RHYS BOWEN: As I’ve mentioned this week, we are gearing up for a big family wedding. I am debating whether to spend a small fortune on a dress. Because it is going to be A BIG OCCASION.
When my girls got married the weddings were lovely but simple. We had a family friend to do the photos and the video. Another friend provided the DJ at one and the jazz band at another. We had a nice venue, good food and a great time was had by all.
My son and his bride arranged their own wedding. It was in a grove four thousand feet up a mountain and the whole wedding party slept in yurts. It was lovely. Lights strung between the trees, a dance floor, good food and in the middle of nature. I loved it (apart from the bed in the yurt.. .)
This is a wedding with all the bells and whistles. A wedding planner making sure all is in place before we reach the venue. A bridal procession in which I have to walk with the two other grandmothers up the aisle. A videographer, apart from the photographer. Signature cocktails. You name it, we are having it.
This makes me realize how much we have to raise the bar to make anything feel special these days. Destination weddings in Tahiti! Photo shoots by the Eiffel Tower.
Christmas comes to all the stores in October. Look at the ads at Christmas time. Put a Lexus under the tree for her. My granddaughters, at a private school, had to endure prom-posals before the prom. Not just “hey, would you like to go to the prom with me?” but balloons, banners, music, dancers etc etc. Lizzy had the embarrassment of an elaborate very public, promposal from a boy she didn’t want to go to the prom with. But she said yes, not to hurt his feelings after he’d been to so much trouble.
We were out for a walk a few months ago and there in the park was what seemed to be a big picnic. Only it had a giant paper mache decoration and as we passed there was music, drum roll, then this exploded, confetti shot everywhere, there were screams and hugs and…. It was a gender reveal party!
What next? I ask myself. Have we lost the ability to be happy with the simple, the non-extravagent? Not over the top, competing all the time? I find myself fantasizing about living in a French or Italian village. Sitting in the town square, drinking coffee or wine with friends.. All the time in the world. No stress. No hype.
How about you? Do you feel the same?
Extravagant could be nice occasionally, for something significant . . . doesn't everyone like something fancy and special once in a while??? But I think something is lost when everything has to be over-the-top and pretentious. [And can I just say I’m so not a fan of those gender reveal parties.]
ReplyDeleteThere is something to be said for quiet and simple celebrations . . . .
I like simple. I'm sure the wedding will be lovely, Rhys, but I'm with you on wanting things to be less extravagant.
ReplyDeleteMy older son and his wife hired a wedding planner, but only for the day of, and she was great at making sure everything happened as it should. My younger son and his wife brought the cupcakes for their baby shower at my house in November, and hid the "It's a Boy!" note between the wrappers of one of them (which they finagled to hand to me). That's the kind of gender reveal I can get behind.
I have been to two very extravagant weddings. My nephew married a lovely young woman who came from a very wealthy family. If I remember correctly, it was at the Four Seasons in Boston. (I have a lovely personal story about my dress,. Later.) When you walked into the party, there was a flower arrangement the size of a VW Beetle. Opulent is the word I'd choose for that event. I had a great time!
ReplyDeleteThe second wedding that stands out for extravagance is my cousin's son who married a young woman from Long Island. The centerpiece on every table had three dozen long stem red roses. Unfortunately, there was a device in the corner near my table that was meant to boost the effectiveness of the photographer's flash and it flashed in front of me constantly all evening. I am pretty sure I never want to be in proximity to one of those again.
Now, about the dress: the day I went shopping for the dress I had just gotten the all clear on a breast biopsy. Having lived in terror for a whole month, I treated myself to a luscious strapless black silk gown. Over-the-top. I looked like I belonged at a 4 Seasons wedding.
Agreed! I love the simpler life we lead in Nice - smaller flat, fewer clothes, more walks along the ocean and sitting in cafes.
ReplyDeleteA memory from childhood (1950s) magazine advertisements of cars with big red bows and giant tail fins . So not all hype is a new affliction/affectation. Cynical commenter for today at least. Elisabeth
ReplyDeleteI agree with KISS…keep it simple stupid.
ReplyDeleteMy son’s wedding in 2015 was very small and simple. Ceremony performed by their actual minister not some friend with an online certificate and reception all in the coffee shop with music venue room attached where they had their first date and where he also proposed. Cupcakes and a beverage from the barista. It was lovely.
As a clergyperson who has officiated at sooooooooo many weddings, my experience has been that the simpler ones end up being happier and less stressed occasions for the couples and the quirky unique ones are more fun than the ones trying to outdo the weddings of friends or work colleagues. On the positive side there was a time when families of the couples were more in control (and in conflict) than they are now. Funny this topic since the most recent book in my series just out in December ("Death Throws a Bouquet") features a June with five weddings.
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