England for 56 years of marriage with her and a very different life in Oregon. Here's to you, dad!
I think lots of English people had anxiety left over from the war. My husband does
DeleteThank you Rhys for sharing the memories of your father with us.
ReplyDeleteMy own father shared a lot of the qualities of yours. Family was very important for him and he worked very hard to give his children the possibilities that he didn’t have as a youngster.
He loved been outdoor, fishing and hunting. He had many friends and it seemed that everybody liked him because he was sociable and kind and generous.
As most of the men in his generation, he was not one to say: I love you, but he did everything to show us. He had faith in me and he made me believe that I could do anything I wanted.
After fourteen years, I miss him very much.
So true, Danielle. My dad never expressed feelings verbally
DeleteIsn't it wonderful how words can bring to life someone we've never known, and make us wish we'd had the pleasure? Thanks for sharing your dad, Rhys, and to everyone else as well.
ReplyDeleteMy dad had a difficult upbringing, a hard war, and life at home when we were growing up could be grim sometimes. My dad's been gone for nearly 30 years now, and one sister can't seem to let go of the bad times. I haven't forgotten them, but I also remember good things and choose to honor those. Perhaps the best lens to look back through came from a man who as a child was our neighbor. He recalled, wistfully, how our dad was always there--he came home from work every night. There was always food on the table--and enough to add two small boys to the table after their mother was killed. Enough food so that he invited, out of the blue, a young man, new to the area and alone, to Thanksgiving dinner. Enough food to go around as significant others and grandchildren were squeezed in around groaning tables. Happy Fathers Day to all!
It’s sad to me when the bad memories prevail , like your sister, Flora, when there is also good to cherish
DeleteMy dad was my mother. She took on both roles.
ReplyDeleteAs so many mothers do, Dru.
DeleteRhys, what a wonderful tribute to your father. Thank you for sharing it. My father had a number of qualities your father had. Maybe it was that generation too. They seemed to have a strength to get thru really tough times like a world war and depression. They were tough but loving. One thing that I learned in a social work program was that good fathers (and mother's) had good parents themselves who provided good role models for their children.
ReplyDeleteI love these stories about your dad, Rhys! I can see him so clearly! My dad shared many of those qualities. He was incredibly hard working, but also very socialable, gregarious, and generous. He had a hard upbringing and worked three jobs during the depression, but eventually ended up with his own company and gave his family a very comfortable middle-class life. I always think it interesting that having grown up on a farm in east Texas, he loved to travel, especially to Mexico, and he and my mom saw more of the world than I ever have. And he loved to eat! Every trip was planned around the next meal. Here's to you, Charlie, and we should all enjoy life as much as he did!
ReplyDeleteWhat lovely memories, Rhys.
ReplyDeleteWhat a wonderful person your dad was, Rhys. Lovely share.
ReplyDeletePat D: Dad was a true family man. He was the youngest in his family and put up with a lot from his older brothers. He always put his family first over his job, bypassing new positions that may have been a hardship on us. He had a wry, subtle sense of humor. He'd come home from work in downtown Houston and take us kids to the swimming pool. In fact he'd go into the office extra early so he could leave at a decent time and be home with us. When I was in high school, his latest promotion to us to New Orleans, which I was very unhappy about. He loved to explore our new community and its environs, and the food! His dad was a Swedish transplant and Dad had the Swedish temper. Meaning when he was mad there was a grunt and dead silence that could last for days. Yikes. But he was an exemplary father and I loved him dearly, faults and all.
ReplyDeleteHappy Father’s Day to all the dads and those who filled the parental role of a father.
ReplyDeleteI was very fortunate to have had a loving father who was so happy to be a dad. I didn’t realize until I was looking at photos from my early childhood that my dad always had a big smile on his face when he was with my sister and me. I have said that if my mom had never married, I could see her being a career woman and not missing having children. (Not to say anything against my mother. She was a great mom, very loving.) But my dad would have been so sad if he had missed out on fatherhood. He lived with his brother’s family during the Depression and learned how to change diapers, etc. My mom said he helped her in their early days of parenting with his ability to calm a crying baby.
My father was a good man. He was a good provider, loved his wife and daughters and loved to laugh. He’s been gone for 25 years and I still miss him. — Pat S
Rhys ~ What a wonderful and loving testament to your father; he truly was a devoted family man so evidently expressed through your memorable comments. Those of us who were blessed with happy childhoods seem to appreciate it even more so as we grow older. I do not envy the role of parenthood; is is never ending and often comes with many sacrifices. Finding a balance isn't always easy but the rewards can be great. My father was a product of the depression. He spent many years at a young age in a boys orphanage and later in many foster homes. The nurturing he should have received was vacant in his life and he could have emerged an angry and bitter adult. But instead quite the opposite happened. He was determined to meet someone, fall in love, get married and establish a loving family of his own. Which he eventually did. He met my mother, fell head over heels for her and wooed her with weekly love letters until she agreed to marry him. :-) She was his loving partner and bride for fifty-two years until he passed away. He showed his love for us in many ways even though he struggled when it came to hugs and kisses. My mom and I eventually wore him down, though...We were huggers and though it took me twenty years to get those hugs in return there was never any doubt whatsoever how much he loved me, my mother and our family. He was proud of all of us and he was the first "captain" in my life to help me navigate my "ship" through the ups and downs of living. Always both proud and encouraging he always supported me in whatever I hoped to achieve. Although he had to start working right after graduating high school I believe he could have gone much further with his studies if had the financial means. He was a great believer of education. Although my father wore many hats in the world of employment his favorite job was when he worked for the New York Central, New Haven and Hartford Railroad System as a train mechanic. He rode that line many years and met all the entertainers out of New York City who traveled that line to South Station in Boston. Jackie Gleason, Art Carney and Benny Goodman to name a few. Art Carney used to entertain the train riders in and out of the cities. As a youngster I was always thrilled to ride the train with my mother into South Station where we would meet my dad to attend Mass at St. Anthony's Shrine on Arch Street and then have dinner in Chinatown. He often gifted my mother and myself with beautiful silk slippers he would purchase in Chinatown as well. To this day when I hear the melodic sound of a train whistle I liken it to my father saying hello to me. I always wave into the air and whisper "Hi Dad...I love you". HAPPY FATHER'S DAY TO ALL FROM BUNNY (My father's nickname for me since the age of two and in honor of my dad's memory my husband still calls me Bunny to this day.)
ReplyDeleteMany people here have indicated how the time period their fathers grew up in influenced how they were as fathers.
ReplyDeleteThis was also true of my father. He came from a large family and from what I heard there was not a lot of emotional support for the children.
I know he cared for my brother and me but he was never able to express it in words, but he would do anything he could for us.
Boston has a rich history and many museums. My parents took us to all of them. He was always up for a ride, apple picking, the beach.
My father drove my mother to work every morning. In the winter he would go out early to warm up the car for my mother.
When I look back I can see the things he did for us and know that he did the best he could.